“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional"
Haruki Murakami

The world consists of many types of people. There are "our" types; those who love wholeheartedly, care deeply, live passionately, give generously and are compassionate and want "everything good" for our loved ones and ourselves. We want to "find ourselves, heal from abuse and learn to dream again". 

Sadly, there are person who have been symptomatically and neurologically tested to be physiologically different from us; they have a "mental difference" that causes their behavior to be inconsistent, "on the edge of rage" all the time, hurt by imagined or at worst, unintentional "disrespect" or what we see as "petty arguments escalating to full blown rage". Some would say that this is abusive behavior but those with mental illness SUFFER greatly themselves. Not all abusers may be mentally ill, but I believe that some should garner compassion from those of us who understand and care about them. These symptoms are similar to many symptoms experienced by a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. It it insidious.

While we look at how other's behaviors affect us and can cause very deep emotional scarring and need for healing, we are also looking at our thoughts and feelings and determining which of them are "healthy" and are actually assisting us in healing from abuse. After we have been consistently walking our path of "finding ourselves, healing from abuse and beginning to learn to dream again", we will start seeing that we are not the only ones who have pain. Right now, we are protecting ourselves and establishing much needed boundaries to "SAY NO" to abuse and "take good care of ourselves". There will come a time, when we are feeling "pretty healed" and we will then be able to look more closely at our abuser's pain. Yes, they create it themselves but maybe without therapy, supportive medication and healing, they may not be able to do anything to help themselves. Let's shine some compassion upon this and ask "if you were in their shoes, and suffering through self-loathing, would you have compassion enough upon yourself to WANT to stop the negative and destructive self-talk?" While we CAN become more familiar and in control of our thoughts, those with a mental illness may have LESS control over themselves and their thoughts than we would ever imagine. This is the wickedness of mental illness; though we may love them, our love cannot "cure" them. We cannot "control" the abuse or their self-loathing and self-sabotage and we certainly have realized that we DID NOT CAUSE their pain and the pain we have felt from their abusive behavior toward us. 

Here at "Singing a New Song" we try to uncover the hidden obstacles, debilitating fear and thoughts that hold us back from "Singing a New Song". Understanding and having compassion on persons who "cannot" think and feel like we do (by themselves, without intense therapy, DBT preferred), we HELP OURSELVES heal from the "abuse" that we endure from them. 

KNOWLEDGE, WISDOM and COMPASSION is not just for those who are abusive to us; they are for US to understand and to not give into a victim mentality, we are survivors. 

We are worth it!!!

It's all a matter of perception...

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be” 

(Lao Tzu)

     Some may see a beautiful flower with a butterfly landing upon a slightly opened blossom. Others, perhaps see a beautiful woman. It all depends upon HOW we look at things. Do we accept the first things that we see as truth or do we look deeper to find a beauty that others may not seek?
     Reality. Some say that it is overrated but for the most part, isn't reality simply OUR perception of ourselves and the world in which we live?

     It seems to me that the biggest obstacles that we face in life may stem from our struggle with our concept of self-image and self-acceptance. If we want to appear to "be a certain way" and believe that our person is "honourable, honest or loving" for example, then we expect that all of our behavior WILL fall into a category congruent with that character. When it does not, cognitive dissonance; or "rationalization" as it can be called, calls for reduction of that dissonance.This is a very psychically painful situation and requires immediate attention and action.

It appears to me that the only way 

to truly find out "who you are" 

is to be willing to "let go" 

of who you think you are...