The process of healing

I would like to share a little of how I have personally "found myself, healed from abuse and learned to dream again". I believe that WE ALL have had abuse in our lives; in some forms. Some have had abuse in much more physical and violent forms, while others may have had more of the mind-bending, soul-crushing, heart-wrenching verbal and emotional abuse, usually brought on by a relationship with a mentally ill or unhealed abused person.




I would like to share a little bit about "FINDING YOURSELF"... it seems to be such a silly concept. HOW can a person LOSE themselves? Yet, that is what many women especially, have stated regarding how they have felt during or after having gone through abuse. We feel that part of ourselves, at least, has been damaged or "lost". How do we RECONNECT again with our damaged selves? Where do we begin and how do we even START this healing journey?  I have found myself in the things that I love...like Rumi said so eloquently "Let the beauty of what you love, be what you do". This has been my life's motto...and I believe that it has brought me "back to myself" and all the wonderful things that make me, ME. 

The second focus is the PROCESS of "HEALING FROM ABUSE"...it seems to take a lifetime to REALIZE that we have been abused, then we must spend much introspection and gain valuable feedback from trusted others as to how it has affected our lives and behavior toward others before we may see how it has damaged us before we can even begin walking on the healing journey. As an introspective woman to begin with, (I had always thought of myself as an extrovert but this is NOT and has NOT been the case, a revelation and epiphany for me about ME!!!), I have always had a very deep and wonderful "inner life"...this is what I encourage YOU and all those who have been abused to seek...SEEK yourself. KNOW yourself...FIND YOURSELF...then love and accept yourself and walk along others on the healing journey. I allowed myself to use anti-depressants when I needed them (limited use but others may find that a more long term administration necessary) and I have been "in (and out) of counseling" for many life stresses and disappointments. I have turned to understanding myself and my life's situation through job change, step-parenting, parental alienation, spouse with addiction and a spouse with mental illness which resulted in much mental and emotional abuse as well as "going through the healing process" while "undergoing counseling"...it actually is no more than being willing to "SEE THE REAL YOU...all warts and all". 

The third major focus is "LEARNING TO DREAM AGAIN". This is so vital to our living. How can we live without having a dream??? I don't know. I do know that when we are being abused, it feels that our dreams are FAR TOO FAR AWAY to think about and comfort us and may even "be gone" as to never have the hope of seeing them come to pass in our lives. This is the epitome of hopelessness and this is exactly what we do NOT want in our lives; it brings with it all the negative aspects of personhood and life and reinforces how we feel rather than HOW WE CAN FEEL and DREAM again. I chose to "dream again" when I was separated from an abusive husband. I longed for my first love and chose to not live my life without reconnecting with him to see if what we HAD was real. I needed to know. I sought and found and regained that once precious and lost love. My dream had come true...and so can yours.

Let us walk along side you; wherever you are on your journey of life and self-discovery. 

YOU really are WORTH IT!!!

Between Seasons

Why does "this time of year" seem to be so hard for many people; especially those who experience loss, grief and on the healing journey from abuse?

1) The change of seasons create a CHANGE in our bodies and minds: our metabolism; heat making and heat distribution, carbohydrate metabolism and appetite and desires for more carbohydrate rich foods change slowely but surely. We seek "comfort foods", hot beverages and starches that "make us feel better" and raise our serotonin levels which are quickly depleted by decreased sunlight. So there are many physical and physiological as well as psychological reasons for the increeased stress at the "change of seasons"...especially from Autumn to Winter. 

2) The visual stimuli can become depressing as once colorful leaves turn brown and fall to the ground leaving bare trees. VISUALLY, we see change as a negative and even "dying".  

3) I have found it to be true for myself and so many others, that once memorable holidays with loved ones; bring the reality of LOSS and GRIEF as our loved ones who once gathered around the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Eve Dinner tables and are no longer with us.  

So for all of us- Those of us who are healing from abuse, those dealing with the loss and pain of grief from a loved one who is no longer with us or those who physically feel significant symptoms of depression (SAD) from Seasonal Affective Disorder from decreased sunlight or may be even few, hopefully, who are dealing with ALL of these simultaneously---THERE IS HOPE...this season WILL pass...in the meantime...

TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF...YOU ARE REALLY WORTH IT!!! 

Powerful force of love

I have love. I live for love. 

I feel and enjoy love daily and I allow love to empower me through many hard and dark times.

Love is the driving force and main sustainer 

of my life. 

I have done many studies on personality styles and how we develop habits and learn about ourselves and I realize that not everyone has "an inner world" that I seem to have. It is a secret place of SOLID confidence and trust. No one can penetrate it unless I allow them to do so. And once they have been denied entrance due to abuse and distrust, they may NEVER be allowed back and that is not a concern of mine. This confidence, deriving from a deep LOVE is what has sustained me through abuse. It gives me the freedom to "move on" and detach from the behavior and verbal abuse of a loved one; much to their chagrin. It is a powerful force that I will not allow anyone to control. 

What is a woman's greatest defense against abuse? Love for herself. You are worth it!!! 

Freedom. Will we EVER know it?

Haven't we all tried thought that "if we were just out of an abusive relationship" that life would be wonderful and that "everything would be fine" only to find it NOT to be the case.

I know that I have expected to feel like a bird flying out of a cage that had imprisoned it only to find that I had taken the damage of abuse with me. My cage might have gotten bigger, but until I was "on the healing journey", though I was "out of the cage", I was still imprisoned by the pain and memories of abuse.

So are you OUT of that abusive relationship but STILL feeling imprisoned by the ways that abuse had damaged your self-esteem, your hope and your ambition? I understand. We do take woundedness with us unless we HEAL from the abuse which we have extricated ourselves.

That's why it is SO important to FIND OURSELVES first. We find the person who has been suppressed, oppressed and abused and FREE HER, then we start on the journey of HEALING FROM ABUSE.  This is not only a life changing but life and thought altering process that we carry throughout the rest of our lives. We gain tools and resources and skills of discernment and understanding that we would not have learned any other way. While we are walking along, knowing more and more about the wonderful person who we are, we start LEARNING TO DREAM AGAIN.  This is the part of our healing that we really have a hard time believing exists at all.

I feel like I have lost myself; I don't know myself anymore.

I don't trust anyone, I have been hurt too much. Where do I begin healing? 

How can I dream again after all that I've been through 

when I can't even believe that I deserve to live without abuse? 

The answer to these questions and SO many others lie in the courage to be honest with ourselves in the midst of feeling the deep psychic, emotional and intellectual pain from abuse.  We have to believe that the pain that we feel is greater than the pain of healing and not be afraid to learn and grow OUT of the abuse. We need to get angry enough to say "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH" and we must constantly remember...that we need to hear... "YOU ARE WORTH IT".