In Between

It is in between Summer and Autumn here in the Northeast United States. It is a time of cooling winds and less scorching days. It is a time of quieter neighborhoods as children have returned to school. It is a time that mother's meander in the shopping malls and grocery stores without the pulling and tugging of little ones of school age or the older whining of the young adult “tweeners” as they get in their daily complaint of why their electronic device is outdated and needs to be replaced. It is in between the heat and the cooling of the Earth. The change of the seasons is upon us and we are waiting, anticipating the various colors and hues that make Autumn the most beautiful season any where in the world.

We are in between the past and the future. In this past month, we commemorated the terrorist attack that ravaged our homeland twelve years ago. We want to leave the past in the past but have to remember so it doesn't happen again. If we forget the past; we are doomed to repeat it. The past is not far enough in the past for me. Ten years is not long enough to wipe the horrific scenes from my mind and heart that were seared into them on that day and the many days to follow.

We are in between peace and war. Every day, we are reminded that we do not live in a peaceful world. We look back upon our childhoods and think that we had National peace at that time. The Cold War in Russia; the Korean War or police action in Vietnam. These were not our wars but we were involved in them to keep the peace here in the United States. We feigned peace in our lives when the brink of war loomed over our heads. We tried to hide our heads in the sand and turn our eyes away from the truth that there is NO peace anywhere; lack of war is NOT peace.

We are in between truth and untruth. We claim to know the truth; that the truth will set us free but we more live in the lie that we have the truth than have the truth that obliterates lies altogether. The truth is claimed to be absolute by those who will hold onto it and defend their behavior and justify their abuse with their truth. The truth; the real truth, does not justify dark deeds but brings all deeds into the light to determine if they be of the truth or not. We live in an age of deception. The truth is a lie. As in the book by George Orwell, 1984, we use “newspeak” and are convicted of “thought crimes”. The line of truth and untruth is fading and eroding and we try to cling onto the truth for truth's sake and even for our own sake. Our sanity requires an hold onto the truth as we see it.

We are in between life and death. Some would say that as long as we are alive; we live. I disagree. I believe I know many people who have lived and only existed rather than truly lived a life. I would say that they might even have clung onto death; death of dreams, death of hope and death of all that they ever desired or longed for and only lived in this life in a partial way. They lived while they died instead of living UNTIL they died. Life is precious. To not live our lives, is to accept death before its time in our lives. My parents, bless their hearts, in my opinion, did not fully live out their lives and enjoy them as I would have hoped for them or myself. Oh, they reproduced themselves; three times. My brother, myself and my sister and several grandchildren; were my parents' accomplishments in their lives. They worked, they loved and some would say that they lived. I say that they hung onto life but did not swing with it. They did not let the breeze take them to new realms or fly over mountainous lands and deep seas. Their imaginations had no room to play but in the backyard where we played wiffle ball and yard jarts and was tolerated with our childish banter and joyfulness. They sat inside; reading the news on the printed page and writing bills and preparing meals. There seemed to be little joy in their lives. Some would say that they were raising a family but I believe that they were in between life and death and didn't know that by clinging to death and the expected end even in their desperate denial of their own mortality, they were denying the life source and force that could have changed their morbid existence into real living.

We are in between our heads and our hearts. We still have the hope and personal opportunity to take these in between times and make the most of them. We don't have to believe what we have always believed because someone else said so or passed a law that it should be done that way. We have more than our minds to guide our paths. We have hearts that must be engaged in this life if it is to be fully lived. Our heads only get in the way and leave us in the summer, the past, the fake peace, the truth that we do not see or the life that we can only hope to live. Our hearts are the connections between what is seen and what is unseen. To believe with the mind is to accept what others perceive without personal conviction. To believe with the heart, bridges the in between parts of our lives and fills it with meaningful, loving and life giving hope to step out of what we are in and move to where we ought to be.

Are you "in-between"??? At times, we all are. 

The Quiet Stillness of the Soul

She walks alone...
in the darkest of night, the rising fog swirls at her feet
as the sun peers through the clouds,
casting shadows along the path before her. 

There are times, many times in my life, where I have felt a deep peace, a stillness and quietness in my soul that seemed to pervade all the noise of the environment around me and overtake it. It totally fills my inner self with a great fullness; unlike the fullness of eating a large meal or a filling and overflowing of joy that comes after a family gathering, no, it is not like those at all. It seems that things like this are not usual subjects of conversation or interrogation. It is as though it only exists in the person who experiences it and cannot be brought out in the land of the living as other more common experiences can be.






Maybe the experience of deep inner peace is not so common. The quietness and stillness of the soul is a rare, perhaps even matchless or incomparable to any other human experience and emotional reality. Perhaps this stillness is reserved and even preserved for those who will give it the time and space that it needs to take residence. It is for and only seen by the patient soul; the one who is willing to set aside all the cares of the world and experience this deep inner knowing of peace.

I remember hearing both children as I was growing up and young women as I grew into adulthood complain of loneliness. I never really understood what loneliness was or why it was so aberrantly avoided and even shunned by people who just did not have someone to talk to for a moment. I have had to see that the term loneliness is really preferring to be with others who are not available “leaving us only to ourselves” and I could never understand how that is such a bad thing. How could anyone be lonely if they had themselves to entertain and hold company with? I just don't understand why anyone would not prefer being alone to having to spend time with a boorish uneducated and unimaginative “friend”. Why would I want to be with others when my mind would entertain me with the history and imagination of the ages instead? Sir Edward Dyer wrote a poem called “My mind to me a kingdom is”; the most profound and most celebratory statement for the concept and practice of “aloneness” that I have ever found. I guess that is what being a writer and “dreamer of dreams” is all about. How could I ever get bored or lonely when I have so much going on inside me?

Loneliness and being alone are two separate ideologies. Loneliness must imply a wanting for a specific person; to be in their presence and to experience their being and feeling a deep yearning to be with someone who is not able to be with us for whatever reason. We feel “lonely” for them. We yearn to be with them and in being with them, perhaps we are finding a part of ourselves or even communing with ourselves in the only way that we have learned how up to this point in our lives. I would imagine that loneliness under this definition would bring about great sadness and longing for another. What bothers me most about this concept is that it totally obliterates the sufficiency of the self; the enjoyment of our own uniqueness and the unequivocal imagination of having a real relationship with our “selves”. It is almost “self-denial” in its greatest or lowest form. This is what truly saddens me. Being alone on the other hand may imply the desire to spend time alone; solitude and introspective moments of deep peace and soul searching. Being alone acknowledges the separateness that makes each and every one of us human and special. Being alone affirms me as an individual and as a unique and wonderfully creative and productive person who has many heartfelt wishes and desires and hopes for my life and those whom I love; why would I NOT want to be alone?

When I think of quietness I think of a very undisturbed night where the breeze is tranquil or nonexistent. The birds and crickets are even asleep. They are miraculously stilled and hushed as if a blanket has been spread and the earth is giving vigil to the night. The quietness can be deafening. It is an eerie emptiness that transcends and exceeds our imaginative process of being possible. The quietness almost hurts our ears in its loudness of its presence where some would say that the lack of presence is what causes the quietness; I contend that the quietness overtakes the confusion and noise. 

When I think of stillness I can see a very serene pond or body of water that clearly and gently reflects the sky and all that is around it almost mirror like mockery that is a surreal picture of what does not exist. A paradox. Stillness is the absence of movement. Stillness of a body of water can reflect and reveal so much around it. It makes me wonder if a “still spirit” can do the same thing. Can a person with a “still and quiet spirit” reflect the world off of themselves for others to see? Just as “still waters run deep”, can a “still spirit” be deep with empowering quietness? There is something about the stillness and quietness that demands our respect and attention. Even louder than a scream for help, the stillness of the wind or water commands total honor. We are “stilled” in our tracks and must stop what we are doing and thinking in order to pay obeisance to the quietness; the stillness and the power of control whether it is revealed to us outwardly in nature or less obviously, in the heart of man.

There is much to say about the illusive qualities of quietness and stillness of the soul; but one only has to stop and listen; honor and respect the deep paradoxical full void of the self in its richest and most wonderful expression of life.

The most valuable friend we ALL have

I have another favorite poem; I love poetry and the poets' view of the world in which we live. The biggest world is our imagination and mind. They are two of our strongest assets. They are the expressions of our soul and the motor by which we generate and share the life giving force that we refer to as ourselves. Sir Edward Dyer wrote a poem called "My mind to me a kingdom is". It has been a help to me when life was "not so good".

  My Mind To Me A Kingdom Is

MY mind to me a kingdom is;

Such perfect joy therein I find

That it excels all other bliss

Which God or nature hath assigned. 

Though much I want that most would have,

Yet still my mind forbids to crave. 

 

No princely port, nor wealthy store,

No force to win a victory, 

No wily wit to salve a sore,

No shape to win a loving eye;

To none of these I yield as thrall,--

For why? my mind despise them all. 

 

I see that plenty surfeit oft,

And hasty climbers soonest fall;

I see that such as are aloft

Mishap doth threaten most of all.

 These get with toil and keep with fear;

Such cares my mind can never bear.

 

I press to bear no haughty sway,

I wish no more than may suffice,

I do no more than well I may,

Look, what I want my mind supplies. 

Lo! thus I triumph like a king,

My mind content with anything. 

 

I laugh not at another's loss,

Nor grudge not at another's gain;

No worldly waves my mind can toss;

I brook that is another's bane.

I fear no foe, nor fawn on friend,

I loathe not life, nor dread mine end. 

 

My wealth is health and perfect ease,

And conscience clear my chief defence;

I never seek by bribes to please,

Nor by desert to give offence.

Thus do I live, thus will I die,--

Would all did so as well as I! 

 

    Sir Edward Dyer

My mind and imagination has always been faithful to supply whatever life seemed to lack. I guess that life has "always seemed to lack" in many areas. I humorously look upon my imagination as being better than television. I would always rather read a book than see the movie; the book is always better. Maybe this is due to the fact that our minds can imagine and even re-create where our eyes will only see and interpret.

I have always welcomed solitude and did not run away from having to be alone. I love to "be with my thoughts". Overall, I think along these lines because we have the most valuable resources right within our own hands...ourselves. I would MUCH prefer to be alone with my thoughts than to be with many people;; especially those who have abused and mistreated me.

I would like to encourage everyone to meet a new friend today. Go to a mirror and smile. Say hello to that wonderful person who is smiling so warmly back at you. He or she really is a very kind, loving and warm person. Creative and witty. Fun-loving and full of joy and adventure. This person deserves your respect, care and love. Will you say something nice to this person? Affirm him/her and tell him/her just how valuable he/she is to you. How much you could not go on living without them and that you promise that from this day forward; you will trust him/her as your very soul. And by the way, while you are there, would you put your arms around this precious person and give them a hug FROM ME? I would appreciate it.