Do you remember the magical moment in the movie, The Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy opened the door to their drab black and white tornado blown house into the full colorful land of Oz? I can still remember the first time that I experienced the awe of that magical moment and so many times afterwards I still felt a rush of joy and excitement in the anticipation that Dorothy "isn't in Kansas anymore" and has a full color adventure ahead of her.In many ways, living in an abusive, unloving marriage is very much like living a "black and white" existence.
Either things are "black" or "white", you are either "wrong" or "right" (very rare to non-existent though) and there is no grey area; nothing that offers a compromise or mercy. With an abusive spouse, it is usually a very strictly controlled environment set up by what once seemed to be a mutual value system and respect turned controlling and unloving. As Dorothy looked out of her tornado torn window onto the grey shaded images of the "three men in the row boat", I remember seeing "comical" views of life apart from the one that I was living. They were not real images but diversions and moments that I could pretend that "this isn't my life". It wasn't until I "landed in the Land of Oz" did I realize that I had been living an existence without the full color of life and love that I KNEW existed. For me at least, OZ represents all that I had denied in order to stay in an abusive relationship. I could finally see the "wizard" for what he really was, a fake and one who manipulated the controls to intimidate, scare and control me.
Either things are "black" or "white", you are either "wrong" or "right" (very rare to non-existent though) and there is no grey area; nothing that offers a compromise or mercy. With an abusive spouse, it is usually a very strictly controlled environment set up by what once seemed to be a mutual value system and respect turned controlling and unloving. As Dorothy looked out of her tornado torn window onto the grey shaded images of the "three men in the row boat", I remember seeing "comical" views of life apart from the one that I was living. They were not real images but diversions and moments that I could pretend that "this isn't my life". It wasn't until I "landed in the Land of Oz" did I realize that I had been living an existence without the full color of life and love that I KNEW existed. For me at least, OZ represents all that I had denied in order to stay in an abusive relationship. I could finally see the "wizard" for what he really was, a fake and one who manipulated the controls to intimidate, scare and control me.
Understanding and having survived domestic abuse in its many forms has tainted my memory of this beloved childhood movie forever. I see OZ as "real life" and the drab "black and white" existence as just that; only an existence with no real life at all. There are times that I realize that I am "not in Kansas anymore" and that I just have to sing the lyrics to my "freedom song"...
You're out of the woods You're out of the dark You're out of the night.
Step into the sun Step into the light.
Keep straight ahead for the most glorious place
On the Face of the Earth or the sky.
Hold onto your breath Hold onto your heart Hold onto your hope.
March up to the gate and bid it open
(Lyrics from "You're out of the woods" from The Wizard of Oz)
Have you been living in a black and white (abusive) existence??? It's time to allow COLOR back into your life; JOY, PEACE, LOVE, KINDNESS...all the things that you are deserving, JUST because YOU are YOU!
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