Thank YOU, Singing a New Song friend, for coming to visit, read, be encouraged, allow me to share an insightful moment with you here at Singing a New Song blog. I apologize for being so far behind in posting; and even with no posts; we have received over 1,000 hits this month and an average of almost 4,000 hits each month! Other Singing a New Song friends are from many parts of the world: The U.S.A., Russia, UK, Canada, India, Austrailia, Germany, China, Ukraine, Phillipines and many, many more. I have personally met so many of you; via blog, FB page, email, phone and even many in person. It is my pleasure to meet with others who are self aware, intelligent and compassionate. I love to talk about personal growth with others who are on their healing journey of "finding themselves, healing from abuse and learning to dream again".
Our focus for this blog and FB page of the same name, is just this:
YOU.
YOU are important. Not the person who is criticizing you for reading a self help book. Not the person who puts you down, calls you names and so hatefully (toward themselves if you ask me) use you and then blame you for abusing them. NO, this is about all about YOU, the survivor of abuse. Your concerns, your pains, your joys and your victories. You have endured a LOT and you are growing stronger and able to accept more truth into your life that will certainly SET YOU FREE from other's expectations, demands and controlling behavior.
I have just recently learned that those whom we have termed "abusers" don't like to be called that. For example: I have heard it say to me and of me, "you're abusing me" when I have set a boundary and said "NO" to abuse. We have every right to SAY NO if we want to and mean it. We do not have to give into abuse; not even if there is a "reason" for it like mental illness. It is still ABUSE.
I think that most abuse survivors can relate to this...haven't we all heard that...when we show our pain, they turn it around and blame us for their pain...Their projection and denial will not allow us to be heard. Abuse is NOT ABOUT US...it is the projection of a twisted, wretched, tormented mind and heart to the nearest person to them; usually the most loving, understanding and compassionate who have dared to love them. THAT is how abuse occurs and why it perpetuates.
Oh, I understand that some of who we have called abusers are actually suffering from mental illness (and you can't even breathe the thought around them, they will vehemently fight tooth and nail to refute it) and will even accuse us of having mental illness...By the way; mental illness is not something that should be blamed on anyone. It is not a title that anyone should ever be called. It is a MENTAL ILLNESS; only differentiated from physical illness because of the need to HIDE it due to the Stigma of Mental Illness and lack of knowledge of Mental Health. Too many "walking wounded" are in our society; hiding their secret pain, their secret shame. Only those of us who have dared to draw close to them; drawn by whatever
They take no responsibility for their behavior and give no reasonable explanation of why they behave as they do. So, does knowing this make our pain or suffering or abuse from them any less or different? No.
SO, if an "abusive" person is really not an abuser or mentally ill...then WHY does their behavior NOT CHANGE when we kindly ask them to respect us and stop their name calling, discounting, dismissing and controlling behavior???
Seems to me that they don't care what they do to us;
but they don't want to "see themselves" as being BAD. Bad IS as Bad DOES. I can look back and say that I was stupid for getting involved, loving or trusting him but then again, I can forgive myself for "stupid". How does a bad person forgive themselves and ask for other's forgiveness??? They don't. That's the problem. We deserve to take good care of ourselves; because in this life, as evident in mine with two such persons, there are people who do NOT care about us...they do NOT want to love or treat us respectfully. I would go so far to say that they do NOT KNOW HOW TO LOVE and don't deserve our love. They are "users" at the least and abusers and not worth our time.
It is a GREAT time to take good care of ourselves; no one is going to do it for us.
