Change is beautiful

There is no greater time to start believing that change is beautiful than during the Autumn Season. Change is part of life; it is the necessary recording of time that gives life a certain "je ne sais quoi". 


It seems to me that change must seem much easier to accept when we were children. We did not have to worry about consequences and payments, time restraints and commitments  Our only commitment was to "have fun growing up" and change was just part of it all, especially in our bodies with the "growing pains" that we endured. Even those growing pains, though big to us at the time, seem like little nuisances now in comparison to our adult problems. 

Why does "change" sometimes brings with it, a sense of hesitation or dread? I propose that it is the change that we feel very little influence or control over that we fear or dread the most. When we are in charge of the change, when we have the power and plan to proceed with making even deep, inner changes, we have confidence that we can succeed. But when change is cast upon us, thrust upon us, thrown at us in such a way that it obviously conflicts with everything that we have previously believed, it causes much cognitive dissonance... confusion in our thoughts.  From Wikipedia: Cognitive dissonance is the distressing mental state that people feel when they "find themselves doing things that don't fit with what they know, or having opinions that do not fit with other opinions they hold." Change can be beautiful, even when it comes with the pain of having to change our thoughts in order to accept and live with the results that change has left in our lives.

Next time you look at a leaf, fallen from a tree, beautiful changed in color from the green, chlorophyll rich leaves of spring and summer, just think of it as a "seasonal change" in the life of the leaf. It is natural and to us, it can be very beautiful. We can even think of ourselves, as a leaf, constantly changing and yes, getting older and naturally aging. Embrace the change you may not be able to "alter" to any great degree...it is life. Change may be hard at first, but realize that life is good and can only be made better by "going with the flow of change" rather than fighting against it.

Catch a falling star...

Art by Josephine Wall

Have you ever "let your imagination run away with you?" I know that I had been afraid to imagine my life as I would truly wanted it to be. My "self" was damaged and feeling unworthy due to believing how an abuser defined me and constantly disrespected me. It might have also been partly due to my own fear of NOT getting what I thought that I had wanted. And then again, I was not willing to "imagine having what I had always wanted" for fear of being discontent in the "here and now".



If you have felt this way, we might both feared dreaming because we might have talked ourselves into believing that "dreams do not come true" for us. I felt this way for a long time and no doubt, you might have also. But one day, it changed for me. In one epiphanic moment, I was struck dumb and filled with grief over a co-workers tragic and sudden death. I became like a child who was watching a falling star. I had believed that if I saw a falling star, that I only had to make a wish upon it and my dream would come true. This "falling star moment" was my moment of getting past ALL my fear...looking deep within myself and deeming myself worthy of my dream, if not only for a moment. I sat there, staring deeply into my fear of NOT getting what I had always dreamed of and realizing that I needed to "make my wish known". I only had to "imagine" that my dream could come true...if only for a moment. A moment was all that I needed to make a wish upon it and then "catch my falling star". 

This artwork spoke to me. I have felt like the beautiful being catching the falling star in Josephine Walls beautiful painting. Just imagine, if only for a moment...when your "falling star" comes your way. Dreams do come true. Make your wish. Don't allow fear to come between you and your destiny!!!

Self respect

We have learned so much about how we treat ourselves and that we teach others how they are permitted to treat us and if we respect ourselves, others will respect us. But in abusive relationships, even when we respect others, we may not have that respect reciprocated and thus we may be in danger of not respecting ourselves. This is a slippery slope of how our self-image and self-esteem can be damaged from abuse.

Where do we "draw the line" and set a boundary so that others will not disrespect us? Honestly, there are some people, abusive and unloving people who may never respect us. They may continue to treat us disrespectfully while boldly denying that they are doing so, for as long as we have contact with them. These are the people in our lives; or whom we have allowed into our lives, who may be suffering from mental illness. 

In my past verbally and emotionally (and intellectually as well) abusive marriage, I learned SO much about "me". I learned that if I allow someone to disrespect me, they will do so most of the time. This realization revealed much cognitive dissonance due to the fact that I wanted to believe that he "was the christian man that he claimed to be" while having to reconcile the facts of his behavior as being abusive toward me. This was the "denial breaker"...realizing that I did not have to believe anything about him but what the truth of his behavior said to me. I needed to acknowledge my feelings about it, him and our relationship OUTSIDE of the "christian parameters" that I expected of him. If this is an issue that you are facing; there are many other posts on this blog that might be helpful to you. I understand, care and can help in sharing my experiences and what "worked" for me. When we think about having a relationship with people who behave this way toward us, we need to honestly see how things really are. We need to step out of denial and have respect for ourselves.

I realized that the "more that I respected myself, the less that I allowed myself to be treated disrespectfully" without saying anything about it and without internalizing it allowing it to damage my "self" esteem. I could not stop his disrespectful behavior unless I removed myself, ended the conversation or walked away. He was so narcissistic that he would unlock doors, follow me while yelling and cursing and after a while of this, I began to see that this was NOT the behavior that a "christian man" should have toward his wife. 

Self-respect; developing it and maintaining it while comparing the disrespectful behavior from others while keeping it was the start of "finding myself". We all deserve to be respected. If by no one else but ourselves, it will be enough. 

We are worth it.  

It's all a matter of perception...

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be” 

(Lao Tzu)

     Some may see a beautiful flower with a butterfly landing upon a slightly opened blossom. Others, perhaps see a beautiful woman. It all depends upon HOW we look at things. Do we accept the first things that we see as truth or do we look deeper to find a beauty that others may not seek?
     Reality. Some say that it is overrated but for the most part, isn't reality simply OUR perception of ourselves and the world in which we live?

     It seems to me that the biggest obstacles that we face in life may stem from our struggle with our concept of self-image and self-acceptance. If we want to appear to "be a certain way" and believe that our person is "honourable, honest or loving" for example, then we expect that all of our behavior WILL fall into a category congruent with that character. When it does not, cognitive dissonance; or "rationalization" as it can be called, calls for reduction of that dissonance.This is a very psychically painful situation and requires immediate attention and action.

It appears to me that the only way 

to truly find out "who you are" 

is to be willing to "let go" 

of who you think you are...