The Gift

When you lose something in your life, stop thinking it's a loss for you...

it is a GIFT you have been given 

so you can get on the right path 

to where you are meant to go, 

not to where you think you should have gone.

~ Suze Orman ~

Have you embraced LOSS in your life? I have. I have welcomed loss and embraced the greater opportunities that I NOW have after having "received loss" in my life. It sounds like a contradiction in terms or paradox but we CAN receive loss...and I have received many losses and view them in my life as a GIFT.

I lost both parents to death; 15 months apart. They had lived full lives and I had the privilege of caring for them for the majority of the last 5 years of their lives as their health declined and lives came to an end. I am so thankful to have had good parents. I miss them of course, but I realize that "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". In some strange way, this thought brings me much consolation and peace.

I have known, loved and lost to death several wonderful people of note in my life. Family members: My Grandmother, Great Uncles, Aunts and cousins. Neighbors: Mrs. Breyer's; the first Akron Police Deparment woman officer. Richard "Pa" Weldon; a beloved school choir director, church choral director and friend. Papa Max. An Lithuanian Holocaust Survivor; a very intelligent and loving man. Jeri Rhinehart. My music friend and opera aficionado whom I enjoyed watching and attending operas. There are so many others but these are at the TOP of my all important people in my life whom I have lost to death. I have been so blessed to have known these dear people of substance and authenticity. They ADDED so much to my life. I have to smile when I think of them; sometimes with an appreciative tear in my eye for all the beauty and love they brought to my life.

I have had several wonderful pets including several dogs, a few of them were just puppies, and even a feline and a few feathered friends. I will hold wonderful memories of fun in the sun at the dog park, providing dance music for my bird friends, and having the ability to nurturing an older "scaredy" cat who had been so neglected. I love animals and so appreciate having them in my life. The ones who may still remain alive, have lost a mother in many ways and the love of a special child who truly cared for them. I enjoyed making "Frosty Paw" treats and treating kitty to some "kitty pot". My most wonderful memory of a feathered friend occurred only a few days before my departure. A beautiful Blue and Gold Macaw, quite bright and supposedly a "one person" bird; blessed me with the privilege of allowing me to take her out of her cage without any attempt to bite or peck at me. She sat sweetly and happily on my hand without climbing up on my shoulder in a dominating stance then allowed me to pet her and kiss her on the beak before returning her to her cage. I supposed she had "made me her person". 

I have had so many valuable; albeit many more of sentimental rather than monetary valued possessions. I can say that I think that I have given away more of my belongings that what I have owned; which sounds absurd but that is certainly how it has felt. Maybe I wasn't their owner but perhaps I was just borrowing them for a time. They are all just things and I don't hold onto things or people if they don't ADD something to my life. 

I have not accumulated or hoarded things as a recluse or one who needs the security of things to have some peace in life. I have found peace in letting go of things. I have FREED myself from the prison of wanting something that I no longer own or enjoy. I do not have to "have them" to be happy. I am very happy and will continue to be happy without them...the things and persons will forever remain in my past. They are no longer a part of my life. I can SMILE about that. I have enjoyed them and let them go. 

I am free to embrace the moment; enjoy each day with new relationships; love, interests and hobbies that provide many more wonderful memories. 
As far as looking somewhere over the rainbow for happiness; I have found that I feel much like Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz who said: 

"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, 

I won't look any further than my own back yard. 

Because if it isn't there, 

I never really lost it to begin with! 

Is that right? "

Maybe like me, you will hopefully discover that YOU are the person whom someone else has LOST due to neglect, abuse, unloving behavior who was a person who just wasn't worthy of you in their lives. 

Those who are worthy of your love, 

will keep and honor your love, 

not lose it. 

We may feel that we were foolish for loving or trusting something that was taken from us when actually, we are the most blessed people of them all.  But really, they DON'T MATTER TO US anymore. We are free to focus on things and persons who bring WORTH and JOY into our lives. We can be happy with ourselves even if we lose everything and everyone who once meant anything to us.... The ONLY thing that we truly need is ourselves.

We may feel that we have lost so much in our lives but We HAVE SO MUCH MORE than we have ever lost. Just hold onto memories that bring you joy; the rest doesn't matter at all. 
You have yourself, the GREATEST GIFT that anyone can have.

What money can't buy...

Money can't buy: 

• happiness
• peace of mind
• health
• joy
• comfort 
• friendship
• true love
• and so much more...

Sometimes we don't know how TRULY RICH we are until we meet someone who seems to "have money" and NOTHING else. They have no peace, joy, love, friendship, TRUE LOVE because; though they may "have money" they are the "poorest of the POOR"...they do not possess the WEALTH that cannot be bought because they do not "have themselves". 

Even when we are RICH mentally, emotionally and spiritually, may not realize that there are persons who are NOT AS WEALTHY as we are...and they cannot purchase what we have with all the money in the world...only TRUE wealth can acquire for us.

I have immeasurable wealth and resources that supply more than what I need each day. I am a genuine example of a person who is "Singing a New Song". I am a loving, intelligent and VERY vital woman who LOVES wholeheartedly, LIVES life fully and freely, ACCEPTS and LOVES MYSELF because I "know who I am". How did I get HERE??? I followed my heart; I "found myself, healed from abuse and learned to dream again".

So when you look at your life; look at WHO you have rather than WHAT you have. WHAT you have will never "make up" for WHO you don't have, if you don't "have YOU". If you have YOU and I suspect that you do, you are RICH BEYOND MEASURE and it is about time that you realize it and start living your life in the RICHNESS that you deserve.

”If We Command Our Wealth, We Shall Be Rich And Free. 

If Our Wealth Commands Us. We Are Poor Indeed ” 

~ Edmund Burke ~ 

Depths of Sorrow, Heights of Joy

When you are joyous, 

look deep into your heart

and you shall find 

it is only that which has given you sorrow 

that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful, 

look again in your heart

and you shall see that in truth 

you are weeping for that 

which has been your delight.

~ Kahlil Gibran ~

Everything begins and ends with the heart. Without it, there is no love. With it, there is pain as well as joy. The heights of its joy can only be exceeded by the depth of its sorrow. The heart is what life is about.I have found Kahlil Gibran's poem to be so very true, painfully true. Through what and whom I have received the greatest heights of joy, I have certainly also felt the deepest sorrow and grief that I could not even have imagined. 

The cost of love. Yet, I cannot see our lives being truly wonderful without the heart. The most fragile and yet strongest "member" of our being. Only when we give our hearts the freedom to feel the pain, the sorrow, the pleasure and the joy will we be "Singing a New Song". The journey of "finding myself, healing from abuse and learning to dream again" required that each and every turn would open another part of my heart; part that had been closed by fear and darkened by pain.

Healing is worth it...and so are you!

Taking GOOD care of myself

I really enjoy a good cup of tea in a china cup from a china tea pot; warmed in the traditional English style. I love the scent of blossoming lilacs. I love the color purple and the scent of these beautiful flowers. 


I can more easily enjoy the SIMPLE PLEASURES IN life; what we all need to take good care of ourselves. It may take some discipline or better yet a renewed focus ON ONESELF in order to get to the place where we can enjoy the "simple pleasures" again. I am definitely a woman who believes in the Simple Joys of life and I embrace them whenever they are available and even create opportunities to enjoy what I want to enjoy when I want to enjoy it. When we are in an abusive relationship or have contact with an abusive person who demeans, discounts or disrespects us they are very likely to say "You are SO selfish to just think of yourself"...this is an abuser's main way of saying "You are not paying enough attention to ME, you must worship ME and you must allow ME to control and abuse you". 


Today, I would love to invite you to join me in a cup of tea; 

Find your own voice and sing your heart song...

Finding our voice.  

That is what a survivor of abuse HAS TO DO in order to become a survivor and SPEAK OUT against abuse. As a singer, I have always been expressive through my music. Finding "my voice" in speaking out negativity and abuse has been the hardest challenge in my life. I am now trying to SPEAK OUT  and use "my voice" to encourage others to "find their heart song and sing it". 






I love what the Poet Rumi said "Let what you love BE what you DO". Sometimes we have to just remind ourselves "to love" and enjoy the beauty within us as well as the beauty surrounding us. Life is so short and there is SO much beauty to discover and enjoy; sometimes we forget to "look within" and find the beauty IN ourselves. 

Waking up with a smile

I have been found guilt and convicted...of waking up with a smile on my face. HOW COULD I NOT smile with the waking thought that I am finally with the man that I have loved FIRST and loved through almost 26 years of separation. Those years were hell for both of us. (see Back to Our Future Stories Page) So many indications and pieces of evidence are everywhere; poems, ceramic dragons (with two "baby dragons" coming out of their shells), pictures and a gold pearl ring from his mother remind us daily that we really refused to live without each other's memory though there seemed to be NO real possibility of ever seeing each other; let alone, loving each other again and for always. I think of all the years that I woke up with "dread" all over my face; my forehead squished up in pain, my teeth clenching or nerves feeling raw all over my body to where getting up out of bed was the LAST THING that I wanted to do. This is of course when my "last husband" was working nights and I DID have several  good reasons to get up in the morning;  one was that he was NOT lying next to me and I could get my son  dressed and ready for school as well as get myself to work; all positive.

Have you ever "woken up with a smile?". If not, when you wake up after your next night's sleep, think of the ONE THING that you are waking up FOR. I could also think of my son ;now but I have had the pleasure and joy of thinking of the man lying next to me with his arm around my waist whom I have LONGED to love and BE WITH for over 25 years.  I don't even try to contain or suppress that "I am happy to be alive" smile, I just enjoy it.

Thinking on "good things" is a joyful way to wake up every morning; it is really more like the REASON we WANT TO GET UP in the morning. And you know, that NOTHING can PUT that smile on our face like having what really brings us joy in our lives. When we have JOY in our lives; WE HAVE LOVE in our lives. WE DESERVE IT.

Hope your tomorrow starts out with a SMILE!

With GOD ALL things are possible!

I call myself "newsong" because ever since I became a believer in Christ Jesus; June 28,1985, I have been "singing a new song".

I have made a FULL CIRCLE of my life in the past 30 years. I started college and fell in love with G; my love of over 4 years and we broke up and both married two others before reuniting this past February. We saw each other for the first time in almost 26 years on Feb. 15th; the day after Valentine's Day when he sent a dozen red roses to my workplace. My Love. We have made it a "full circle" to come back together. Something that neither of us ever thought would be possible. But I had been praying for years that he and I would both be "single" and able to "get back together" during the "Dark Ages" while the years between us passed. We realize that we were both single and available from Oct. 1996- Jan. 1999. A short span but both of us were legally single yet we did not look for one another then. We had resigned to the fact that "life was suppose to suck" and after one failed marriage each; while still pining for each other, we "fell into" abusive relationships that really made us "long for each other" even more.

When I said that I was "praying for the day" that both G and I would be single; I wasn't kidding. I looked online in Jan. 2011 and found that he was NOT married. His mother had passed and it appeared to be a recent passing (it was actually 2007; a month after I delivered my still birth son at 5 months gestation) so I had it confirmed that HE was single since no wife's name was next to his on her obituary notice. I JUMPED for JOY; not at his "being single and alone" but more for his "being single again and available". I had ONLY wanted him to be happy and if not with me, with another very lucky woman. He had two and neither of them were what and WHO he really wanted. They were both jealous of me just as my two husbands knew of and were jealous of G's place in my heart and life.

I was separated from my second husband at this time and realized months before that it was time to contact a lawyer for divorce proceeding. We had a terrible tragedy happen that an employee that I worked with had died suddenly near this time and it spurned me to contact G even more; through my hot tears I swore to myself that death would NOT separate us and that I would contact him and see him again...soon.