What's in your heart???

Why do we fear to look within? 
Don't we know that what is "within" is the true "us"? And why do we avoid the truth about who we are when that is what is needed to be healed and made whole???

LOOK into your heart today...don't be afraid. 



I suppose that we might think that it might be easier for an introspective, intuitive personality to be "inward looking" but what about the EXTRAVERTS...like myself? We have NO excuse...I know that we can "look within" as long as we are WILLING to accept and embrace what we see without judgement. 

The only justice is to follow the sincere intuition of the soul, angry or gentle.

Anger is just, and pity is just, but judgement is never just.

~ D. H. Lawrence ~

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I love when things are transparent, free and clear 

of all inhibition and judgement.

~ Pharrell Williams ~ (of "Happy" fame)

I have looked within my heart all my life. I have always known that the only way to live a life and "find myself, be healed from abuse and learn to dream again", starts with ME accepting myself without judgement. With gentle openness and acceptance. And as soon as we accept and love ourselves, the sooner we allow ourselves to accept and love others.

I have often said that I am am writer but I admit, that I am much more a thinker and philosopher, counselor and friend and helper to many, including myself than the writer that I have hoped to become. I accept this in myself. If I want to become more of a writer; I must WILL myself to BE more of a writer. Happiness, peace and wholesome living is just like that...we create it. And we must start with ourselves...

START WITHIN  TODAY...visit us at Singing a New Song  on Facebook...a place where you can begin to "find yourself, heal from abuse and learn to dream again".

YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

Reveling in the wonderful person that is "ME"

I have been told "You are so strong" . I may not have felt strong but I may have made a good decision, set a boundary to stop abuse or get angry and stand up for myself. I believe that the "strength" that they saw in me was just "ME being me". I learned that I could accept myself and NO LONGER DENY or discount my own feelings and thoughts but have learned to be respectful TO myself. 

This WONDERFUL POSTER from Pinterest (cannot read the creator's name) provides us one word adjectives that describes us for each letter of the alphabet. When others may not see just HOW we are healing from the damage of abuse, we can learn how to affirm ourselves and validate our own worth...

Nothing is impossible

It seems ludicrous doesn't it? Imagine a butterfly which weighs a fraction of an ounce (maybe not a gram of weight) trying to pull a pound (or half a kilogram) weighted rock. Ridiculous. Yet, I will propose that NOTHING is impossible. OH, I am not saying that the butterfly CAN pull the rock by a string. I bet that this would certainly BE impossible; BUT it is NOT impossible for the butterfly to free herself. Letting go of the weight that is tying her down. She doesn't HAVE TO pull the rock with her. Like abuse, if we can let go of the weight of abuse, then we can learn to fly again.


If our butterfly could grow muscles from the pulling of the rock, we could imagine that she will have become stronger and then if she were presented with a similar but less weighty object the next time, then perhaps, just perhaps...who knows what might happen. She just might be able to pull that rock along...or better yet, snap the string that binds her to the abuse...set herself free and "find herself", "heal from abuse" and "learn to dream again".



When we find ourselves in an abusive situation; we can VALIDATE ourselves and EVALUATE the situation and then ask ourselves "are we the butterfly who will be set free?" or will we continue to allow the rock to hold us down?
We have a choice...WE ARE WORTH IT!!!

Authenticity

original quote by Newsong4him.blogspot.com

Authenticity truly is a "higher level" aspiration in our lives and even more so after our self-esteem has been damaged by abuse. I have found that DECLARING who I am and even stating that "and I don't care who likes it" has been like a machete in a jungle bringing clarity to my path and safety along my way. I have the right to respect myself. To love myself and to BE REAL. I have the right as a human to "be who I am" with no apologies. As the above quote says: I may reflect you but I am STILL ME...

Finding our inner selves

The process of healing from abuse or tragedy has been described as a struggle for life, similar to the caterpillar's metamorphic emergence as a butterfly from a cocoon. For myself, I can relate to this "new life" as being a bit strange, unfamiliar and even scary. My focus had been on running away from abuse, denying the abuse and my self in order to live and grow through it. I had to "find me" before my healing began and that is while I was still living with and in the constant presence of abuse.

Once I was OUT of the abuse and begin to heal, I experienced the "shedding of the old skin" much like the picture represents. With each peel, I could feel old expectations and disappointments leave me. I sensed, as if for the first time, a cool breeze or breath of HOPE across my face. Fresh air and a renewed vision for my life. I learned that my new life had been INSIDE ME all along and could only come out when I truly felt that it would be safe for me to reveal myself...to myself.

Struggling through healing toward passion and creativity

It is called by many names, "dry period", "writer's block", "the blues" or the "doldrums", but anyway you label it, abuse and life's hard lessons have a way of sucking the creative energy out of us. I believe it is then that "need to refresh our passion" for life and whatever in life brings us joy. A "change of scene" or focus or paradigm shift may be the "jump start" that our creativity needs to thrive. Some say that we can "fake it til we make it" but I just have to believe in myself even when I feel lacking in hope and inspiration. I believe that merely acknowledging to ourselves that life has more purposelessness moments than not, is ENOUGH to throw us into the pit of despair and the dry well of mere existence. WE DO NOT need to accept mere existence as our "life"...we CAN hope and HAVE much more!

Our self esteem is so closely tied to our creative expression that any threat or damage due to abuse can totally disable our ability and even desire to express ourselves. We deserve to BE CREATIVE and enjoy life and everything that brings us joy; why have we allowed other's mistreatment and abuse toward us destroy or cripple the wonderful artistic beauty that we hold within us all? We did not consciously "allow" anyone to abuse us but due to many familiar influences and personality and mental processes, we "thought" that the treatment of a spouse, loved one or friend was "normal". We lived with abuse for SO LONG that we do not know what normal is any more. We are either in jeopardy of  losing our life's focus and sense of individuality and purpose or we may have already "lost ourselves".  I have found that one way to "find ourselves" is to search for the creative energy within us and encourage it to thrive IN SPITE of anyone else's opinion. We need to learn to VALIDATE ourselves because those in our lives, whom we have trusted with "ourselves" have failed to provide the validation, safety and nurture that all persons require and deserve.

When "the blues" hit you next time; see it as an OPPORTUNITY to invest in yourself. See it as a "red flag" or warning that there is a "breach in security" and that the wonderful person that you are and all you hold in your heart is in peril! EMBRACE the joy within you and RUN WITH IT...grab a hold of yourself and don't let go. 

Don't fool yourself

Youtube link to Fooling yourself by Styx

 

Fooling Yourself 

       by Styx

 

Relax.. Take it easy...

You see the world through your cynical eyes
You're a troubled young man I can tell
You've got it all in the palm of your hand
But your hand's wet with sweat
And your head needs a rest


And you're fooling yourself if you don't believe it
You're kidding yourself if you don't believe it.

Why must you be such an angry young man
When your future looks quite bright to me?
And how can there be such a sinister plan
That could hide such a lamb
Such a caring young man

And you're fooling yourself if you don't believe it
You're killing yourself if you don't believe it

Get up, (get up!) get back on your feet
You're the one they can't beat and you know it
Come on (come on!) let's see what you've got
Just take your best shot and don't blow it.
Ohhh....."

And you're fooling yourself if you don't believe it
You're killing yourself if you don't believe it

Emotional abuse leaves no visible scars

It may sound like a teenager's whine when actually it can be a cry of a controlled and abused heart of a woman in a domestic abusive marriage.

I was told "who" and "what" I was, defined by another person's words, as well as "what I thought" and "what I was going to do". When looking from the outside into a marriage like this, it would probably be viewed by one counselor when he asked me, "YOU are telling me that THIS is your marriage?".  What an eye opener.  


If you feel that you are currently IN an abusive relationship; I have to tell you that THERE IS HOPE of being free from it. I am PROOF. I was demeaned, discounted, controlled and brain washed into thinking that I "couldn't make it" without him. I felt so hopeless that my life could ever change that I thought I might never "make it on my own".  But somehow, that is EXACTLY what I did. It didn't happen in one day; actually it took YEARS of soul searching, introspection and personal scrutiny and analysis before I began to recognize the abuse for what it was. I had to overcome my denial that "my marriage" could be healed before I could even consider being free from abuse..

A Valentine for Hurting Hearts

For all the precious, lonely and hurting hearts on

Valentine's Day:

Valentine's Day may be a very special day for lovers but it seems to totally disregard the single, lonely hurting heart. Too many years I dreaded the upcoming "Lover's Holiday".  I would mournfully walk throughout the mall and see all the beautiful festive red and white displays declaring the "love the of the ages" and all the wares for sale to give to that "special someone". 

 

Every Valentine's Day, my heart was made sick to think that I had "loved and lost" before and was afraid that I might NEVER know that again. 

I was reminded of other dear hearted women who had been hurt and abused and face each Valentine's Day in the same way. 

I felt that this holiday was a very wicked reminder of the cruelty of abuse...again and again each year. 

I am so sorry for your pain. 

And most of all,  I'm sorry to myself  

for treating me worse than I would anyone else.

Making our lives count

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

John Lennon (1940 - 1980), "Beautiful Boy"

I enjoy a good movie. One of my favorite movies with Richard Dreyfuss is "Mr. Holland's Opus"(1995).  The above quote was taken from the movie; a very poignant and touching look at REAL life and if you haven't seen it I would like to HIGHLY recommend it to you. As in real life, the movie takes Mr. Glenn Holland from his young adulthood right out of college to his retirement from being a school music teacher; not the famous career that he had hoped for all of his life. It is as though Mr. Holland was always "working on his Opus" and not until the end of the story, (not a spoiler, don't worry), does he begin to realize that the journey WAS the life that he wanted all along and the destination was not the prize that he was truly seeking. 

 Life's a journey, not a destination.

 Steven Tyler

                                                                                                                                                  (NOW; THIS is a spoiler warning; one of the LAST scenes of the movie)

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"Adult Gertrude Lang:
Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life and on a lot of lives I know. But I have a feeling that he considers a great part of his own life misspent. Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his. And this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn't rich and he isn't famous, at least not outside of our little town. So it might be easy for him to think himself a failure. But he would be wrong, because I think that he's achieved a success far beyond riches and fame. Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched, and each of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony Mr. Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus.  
We are the music of your life.  

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We have heard that "life is what we make it". It doesn't have to be something that "happens to us", we can intentionally enjoy the daily journey of living, loving and growing and if perchance we "don't quite make our destination", we will be happy knowing that we have enjoyed the journey. It is like being on an Autumn road trip; sometimes it doesn't matter where you are going as long as you are enjoying the scenery along the way.

 

If we "don't' quite make the destination" that we had initially planned, hopefully we can look back on our lives and and say "that was really a good ride".