When healing feels like mountain climbing

Acadia National Park, Maine, USA. 

No one EVER said that healing emotionally and intellectually after abuse was easy; certainly NOT me. I know that it feels like an uphill battle...it can be lonely and it can be scary. 

At times, maybe most of the time, our healing journey feels like climbing and even scaling a mountainside...we are always pushing ourselves to "go higher" with little to no understanding or expectation of what it will look like when we get to the top. 


I remember climbing hills and "being a mountain goat" among the rocky mountain sides near my home when I was young. I loved to hike and found a challenge in ever nook and crevice along the way. I was careful to make sure that my FOOTING was secure...this is a really important step (pardon the intentional pun) in our healing journeys as well.

There were times that I had to pause and rest along the way; it wasn't a sprint or a race. I PACED MYSELF.

The higher I climbed the better the view looked; I could SEE FARTHER when I was up higher. It also gave me greater motivation to continue.

As I looked BACK, I could see what I had left and I was NOT sorry for having traveled though it might have been treacherous at times.

I could feel that I HAD BECOME STRONGER already. I had climbed this high and experienced a "new perspective" on my world and I felt like I had really accomplished something.

When I reached the top; which it may feel like we never succeed in doing in our healing journeys, it is exhilarating. I know that I have had moments, experiences and feelings of great joy and pride in my own accomplishments along my healing path and that I could ENJOY THE TRIP more if I was not focused on the "end" result...in life, in my opinion, it is the journey that is what it is all about; not the mountain top.

Our life's journey is really all about "finding ourselves, healing from abuse and learning to dream again" and to accomplish each step in our own time and way...It will not be done in one day; it is a healing journey that sometimes feels like climbing a mountain...and that's okay. WE are worth it all!!!

Be happy

I have personally learned something VERY VALUABLE that I would like to share with you...

If you are in an abusive relationship; healing from an abusive relationship and fearing another abusive relationship; THIS message is for you. ONE THING that abuse cannot do is IMITATE JOY. An abuser or mentally ill person will PROJECT their negative emotions and "bad behavior" onto those who are "acting" in a way that will sustain that "belief". They really WANT to believe that they are not the ones who are abusive but that they are the victims, and being abused by us. 


So what do we do when we are the victim of projection; the denial of unpleasant and even painful revelation of emotions faced by another person; maybe one who has a mental illness? 

• PUT ON A HAPPY FACE...they cannot project their "Nasty attitudes" and "Nasty tone of voice" to someone who is not mirroring it back to them!!!!! (let that sink in for a moment)

• BE HAPPY...BE YOURSELF...NO ONE can make you less happy than you can make yourself, and there is NO ABUSE or PERSON who is powerful enough to take your joy away. HOLD ONTO YOUR JOY and smile and be happy around those who want to accuse YOU of abusing them...like an argument, it really isn't even a "conversation" if two people aren't talking. Don't try to appease them...BE HAPPY.

• It is so true that MISERY LOVES COMPANY; don't invite Misery to your house for dinner. INVITE JOY and HAPPINESS and you will see that Misery loves "other company" and should "stay home" if they aren't able to DUMP their negative feelings and self-concept on you. Problem solved. 

• I have studied abusive behavior a LONG time and this seems to be a SOLUTION to abuse. DON'T give it power by "being like it". Don't be the mirror which enables them to USE US to project feelings that they do not want to deal with onto us!!!

• JUST BE YOU!!! You can call me "smiley face" from now on because I am not "waiting" for anyone to make me happy. I will bring my own happiness into my life and keep it; if no one wants to be around happiness, that is fine with me. 

• You are worth it!!!

Living again

I love life but there have been many times in my life that I did NOT feel loved. I was being abused. I have been writing this blog from a the perspective of a "nearly fully healed" mother, wife, daughter, and friend.  
I have challenged myself to find myself, heal from abuse and dare to dream again. This blog has been part of my healing journey and I hope to "pay back" many who have helped me along the way and "pay forward" to reach out to others who have found themselves in the same place I had. 

I can relate to your pain and fear in facing the extremely difficult obstacle of denial. I had to accept many new and unwelcome things about myself before I could realize that I was living in an abusive relationship. I had a more difficult decision to make regarding HOW I would extricate myself from an abusive marriage; it just wasn't a simple task. It was scary. When we are psychically and emotionally hurt from attacks on our self esteem, especially by those who are supposed to be loving us, it can nearly destroy who we are. We can LOSE ourselves. We then are afflicted with our own negative self-talk and may try to find our way out of the pain of living a life with no happiness or resolve. We just try to find the strength and stamina to face another day with seemingly very little accomplished toward healing and living a healthy life. But through ALL of this, I have learned to HOLD ONTO HOPE that things WILL get better...and for me, they did.

Finding me was the first step to healing from abuse 

which is necessary to learn to dream again...

you can do it too.

I have been OUT of an abusive marriage for almost two years. I have found that I had been able to do many instinctively good things for myself and bravely faced the truth of the denial that I was being abused by a christian no less. I accepted the truth as I understood it and started taking care of myself; thinking that those who abuse us will NOT be taking care of us; but only using us to take care of themselves. I realized that I had been abused and carried within my mind, heart and soul, the pain and damage that abuse wields.

When I began to say NO to abuse, 

say YES to me 

I felt free to DREAM AGAIN...

“When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this - you haven't.” ― ---------- Thomas A. Edison

I love this; "when you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this- you haven't"...
leave it up to Thomas A. Edison to leave us with another wonderful truism. Of all people, he would have truly known this. He created THOUSANDS of wonderful, life-changing inventions and realized that UNTIL he succeeded; failure was just another attempt to show him how it was NOT to be done.