What's in your heart???

Why do we fear to look within? 
Don't we know that what is "within" is the true "us"? And why do we avoid the truth about who we are when that is what is needed to be healed and made whole???

LOOK into your heart today...don't be afraid. 



I suppose that we might think that it might be easier for an introspective, intuitive personality to be "inward looking" but what about the EXTRAVERTS...like myself? We have NO excuse...I know that we can "look within" as long as we are WILLING to accept and embrace what we see without judgement. 

The only justice is to follow the sincere intuition of the soul, angry or gentle.

Anger is just, and pity is just, but judgement is never just.

~ D. H. Lawrence ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * * * * * *  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

* * * * * * * * * *  

I love when things are transparent, free and clear 

of all inhibition and judgement.

~ Pharrell Williams ~ (of "Happy" fame)

I have looked within my heart all my life. I have always known that the only way to live a life and "find myself, be healed from abuse and learn to dream again", starts with ME accepting myself without judgement. With gentle openness and acceptance. And as soon as we accept and love ourselves, the sooner we allow ourselves to accept and love others.

I have often said that I am am writer but I admit, that I am much more a thinker and philosopher, counselor and friend and helper to many, including myself than the writer that I have hoped to become. I accept this in myself. If I want to become more of a writer; I must WILL myself to BE more of a writer. Happiness, peace and wholesome living is just like that...we create it. And we must start with ourselves...

START WITHIN  TODAY...visit us at Singing a New Song  on Facebook...a place where you can begin to "find yourself, heal from abuse and learn to dream again".

YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

The Gift

When you lose something in your life, stop thinking it's a loss for you...

it is a GIFT you have been given 

so you can get on the right path 

to where you are meant to go, 

not to where you think you should have gone.

~ Suze Orman ~

Have you embraced LOSS in your life? I have. I have welcomed loss and embraced the greater opportunities that I NOW have after having "received loss" in my life. It sounds like a contradiction in terms or paradox but we CAN receive loss...and I have received many losses and view them in my life as a GIFT.

I lost both parents to death; 15 months apart. They had lived full lives and I had the privilege of caring for them for the majority of the last 5 years of their lives as their health declined and lives came to an end. I am so thankful to have had good parents. I miss them of course, but I realize that "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". In some strange way, this thought brings me much consolation and peace.

I have known, loved and lost to death several wonderful people of note in my life. Family members: My Grandmother, Great Uncles, Aunts and cousins. Neighbors: Mrs. Breyer's; the first Akron Police Deparment woman officer. Richard "Pa" Weldon; a beloved school choir director, church choral director and friend. Papa Max. An Lithuanian Holocaust Survivor; a very intelligent and loving man. Jeri Rhinehart. My music friend and opera aficionado whom I enjoyed watching and attending operas. There are so many others but these are at the TOP of my all important people in my life whom I have lost to death. I have been so blessed to have known these dear people of substance and authenticity. They ADDED so much to my life. I have to smile when I think of them; sometimes with an appreciative tear in my eye for all the beauty and love they brought to my life.

I have had several wonderful pets including several dogs, a few of them were just puppies, and even a feline and a few feathered friends. I will hold wonderful memories of fun in the sun at the dog park, providing dance music for my bird friends, and having the ability to nurturing an older "scaredy" cat who had been so neglected. I love animals and so appreciate having them in my life. The ones who may still remain alive, have lost a mother in many ways and the love of a special child who truly cared for them. I enjoyed making "Frosty Paw" treats and treating kitty to some "kitty pot". My most wonderful memory of a feathered friend occurred only a few days before my departure. A beautiful Blue and Gold Macaw, quite bright and supposedly a "one person" bird; blessed me with the privilege of allowing me to take her out of her cage without any attempt to bite or peck at me. She sat sweetly and happily on my hand without climbing up on my shoulder in a dominating stance then allowed me to pet her and kiss her on the beak before returning her to her cage. I supposed she had "made me her person". 

I have had so many valuable; albeit many more of sentimental rather than monetary valued possessions. I can say that I think that I have given away more of my belongings that what I have owned; which sounds absurd but that is certainly how it has felt. Maybe I wasn't their owner but perhaps I was just borrowing them for a time. They are all just things and I don't hold onto things or people if they don't ADD something to my life. 

I have not accumulated or hoarded things as a recluse or one who needs the security of things to have some peace in life. I have found peace in letting go of things. I have FREED myself from the prison of wanting something that I no longer own or enjoy. I do not have to "have them" to be happy. I am very happy and will continue to be happy without them...the things and persons will forever remain in my past. They are no longer a part of my life. I can SMILE about that. I have enjoyed them and let them go. 

I am free to embrace the moment; enjoy each day with new relationships; love, interests and hobbies that provide many more wonderful memories. 
As far as looking somewhere over the rainbow for happiness; I have found that I feel much like Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz who said: 

"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, 

I won't look any further than my own back yard. 

Because if it isn't there, 

I never really lost it to begin with! 

Is that right? "

Maybe like me, you will hopefully discover that YOU are the person whom someone else has LOST due to neglect, abuse, unloving behavior who was a person who just wasn't worthy of you in their lives. 

Those who are worthy of your love, 

will keep and honor your love, 

not lose it. 

We may feel that we were foolish for loving or trusting something that was taken from us when actually, we are the most blessed people of them all.  But really, they DON'T MATTER TO US anymore. We are free to focus on things and persons who bring WORTH and JOY into our lives. We can be happy with ourselves even if we lose everything and everyone who once meant anything to us.... The ONLY thing that we truly need is ourselves.

We may feel that we have lost so much in our lives but We HAVE SO MUCH MORE than we have ever lost. Just hold onto memories that bring you joy; the rest doesn't matter at all. 
You have yourself, the GREATEST GIFT that anyone can have.

Love til it doesn't hurt

A loving person that has endured abuse and mistreatment perhaps due to what we thought was "naivete" was really because we "loved til it hurt". You will find yourself BEYOND hurt and into a place of REAL LOVE in your life; no matter who has hurt you or how badly life has treated you...
when WE LOVE, we win. 

Many of us who have suffered abuse in our lives. We have endured the horrible disrespectful speech and behavior of another person have loved until it HURT and we continued to love through the hurt because either we held a religious belief that "we had to love the unloving" or because we might have thought less of ourselves for not forgiving them for their behavior toward us. We suffered in loving them, not as much for them as we need to "love until it hurt and then some" to prove something to ourselves.  Once we realize that love is NOT intended to hurt and that we don't have to be hurt to love or be loved; then we will be just beginning our healing journey of "finding ourselves, healing from abuse and learning to dream again". 

Are you willing to keep loving even if it keeps hurting? We all have that choice to make. No one is making us take the abuse from another person for the "sake of love" but ourselves. I see it this way...I loved a mentally ill man...very much, but I chose, over time with the help of his abusive behavior to stop loving him and stop wanting to be with him.

Abuse doesn't deserve our understanding; it deserves our absence.

We are worth it!!! 

Taking our power back

"He who controls others 
may be powerful, 
but he who has mastered himself 
is mighter still"

Lao Tzu

The self is a very complex thing. When we see our selves as separate entities, unique in all the World we can become overwhelmed at the myriad of characteristics that can be observed or seen. I think of a cut out paper doll. It is not three dimensional. It is one dimensional, made out of a flimsy paper, cut roughly into a shape of a doll and colored with various crayons, markers or paints. It is a mere representation of what is real. It is not a doll; it is a paper cut out figure of a doll.

In many ways, the person that we see outwardly is only a representation of the self that the outward shell houses. What we see is not always what we should expect to get as it is plain, that the self is intricate, man's being is deeply woven together by fibers of eternity and not mere paper and that personality and expression are solely the outward expression of a greater being hiding beneath the skin. Even if we add all the parts of a person together; wouldn't “the whole (still) be greater than the sum of the parts its made of”?* Holistically, we are very diverse and very indistinguishable from another. 

How does a person even begin to “know oneself”? To understand the many experiences that make up a person's perspective, would take a lifetime or more. Knowing ourselves must certainly precede any control or mastering of the same.

Getting inside the mind of an abuser, a controlling person who only seems to care to control and manipulate others to "believe in him" and "do his will", we can see that there is a "power" of sorts there. I believe that it is the power of the abused, used against themselves. The abuser may exert this power externally because they are do not have the self-knowledge and self-discipline to discipline and  control themselves and this is also the point of healing for the abused. If we KNOW that we ourselves are "master of ourselves" and no one else, we can gain the needed self-respect required to combat the insidious attacks of our self-esteem by the abuser. Taking our power back from those how have discounted, disrespected, demeaned and devalued us with words and actions, is our right. This generally naturally begins our journey of finding ourselves. 

We really do deserve to HAVE, KNOW and LOVE ourselves. Wishing that for you this holiday season. May there be many times that you feel empowered to take the healing journey of "finding yourself, healing from abuse and learning to dream again". 

We are worth it!!!






* from "Love song" from Broadway Musical, Pippin. (see Fun Videos page)

The Quiet Stillness of the Soul

She walks alone...
in the darkest of night, the rising fog swirls at her feet
as the sun peers through the clouds,
casting shadows along the path before her. 

There are times, many times in my life, where I have felt a deep peace, a stillness and quietness in my soul that seemed to pervade all the noise of the environment around me and overtake it. It totally fills my inner self with a great fullness; unlike the fullness of eating a large meal or a filling and overflowing of joy that comes after a family gathering, no, it is not like those at all. It seems that things like this are not usual subjects of conversation or interrogation. It is as though it only exists in the person who experiences it and cannot be brought out in the land of the living as other more common experiences can be.






Maybe the experience of deep inner peace is not so common. The quietness and stillness of the soul is a rare, perhaps even matchless or incomparable to any other human experience and emotional reality. Perhaps this stillness is reserved and even preserved for those who will give it the time and space that it needs to take residence. It is for and only seen by the patient soul; the one who is willing to set aside all the cares of the world and experience this deep inner knowing of peace.

I remember hearing both children as I was growing up and young women as I grew into adulthood complain of loneliness. I never really understood what loneliness was or why it was so aberrantly avoided and even shunned by people who just did not have someone to talk to for a moment. I have had to see that the term loneliness is really preferring to be with others who are not available “leaving us only to ourselves” and I could never understand how that is such a bad thing. How could anyone be lonely if they had themselves to entertain and hold company with? I just don't understand why anyone would not prefer being alone to having to spend time with a boorish uneducated and unimaginative “friend”. Why would I want to be with others when my mind would entertain me with the history and imagination of the ages instead? Sir Edward Dyer wrote a poem called “My mind to me a kingdom is”; the most profound and most celebratory statement for the concept and practice of “aloneness” that I have ever found. I guess that is what being a writer and “dreamer of dreams” is all about. How could I ever get bored or lonely when I have so much going on inside me?

Loneliness and being alone are two separate ideologies. Loneliness must imply a wanting for a specific person; to be in their presence and to experience their being and feeling a deep yearning to be with someone who is not able to be with us for whatever reason. We feel “lonely” for them. We yearn to be with them and in being with them, perhaps we are finding a part of ourselves or even communing with ourselves in the only way that we have learned how up to this point in our lives. I would imagine that loneliness under this definition would bring about great sadness and longing for another. What bothers me most about this concept is that it totally obliterates the sufficiency of the self; the enjoyment of our own uniqueness and the unequivocal imagination of having a real relationship with our “selves”. It is almost “self-denial” in its greatest or lowest form. This is what truly saddens me. Being alone on the other hand may imply the desire to spend time alone; solitude and introspective moments of deep peace and soul searching. Being alone acknowledges the separateness that makes each and every one of us human and special. Being alone affirms me as an individual and as a unique and wonderfully creative and productive person who has many heartfelt wishes and desires and hopes for my life and those whom I love; why would I NOT want to be alone?

When I think of quietness I think of a very undisturbed night where the breeze is tranquil or nonexistent. The birds and crickets are even asleep. They are miraculously stilled and hushed as if a blanket has been spread and the earth is giving vigil to the night. The quietness can be deafening. It is an eerie emptiness that transcends and exceeds our imaginative process of being possible. The quietness almost hurts our ears in its loudness of its presence where some would say that the lack of presence is what causes the quietness; I contend that the quietness overtakes the confusion and noise. 

When I think of stillness I can see a very serene pond or body of water that clearly and gently reflects the sky and all that is around it almost mirror like mockery that is a surreal picture of what does not exist. A paradox. Stillness is the absence of movement. Stillness of a body of water can reflect and reveal so much around it. It makes me wonder if a “still spirit” can do the same thing. Can a person with a “still and quiet spirit” reflect the world off of themselves for others to see? Just as “still waters run deep”, can a “still spirit” be deep with empowering quietness? There is something about the stillness and quietness that demands our respect and attention. Even louder than a scream for help, the stillness of the wind or water commands total honor. We are “stilled” in our tracks and must stop what we are doing and thinking in order to pay obeisance to the quietness; the stillness and the power of control whether it is revealed to us outwardly in nature or less obviously, in the heart of man.

There is much to say about the illusive qualities of quietness and stillness of the soul; but one only has to stop and listen; honor and respect the deep paradoxical full void of the self in its richest and most wonderful expression of life.

Holding onto yourself

We deserve MORE in life than just "holding on".

I have often wondered, as an abuse survivor and person who is "finding herself, healing from abuse and learning to dream again", if I spend MORE energy "just holding onto me" than actually living my life. Do I spend more time in connecting with my thoughts and my self out of fear of losing them again?  

I am thankful for the introspective times that I can more easily focus on what is going on inside of myself when it seems like much going on outside is shaky and uncertain. I love knowing that I can turn inward for stability and do not require that which may "not be able" to be stable, to be stable for me. This is a "secret" of surviving abuse. Not expecting or requiring anyone to "be" any certain way for us. Like unreciprocated love, we "love" but if we expect someone who does not love themselves, to love us, then our expectation will bring us times of sadness, loss and sorrow. 

A big part of "holding onto myself" has always been positive self-talk or affirmations. For me, it has always been more "clarifying" and "stating the truth" to myself more than trying to guide my thoughts as a diversion or to "more positive" thoughts. Some things that we experience in live, no matter how unpleasant, need to be seen in truth and not "covered over" with a positive thought or spin. 

Is it healthy to "hold onto yourself"? I think so. I think that it may be part of our "finding ourselves" or "healing from abuse" parts of our healing journey. Once we make it through those healing phases and move into "learning to dream again", I have found that I "needed to hold onto me" less and less because I was NOT disconnected from myself and had coped with the abusive techniques by abusers to TRY to "get me away from myself". Once we get through "just surviving" mode, we have learned healthy coping mechanisms and clean boundaries so that we can NOW focus on more creative endeavors and ambitions. As a singer/songwriter, it has surprised me that at times of great stress, I was actually MORE active in my song writing. Many times, I had found that I had less energy to be creative and holding onto myself took much of my creative energy so I could "just survive". 

Do we "hold onto ourselves" because of fear of "losing ourselves again"? Maybe. But since we had felt the "loss" of ourselves and the pain and damage of abuse, who would want to live through that again? When we come to realize that we are "holding onto ourselves" we are finally realizing our worth and value. We know that we are permitted and have every right to protect and "grow" ourselves.

Wherever we are "in the process", let's remember that it is OUR LIFE and that whatever we need to learn, where ever we "are" on our healing journey, we owe it to ourselves to be patient and compassionate with ourselves. ♥

We really are worth it!!! ♥

(See more encouraging messages and thoughts on 
Facebook at  ♪ Singing a New Song ♪ )

Where are YOU? Have you "found yourself"?

Being an introvert, I may have always been more NATURALLY inquisitive about "what is inside" of ME. I really only learned in the past 15 years that this may be very different from what others may experience. I have always sensed that I was part of another WHOLE WORLD inside of me; music, art, writing, fully embracing the world both within me and outside of me with my whole heart. I have always striven to become "who I really am". I understand that it MIGHT NOT be so natural for others, especially those of us who have been damaged by abuse. 

I care about "where you are" on your healing journey. 
Won't you join me in "walking down your life's path" 
for a few moments? 

Everyone matures and grows at different rates, with different influences, obstacles and  perspectives. So you may have started on your journey of "finding you" when you were a teen. You may have been "fighting to be YOU" and rebelling against authority of your parents and teachers and even society. This might have led you to ESCAPE the journey of "finding you" by busying yourself in substance abuse, illicit and risk taking relationships or perhaps you might have I HID within  ART, SCIENCE, LOGIC, ORGANIZATION, TEACHING, SPORTS...But thinking that we are adding VALUE to our lives by adding PLEASURE to it through these activities is an illusion and only a distraction from "becoming who we really are". 

We may trying to find ourselves after realizing that damaging abuse required that we learn how to take good care of ourselves...I know that it was a failed marriage, one that I found that I was married to a man with an addiction, possibly used to HIDE FROM HIMSELF the pain, sorrow or fear that he hid deep within his heart. I could see this "need" in others and eventually realized that I was seeing it in myself as well. 

I "found myself" in the things that I love...music, art, philosophy. The more I enjoyed these disciplines, the more I actively invested my life into their study and further enjoyment. I added something of myself to my love of music, I started writing songs. Then I recorded and performed those songs. I could SEE MYSELF in my songs. The songs were "birthed" out of me. I "found myself" in the things that I LOVE. 

We may have learned that we have HID from ourselves, denied our pain and sorrow, pushed down other's opinions and rejection of who we are and have even "lost our selves" in the process. However your path has led you to "finding yourself" has been part of what was taught and presented to you as "being life" and is very normal. But we all have an EPIPHANY and begin to embark on this healing journey where we may find that we do not want to live our lives without "finding yourself, healing from abuse and learning to dream again", as we realize that this is the only healthy way to live our lives..

BE HEALTHY...TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU today...
YOU are worth it!!!

Struggling with faith

  "Faith is a knowledge 

within the heart, 

beyond the reach of proof." 

~Kahlil Gibran

Faith, as one passage of the Bible describes it, "is the SUBSTANCE of things hoped for; the EVIDENCE of things not seen". (Hebrews 11:1) In light of this description in sharing a bit of my personal faith, I would like to clarify how "faith" kept me from finding myself and kept me in an abusive marriage.

It's all a matter of perception...

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be” 

(Lao Tzu)

     Some may see a beautiful flower with a butterfly landing upon a slightly opened blossom. Others, perhaps see a beautiful woman. It all depends upon HOW we look at things. Do we accept the first things that we see as truth or do we look deeper to find a beauty that others may not seek?
     Reality. Some say that it is overrated but for the most part, isn't reality simply OUR perception of ourselves and the world in which we live?

     It seems to me that the biggest obstacles that we face in life may stem from our struggle with our concept of self-image and self-acceptance. If we want to appear to "be a certain way" and believe that our person is "honourable, honest or loving" for example, then we expect that all of our behavior WILL fall into a category congruent with that character. When it does not, cognitive dissonance; or "rationalization" as it can be called, calls for reduction of that dissonance.This is a very psychically painful situation and requires immediate attention and action.

It appears to me that the only way 

to truly find out "who you are" 

is to be willing to "let go" 

of who you think you are...

Self-affirmation doesn't have to be a gamble

Ok, I am dating myself here but I loved some of the music from the 80s. I have just realized just HOW self-affirming many of these songs were to me at that time and in listening to them again today, they still are. "I'm O.K." by Styx is a very affirming and motivating and empowering message in song.  It just seems that we are always trying to "find ourselves"; feeling good about ourselves seems to be a rarer commodity these days. I had always wondered what the "chant" meant that started the song...it is an allusion to gambling, shooting craps. I don't think of the process or success in "finding ourselves" is anything like a game of chance, but we though we may not be looking to win the jackpot or lose our shirts we DO have to "roll the dice" if we want to win. We may have to be willing to "take chances" until we "find the person we've been looking for"

I'm O.K by Styx on Youtube/no video

  I'm O.K.

Written by Dennis DeYoung

Hey, 

Hey, 

Hey, 

Hey, 

Eight, Skate, 

Seven on the Rotate!

(term used in shooting craps)
 

If I could stand

Beside myself

Would I see me or maybe someone else

Finding me after all these years

Like most teenagers, I was also on the quest to "find me" during the late 70's and early 80's. Many called us the "ME generation". The Baby Boomers. However, I find myself associating MORE with the Silent generation of my elderly parents; born to them at a ripe age of 38. In this case, I propose that it is not so much the environment that shapes us but our choices that drive us to seek ways to "find ourselves" within the environment that we live.

In this day of narcissistic indulgence, there seems to be less and less time for social graces and nurturing of relationships. In all the relationships that we have in our lives, I feel that the one "with ourselves" is the one that suffers from lack of attention the most. I propose that we do not seek to "find ourselves" among others or in even "voicing out" who we are.  It is only in the silence of the soul of meditations, compassion and self-love we can bring "out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else has looked quite far enough to find".(see Blog entry posted; Love by Roy Croft)

I have found my "voice" in singing music, song writing, performing, expressions of art in vision boards and beaded jewelry. I have "found myself" among the things that express who I am. I "see" me in my creations. I experience my likes and dislikes and my values. I have embraced "all that is me" within the context of our society of twisted values ( what ever happened to sex AFTER marriage?) portrayed on sit coms and television series, amongst the constant "putting down" of what I value and believe in, amidst the heartache and strain of life's challenges in raising a child today. In all of that, I have still found that "finding me" to be a priority as well as a joy in my life.

You are special and unique. You are worth finding. If you are seeking joy in your life; start by seeking the real you; by "finding you" and frame your live with the beauty of what you love and "Let the beauty of what you love be what you do".  (Jalal ad-Din Rumi, 1207-1273)