The Gift

When you lose something in your life, stop thinking it's a loss for you...

it is a GIFT you have been given 

so you can get on the right path 

to where you are meant to go, 

not to where you think you should have gone.

~ Suze Orman ~

Have you embraced LOSS in your life? I have. I have welcomed loss and embraced the greater opportunities that I NOW have after having "received loss" in my life. It sounds like a contradiction in terms or paradox but we CAN receive loss...and I have received many losses and view them in my life as a GIFT.

I lost both parents to death; 15 months apart. They had lived full lives and I had the privilege of caring for them for the majority of the last 5 years of their lives as their health declined and lives came to an end. I am so thankful to have had good parents. I miss them of course, but I realize that "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". In some strange way, this thought brings me much consolation and peace.

I have known, loved and lost to death several wonderful people of note in my life. Family members: My Grandmother, Great Uncles, Aunts and cousins. Neighbors: Mrs. Breyer's; the first Akron Police Deparment woman officer. Richard "Pa" Weldon; a beloved school choir director, church choral director and friend. Papa Max. An Lithuanian Holocaust Survivor; a very intelligent and loving man. Jeri Rhinehart. My music friend and opera aficionado whom I enjoyed watching and attending operas. There are so many others but these are at the TOP of my all important people in my life whom I have lost to death. I have been so blessed to have known these dear people of substance and authenticity. They ADDED so much to my life. I have to smile when I think of them; sometimes with an appreciative tear in my eye for all the beauty and love they brought to my life.

I have had several wonderful pets including several dogs, a few of them were just puppies, and even a feline and a few feathered friends. I will hold wonderful memories of fun in the sun at the dog park, providing dance music for my bird friends, and having the ability to nurturing an older "scaredy" cat who had been so neglected. I love animals and so appreciate having them in my life. The ones who may still remain alive, have lost a mother in many ways and the love of a special child who truly cared for them. I enjoyed making "Frosty Paw" treats and treating kitty to some "kitty pot". My most wonderful memory of a feathered friend occurred only a few days before my departure. A beautiful Blue and Gold Macaw, quite bright and supposedly a "one person" bird; blessed me with the privilege of allowing me to take her out of her cage without any attempt to bite or peck at me. She sat sweetly and happily on my hand without climbing up on my shoulder in a dominating stance then allowed me to pet her and kiss her on the beak before returning her to her cage. I supposed she had "made me her person". 

I have had so many valuable; albeit many more of sentimental rather than monetary valued possessions. I can say that I think that I have given away more of my belongings that what I have owned; which sounds absurd but that is certainly how it has felt. Maybe I wasn't their owner but perhaps I was just borrowing them for a time. They are all just things and I don't hold onto things or people if they don't ADD something to my life. 

I have not accumulated or hoarded things as a recluse or one who needs the security of things to have some peace in life. I have found peace in letting go of things. I have FREED myself from the prison of wanting something that I no longer own or enjoy. I do not have to "have them" to be happy. I am very happy and will continue to be happy without them...the things and persons will forever remain in my past. They are no longer a part of my life. I can SMILE about that. I have enjoyed them and let them go. 

I am free to embrace the moment; enjoy each day with new relationships; love, interests and hobbies that provide many more wonderful memories. 
As far as looking somewhere over the rainbow for happiness; I have found that I feel much like Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz who said: 

"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, 

I won't look any further than my own back yard. 

Because if it isn't there, 

I never really lost it to begin with! 

Is that right? "

Maybe like me, you will hopefully discover that YOU are the person whom someone else has LOST due to neglect, abuse, unloving behavior who was a person who just wasn't worthy of you in their lives. 

Those who are worthy of your love, 

will keep and honor your love, 

not lose it. 

We may feel that we were foolish for loving or trusting something that was taken from us when actually, we are the most blessed people of them all.  But really, they DON'T MATTER TO US anymore. We are free to focus on things and persons who bring WORTH and JOY into our lives. We can be happy with ourselves even if we lose everything and everyone who once meant anything to us.... The ONLY thing that we truly need is ourselves.

We may feel that we have lost so much in our lives but We HAVE SO MUCH MORE than we have ever lost. Just hold onto memories that bring you joy; the rest doesn't matter at all. 
You have yourself, the GREATEST GIFT that anyone can have.

The Quiet Stillness of the Soul

She walks alone...
in the darkest of night, the rising fog swirls at her feet
as the sun peers through the clouds,
casting shadows along the path before her. 

There are times, many times in my life, where I have felt a deep peace, a stillness and quietness in my soul that seemed to pervade all the noise of the environment around me and overtake it. It totally fills my inner self with a great fullness; unlike the fullness of eating a large meal or a filling and overflowing of joy that comes after a family gathering, no, it is not like those at all. It seems that things like this are not usual subjects of conversation or interrogation. It is as though it only exists in the person who experiences it and cannot be brought out in the land of the living as other more common experiences can be.






Maybe the experience of deep inner peace is not so common. The quietness and stillness of the soul is a rare, perhaps even matchless or incomparable to any other human experience and emotional reality. Perhaps this stillness is reserved and even preserved for those who will give it the time and space that it needs to take residence. It is for and only seen by the patient soul; the one who is willing to set aside all the cares of the world and experience this deep inner knowing of peace.

I remember hearing both children as I was growing up and young women as I grew into adulthood complain of loneliness. I never really understood what loneliness was or why it was so aberrantly avoided and even shunned by people who just did not have someone to talk to for a moment. I have had to see that the term loneliness is really preferring to be with others who are not available “leaving us only to ourselves” and I could never understand how that is such a bad thing. How could anyone be lonely if they had themselves to entertain and hold company with? I just don't understand why anyone would not prefer being alone to having to spend time with a boorish uneducated and unimaginative “friend”. Why would I want to be with others when my mind would entertain me with the history and imagination of the ages instead? Sir Edward Dyer wrote a poem called “My mind to me a kingdom is”; the most profound and most celebratory statement for the concept and practice of “aloneness” that I have ever found. I guess that is what being a writer and “dreamer of dreams” is all about. How could I ever get bored or lonely when I have so much going on inside me?

Loneliness and being alone are two separate ideologies. Loneliness must imply a wanting for a specific person; to be in their presence and to experience their being and feeling a deep yearning to be with someone who is not able to be with us for whatever reason. We feel “lonely” for them. We yearn to be with them and in being with them, perhaps we are finding a part of ourselves or even communing with ourselves in the only way that we have learned how up to this point in our lives. I would imagine that loneliness under this definition would bring about great sadness and longing for another. What bothers me most about this concept is that it totally obliterates the sufficiency of the self; the enjoyment of our own uniqueness and the unequivocal imagination of having a real relationship with our “selves”. It is almost “self-denial” in its greatest or lowest form. This is what truly saddens me. Being alone on the other hand may imply the desire to spend time alone; solitude and introspective moments of deep peace and soul searching. Being alone acknowledges the separateness that makes each and every one of us human and special. Being alone affirms me as an individual and as a unique and wonderfully creative and productive person who has many heartfelt wishes and desires and hopes for my life and those whom I love; why would I NOT want to be alone?

When I think of quietness I think of a very undisturbed night where the breeze is tranquil or nonexistent. The birds and crickets are even asleep. They are miraculously stilled and hushed as if a blanket has been spread and the earth is giving vigil to the night. The quietness can be deafening. It is an eerie emptiness that transcends and exceeds our imaginative process of being possible. The quietness almost hurts our ears in its loudness of its presence where some would say that the lack of presence is what causes the quietness; I contend that the quietness overtakes the confusion and noise. 

When I think of stillness I can see a very serene pond or body of water that clearly and gently reflects the sky and all that is around it almost mirror like mockery that is a surreal picture of what does not exist. A paradox. Stillness is the absence of movement. Stillness of a body of water can reflect and reveal so much around it. It makes me wonder if a “still spirit” can do the same thing. Can a person with a “still and quiet spirit” reflect the world off of themselves for others to see? Just as “still waters run deep”, can a “still spirit” be deep with empowering quietness? There is something about the stillness and quietness that demands our respect and attention. Even louder than a scream for help, the stillness of the wind or water commands total honor. We are “stilled” in our tracks and must stop what we are doing and thinking in order to pay obeisance to the quietness; the stillness and the power of control whether it is revealed to us outwardly in nature or less obviously, in the heart of man.

There is much to say about the illusive qualities of quietness and stillness of the soul; but one only has to stop and listen; honor and respect the deep paradoxical full void of the self in its richest and most wonderful expression of life.

Holding onto yourself

We deserve MORE in life than just "holding on".

I have often wondered, as an abuse survivor and person who is "finding herself, healing from abuse and learning to dream again", if I spend MORE energy "just holding onto me" than actually living my life. Do I spend more time in connecting with my thoughts and my self out of fear of losing them again?  

I am thankful for the introspective times that I can more easily focus on what is going on inside of myself when it seems like much going on outside is shaky and uncertain. I love knowing that I can turn inward for stability and do not require that which may "not be able" to be stable, to be stable for me. This is a "secret" of surviving abuse. Not expecting or requiring anyone to "be" any certain way for us. Like unreciprocated love, we "love" but if we expect someone who does not love themselves, to love us, then our expectation will bring us times of sadness, loss and sorrow. 

A big part of "holding onto myself" has always been positive self-talk or affirmations. For me, it has always been more "clarifying" and "stating the truth" to myself more than trying to guide my thoughts as a diversion or to "more positive" thoughts. Some things that we experience in live, no matter how unpleasant, need to be seen in truth and not "covered over" with a positive thought or spin. 

Is it healthy to "hold onto yourself"? I think so. I think that it may be part of our "finding ourselves" or "healing from abuse" parts of our healing journey. Once we make it through those healing phases and move into "learning to dream again", I have found that I "needed to hold onto me" less and less because I was NOT disconnected from myself and had coped with the abusive techniques by abusers to TRY to "get me away from myself". Once we get through "just surviving" mode, we have learned healthy coping mechanisms and clean boundaries so that we can NOW focus on more creative endeavors and ambitions. As a singer/songwriter, it has surprised me that at times of great stress, I was actually MORE active in my song writing. Many times, I had found that I had less energy to be creative and holding onto myself took much of my creative energy so I could "just survive". 

Do we "hold onto ourselves" because of fear of "losing ourselves again"? Maybe. But since we had felt the "loss" of ourselves and the pain and damage of abuse, who would want to live through that again? When we come to realize that we are "holding onto ourselves" we are finally realizing our worth and value. We know that we are permitted and have every right to protect and "grow" ourselves.

Wherever we are "in the process", let's remember that it is OUR LIFE and that whatever we need to learn, where ever we "are" on our healing journey, we owe it to ourselves to be patient and compassionate with ourselves. ♥

We really are worth it!!! ♥

(See more encouraging messages and thoughts on 
Facebook at  ♪ Singing a New Song ♪ )

Reveling in the wonderful person that is "ME"

I have been told "You are so strong" . I may not have felt strong but I may have made a good decision, set a boundary to stop abuse or get angry and stand up for myself. I believe that the "strength" that they saw in me was just "ME being me". I learned that I could accept myself and NO LONGER DENY or discount my own feelings and thoughts but have learned to be respectful TO myself. 

This WONDERFUL POSTER from Pinterest (cannot read the creator's name) provides us one word adjectives that describes us for each letter of the alphabet. When others may not see just HOW we are healing from the damage of abuse, we can learn how to affirm ourselves and validate our own worth...