Our changing times

Autumn is really beginning here 

in the Northeast USA 

where the tree tops dance 

with glimmering slight yellow, 

red or orange flames along the 

Blue Ridge Parkway.  

As much as we would like to believe that all change will this pleasing to look at; we have known from experience that change is often HARD and sometimes, absurdly purposeless or at least it appears to be on the surface. 

I love the mountains. Though they seem to be constantly visible, they are constantly in flux or periods of change that is too subtle for the human vision until Autumn arrives. 

I can say that I have healed from years of verbal, emotional, spiritual and sexual abuse. I see relationships and people more clearly, truly and accept the truth of what they are and who they are like I have never been able to discern before. I feel very much at peace with who I am and find that EVERYONE who has been where I have been can BE where I am now...happy and healed.

We have a closed group for women only (sorry guys) called Healing and Hopeful (women preparing for healthy relationship after abuse). Please look for us on Facebook at: 

 https://www.facebook.com/groups/healingandhopeful/

We are changing and growing everyday. We are no longer accused by an abuser to "have changed on them" when we would no longer allow their abuse in our lives. We have always been growing, maturing, "finding ourselves, healing from abuse and learning to dream again".

Will you challenge your perspective on change today? 
Are you seeing your life from the mountaintop 
or are you stuck in the valley?

Isn't it time to take good care of yourself 
and look forward to "singing a new song" in your life? 
I think so.

I have done it and so can you...

Wishing you love and peace today my friend,
D 
Singing a New Song: 
https://www.facebook.com/Newsong4him

and 
Healing and Hopeful (closed group for women) 

The foundation of healing

Starting over is something that we must do to "find ourselves, heal from abuse and learn to dream again". Instead of embarking on a new adventure, we may feel that we have failed and have to "start again". That's when we need to find a "new song".

I remember saying to myself, "I want my old life back" but after much thought, I realized that my old life is what got me into an abusive relationship with a christian man whom I assumed would be respectful, loving and caring. My "old life" was one of dependence upon others, by choice, in trusting one who proved to be unworthy of my trust. I had an epiphany and vision of sorts, before I even began my healing journey. Sometimes, we may need to admit to ourselves, that "letting go" of the life that we are living and embracing a NEW life; one that does not necessarily try to hold onto to all or many of the elements of the damaged and abusive life that we endured, that it is time to find a new song to sing and stop trying to fix the old one. 

I remember being at a "deep healing" place in my life when I "needed to place bricks" (dislodged or misplaced) parts of my life, in the "road of my life" so that if I would ever need to walk over the same place again, they would be placed "squarely" so that I would not stumble over them. I likened the bricks to "tying each knot" and leaving no lose ends in the relationship/marriage so I could move on with my life. It might have been many years later that I began to understand, that I did not understand that I didn't understand so much about myself. 

I then started to believe that I wanted a NEW life. 

I wanted a life where I would be able to be freely me and to follow my dreams without hindrance. All in all, setting a GOOD foundation for my life; based upon truth and self-knowledge was where my healing could find a home and I could move on to invite peace into my life and world. 

My healing truly started with seeing "my brick road" before me, as a vision of the foundation for the healing path that I would safely and successfully travel the rest of my life.

Change is beautiful

There is no greater time to start believing that change is beautiful than during the Autumn Season. Change is part of life; it is the necessary recording of time that gives life a certain "je ne sais quoi". 


It seems to me that change must seem much easier to accept when we were children. We did not have to worry about consequences and payments, time restraints and commitments  Our only commitment was to "have fun growing up" and change was just part of it all, especially in our bodies with the "growing pains" that we endured. Even those growing pains, though big to us at the time, seem like little nuisances now in comparison to our adult problems. 

Why does "change" sometimes brings with it, a sense of hesitation or dread? I propose that it is the change that we feel very little influence or control over that we fear or dread the most. When we are in charge of the change, when we have the power and plan to proceed with making even deep, inner changes, we have confidence that we can succeed. But when change is cast upon us, thrust upon us, thrown at us in such a way that it obviously conflicts with everything that we have previously believed, it causes much cognitive dissonance... confusion in our thoughts.  From Wikipedia: Cognitive dissonance is the distressing mental state that people feel when they "find themselves doing things that don't fit with what they know, or having opinions that do not fit with other opinions they hold." Change can be beautiful, even when it comes with the pain of having to change our thoughts in order to accept and live with the results that change has left in our lives.

Next time you look at a leaf, fallen from a tree, beautiful changed in color from the green, chlorophyll rich leaves of spring and summer, just think of it as a "seasonal change" in the life of the leaf. It is natural and to us, it can be very beautiful. We can even think of ourselves, as a leaf, constantly changing and yes, getting older and naturally aging. Embrace the change you may not be able to "alter" to any great degree...it is life. Change may be hard at first, but realize that life is good and can only be made better by "going with the flow of change" rather than fighting against it.

The Quiet Stillness of the Soul

She walks alone...
in the darkest of night, the rising fog swirls at her feet
as the sun peers through the clouds,
casting shadows along the path before her. 

There are times, many times in my life, where I have felt a deep peace, a stillness and quietness in my soul that seemed to pervade all the noise of the environment around me and overtake it. It totally fills my inner self with a great fullness; unlike the fullness of eating a large meal or a filling and overflowing of joy that comes after a family gathering, no, it is not like those at all. It seems that things like this are not usual subjects of conversation or interrogation. It is as though it only exists in the person who experiences it and cannot be brought out in the land of the living as other more common experiences can be.






Maybe the experience of deep inner peace is not so common. The quietness and stillness of the soul is a rare, perhaps even matchless or incomparable to any other human experience and emotional reality. Perhaps this stillness is reserved and even preserved for those who will give it the time and space that it needs to take residence. It is for and only seen by the patient soul; the one who is willing to set aside all the cares of the world and experience this deep inner knowing of peace.

I remember hearing both children as I was growing up and young women as I grew into adulthood complain of loneliness. I never really understood what loneliness was or why it was so aberrantly avoided and even shunned by people who just did not have someone to talk to for a moment. I have had to see that the term loneliness is really preferring to be with others who are not available “leaving us only to ourselves” and I could never understand how that is such a bad thing. How could anyone be lonely if they had themselves to entertain and hold company with? I just don't understand why anyone would not prefer being alone to having to spend time with a boorish uneducated and unimaginative “friend”. Why would I want to be with others when my mind would entertain me with the history and imagination of the ages instead? Sir Edward Dyer wrote a poem called “My mind to me a kingdom is”; the most profound and most celebratory statement for the concept and practice of “aloneness” that I have ever found. I guess that is what being a writer and “dreamer of dreams” is all about. How could I ever get bored or lonely when I have so much going on inside me?

Loneliness and being alone are two separate ideologies. Loneliness must imply a wanting for a specific person; to be in their presence and to experience their being and feeling a deep yearning to be with someone who is not able to be with us for whatever reason. We feel “lonely” for them. We yearn to be with them and in being with them, perhaps we are finding a part of ourselves or even communing with ourselves in the only way that we have learned how up to this point in our lives. I would imagine that loneliness under this definition would bring about great sadness and longing for another. What bothers me most about this concept is that it totally obliterates the sufficiency of the self; the enjoyment of our own uniqueness and the unequivocal imagination of having a real relationship with our “selves”. It is almost “self-denial” in its greatest or lowest form. This is what truly saddens me. Being alone on the other hand may imply the desire to spend time alone; solitude and introspective moments of deep peace and soul searching. Being alone acknowledges the separateness that makes each and every one of us human and special. Being alone affirms me as an individual and as a unique and wonderfully creative and productive person who has many heartfelt wishes and desires and hopes for my life and those whom I love; why would I NOT want to be alone?

When I think of quietness I think of a very undisturbed night where the breeze is tranquil or nonexistent. The birds and crickets are even asleep. They are miraculously stilled and hushed as if a blanket has been spread and the earth is giving vigil to the night. The quietness can be deafening. It is an eerie emptiness that transcends and exceeds our imaginative process of being possible. The quietness almost hurts our ears in its loudness of its presence where some would say that the lack of presence is what causes the quietness; I contend that the quietness overtakes the confusion and noise. 

When I think of stillness I can see a very serene pond or body of water that clearly and gently reflects the sky and all that is around it almost mirror like mockery that is a surreal picture of what does not exist. A paradox. Stillness is the absence of movement. Stillness of a body of water can reflect and reveal so much around it. It makes me wonder if a “still spirit” can do the same thing. Can a person with a “still and quiet spirit” reflect the world off of themselves for others to see? Just as “still waters run deep”, can a “still spirit” be deep with empowering quietness? There is something about the stillness and quietness that demands our respect and attention. Even louder than a scream for help, the stillness of the wind or water commands total honor. We are “stilled” in our tracks and must stop what we are doing and thinking in order to pay obeisance to the quietness; the stillness and the power of control whether it is revealed to us outwardly in nature or less obviously, in the heart of man.

There is much to say about the illusive qualities of quietness and stillness of the soul; but one only has to stop and listen; honor and respect the deep paradoxical full void of the self in its richest and most wonderful expression of life.

When healing feels like mountain climbing

Acadia National Park, Maine, USA. 

No one EVER said that healing emotionally and intellectually after abuse was easy; certainly NOT me. I know that it feels like an uphill battle...it can be lonely and it can be scary. 

At times, maybe most of the time, our healing journey feels like climbing and even scaling a mountainside...we are always pushing ourselves to "go higher" with little to no understanding or expectation of what it will look like when we get to the top. 


I remember climbing hills and "being a mountain goat" among the rocky mountain sides near my home when I was young. I loved to hike and found a challenge in ever nook and crevice along the way. I was careful to make sure that my FOOTING was secure...this is a really important step (pardon the intentional pun) in our healing journeys as well.

There were times that I had to pause and rest along the way; it wasn't a sprint or a race. I PACED MYSELF.

The higher I climbed the better the view looked; I could SEE FARTHER when I was up higher. It also gave me greater motivation to continue.

As I looked BACK, I could see what I had left and I was NOT sorry for having traveled though it might have been treacherous at times.

I could feel that I HAD BECOME STRONGER already. I had climbed this high and experienced a "new perspective" on my world and I felt like I had really accomplished something.

When I reached the top; which it may feel like we never succeed in doing in our healing journeys, it is exhilarating. I know that I have had moments, experiences and feelings of great joy and pride in my own accomplishments along my healing path and that I could ENJOY THE TRIP more if I was not focused on the "end" result...in life, in my opinion, it is the journey that is what it is all about; not the mountain top.

Our life's journey is really all about "finding ourselves, healing from abuse and learning to dream again" and to accomplish each step in our own time and way...It will not be done in one day; it is a healing journey that sometimes feels like climbing a mountain...and that's okay. WE are worth it all!!!

Making room for your dreams

~Learning to dream again ~ 

It is a wonderful part of our healing journey and the last but not least part of our "finding ourselves, healing from abuse and learning to dream again" that we focus upon here at Singing a New Song (blog and Facebook).

It is not the last step but more of a goal. Once we can "learn to dream again" we will have "found ourselves and healed from abuse".

How DO we make room for our dreams??? 

Let's walk through the process of "learning to dream again" as if we are redecorating a room in our home or perhaps, better yet, a room in our parent's home that has collected many items that are "stored" among the furniture and living space. We have already dreamed of how we would like that room to look, until we walk into it and are overwhelmed by the emotions and memories found there. Our memories are represented by grandma's antique chair, the framed picture of dad in military attire or even a picture of ourselves in our mother's arms. There was so much living that happened here...how could we ever think of cleaning it out? We need to remind ourselves of our dream and how much we really want to see that room transformed.

Sometimes we need to see past all the stuff that has taken up the space where our dreams will come into existence. We have to dare to imagine that the room can look differently and then we have to find the desire to want it to look differently then we can begin to make decisions for many of the things that are in the way. This is deep emotional work. Many people have great emotional attachment to things and to give away, sell, or donate any possession can be traumatic and this is especially true for survivors of abuse who may have strong memories attached to these things. It would help us to start with a blank palette, as a painter does, in creating a place in our lives for our dream.

When we realize that we are willing and ready to let go of the past, we can patiently and carefully move aside all the stuff that are in our dream's way. This can be an arduous task but making it a labor of love to open up this room for your dream will make it all worthwhile. Try to see it as if you are decorating a baby's room for that expected little bundle of joy that will be arriving. We need to expect our dreams...welcome them and this is the way of giving them entrance into our lives by making room for them. As we toil, we may relive every moment, every tear and every joy that we shared there. We may even need to say "goodbye" to some of the things that we owned but we can take solace that finding them another home, another space, maybe even storing them while we decide where they will best belong.

We may need to prepare that space by doing some deep cleaning...soul searching. self-acceptance and even time of solitude throughout the process. Allowing ourselves to converse with our hearts and accept our dreams as reality is deep dream foundation work. We may need to do some serious deep cleaning to make room for our dreams. Like laying new carpet, we need to build our dreams upon a solid foundation. They deserve to have a fresh start.

Like welcoming a friend into your home for dinner, we are excited, prepared and happy to see them and looking forward to our time together. And when your dream is ready to "move it", we will have peace knowing that we have found other safe homes for our memories and our dream will move right in.

While your dreams are waiting for a place in our lives, let's open the windows and allow the sunshine to welcome them into their new home. Start seeing the room, "as it will be" once your dream moves in. Imagine the exhilarating freshness of the breeze through the open windows, the mirror on the wall reflecting the light upon a floral centerpiece holding all of your favorite blossoms, the crackling fire in the hearth, the softness of the carpet beneath your feet and the sound of a "new song" being played and you find yourself humming along.

Learning to dream again, isn't about fantasizing or imagining a life that is impossible. It is really about being mindful and aware of what your heart already feels, what it already knows, what it already sees. All you have to do is be open to hearing what your heart is saying to you. When you can "set aside all the stuff" that is taking your dream's space in your life, and imagine your dream THERE and that is when you will be learning to dream again...and I am sure that your dreams WILL come true!!!

When we grow the best

Journaling and documenting my healing journey has shown to be helpful and encouraging to others and I appreciate being able to share it with you through this blog and my Singing a New Song page on Facebook. I have been through abuse, denial, extreme emotional turmoil and painful memories and the "ascent" to a more healthy and happy life through "finding myself, healing from abuse and learning to dream again".



When we are in an abusive situation, we may not even know "which direction is up" very much like a seed that is planted...really, HOW DOES the seed KNOW which way to grow???

We feel that we are being "left in the dark" regarding our situation and we "struggle to reach the light"...only to eventually find that it is the "light within" us that will guide our way OUT of an abusive relationship.



I am so very thankful to have found much help on my healing journey from abuse from many wonderful online resources and books. For me, it has been the PERSONAL and very intimate confessions of another person who has been WHERE I HAVE BEEN that has helped me the most. It may be that way for you as well...

I know that SPEAKING OUT against abuse and making my VOICE be heard has been a great part of my healing journey; I hope that it is part of yours as well. It is NEVER too late to STOP BEING ABUSED. No matter how many years you have been married. No matter how many children or if you have not worked outside the home...ever. NO ONE deserves to be abused.

I encourage you to JOURNAL about your healing journey; you may choose to write, type or creatively use an "art journal" (decoupage, collage and other mixed media) to EXPRESS YOUR SELF and see the wonderful person who is waiting to be "set free" from abuse...

Please consider THIS COMMUNITY here at @SingingANewSong (here and on Facebook)  to be your refuge from abuse, your home where you are always welcomed and loved and a place that YOU matter...YOU ARE WORTH IT...or I would NOT be here...

Sending you  LUV~N~ PEACE~HEALING!!!! 
I am "Singing a New Song" and YOU can be too!!!

Allowing myself to dream a bit...more.

I love the internet. Through many healing resources, I have "worked through" abuse issues and pain and found many ways to learn to live after experiencing abuse. I have been active on many different "forums" from anything from verbal abuse to personality disorders to personality styles and my newest "finds", Pinterest and Experience Project which have opened up possibilities for me to "plan to dream more".

Pinterest is fascinating; it is the wonderful opportunity to make "virtual collections" that you can enjoy without paying a penny for them...I have collected the HOPE diamond and the Mona Lisa. More practically, I am learning how to choose clothing and accessories to make "outfit creations" that I really like. It's a lot of fun AS WELL as being educational for me.

Experience Project has helped me as a writer, organizer and "encourager" in many ways. I have developed and am coordinating an "experience group" called "I CAN lose weight and be healthy and happy" for myself and many others who have these life goals. My reason for sharing this is to share the a question that was posted on the "QUESTION and ANSWER" section today..."What would your DREAM CAREER be?" The original poster assumed that the persons reading the question WERE NOT CURRENTLY living their "dream career" so I was intrigued and posted my answer.
Here it is:

Having written my book (which has not yet been written, in progress), 

I would like to hold seminars which include singing my own songs 

with my own band all for women who are 

"finding themselves, healing from abuse and learning to dream again". 

I would LOVE to DO WHAT I LOVE 

(encourage others, share my victory stories and sing!!!)...

maybe someday. 

(actual answer)

To clarify my response; I am currently working on ONE book that does NOT have to do with "finding me or healing from abuse" but it has EVERYTHING TO DO WITH LEARNING TO DREAM AGAIN...If it takes "dreaming" to DO WHAT I LOVE...then I am a dreamer!!!

I guess I share this with you today to OPEN UP the possibilities in YOUR LIFE to dream again. To NOT put yourself down or put those "silly notions" away. DREAM...DREAM BIG...it does not hurt anything and only makes it MORE possible for your dream to COME TRUE...I hope that this BRINGS YOU HOPE to speak out against abuse, find yourself, heal from abuse and LEARN TO DREAM AGAIN...

YOU really ARE worth it!!!!

I am worth it!!!

I have finally realized that I have not taken as good care of my body as I SHOULD have been. I know that it is certainly NOT going to last forever but I CAN help my body function better, feel better and even LOOK better through good nutrition and healthy activity.

I started a weekly workout at a local church. They called it toning but I was working up a good sweat and found that stretching my unused muscles was NOT easy, fun or very pleasant. I started aching in my muscles less than 3 hours afterward and realized that the aches meant that I had NOT worked these muscles in a LONG time.



Taking care of ourselves may mean that "some pain" will be involved. And like healing from abuse, there is pain that is very likely to rise to the surface though we can take consolation that it is more like a "growing pain" than an opened wound. We don't have to be afraid of the pain; it only aches us for a short while but the realization of the CAUSE of the pain and the remedy to encourage our healing that comes from acknowledging our pain is SO valuable...we should learn to "embrace the pain" and just see it as I am seeing my muscle aches today...it is part of my body's way of adjusting to the increase in activity and use...and I AM WORTH IT!!!

We are stronger than we think...

Let's STOP and take a look at our lives for a moment. Wherever we find ourselves in whatever situations, I am sure that we would find that WE HAVE SURVIVED a lot emotionally, mentally and even physically. We have LIVE THROUGH horror. We have endured great sadness and deep sorrow of loss. Loss of dreams and hope. Loss of our selves and our future. 

BUT NOW, we can LOOK BACK and gain CONFIDENCE in our ability to survive...

Seriously, we can trust ourselves to KNOW that since we survived and come to a place in our lives where we are reaching out to be healed, that WE CAN INDEED face our healing, even if it feels a bit scary at first...We deserve to "find ourselves, heal from abuse and learn to dream again" . When we COME TO THIS PLACE in our lives, we need to doubt ourselves...

LOOK BACK OVER WHAT YOU HAVE SURVIVED...

Find YOUR SONG and sing it!!!

Singing a New Song: 

title of this blog and the passion of my life.

I have sung many "songs" in my life and feel that I have lived many"lives" through much distress and abuse. I have not known the great love and peace that many say exists but I sought after it anyways. I realized that my road of emotional, mental and spiritual healing started with "finding me"; establishing peace within myself so I could  "heal from abuse" and "learn to dream again". 

DENIAL...roadblock to healing from abuse

Healing from ABUSE is like treating a burn on your hand. We have been burnt (directly by the act of abuse) and the FIRST thing that we need to do is STOP the burning. 


As an example, when our hand gets too close to the hot flame of the stove, WE NEED to (instinctively) PULL OUR HAND away from the flame. We all might have experienced the real pain of a burn whether it was caused by fire, flame, coil, conduction or steam. It HURTS! It does not take much for us to FEEL it and suffer the aftermath of a burn.However, sometimes in abusive situations we may not recognize the pain to be as great and as damaging as it truly is. 

Identifying abuse

Identifying abuse is the FIRST step in healing from its damage. If we don't know that we are being abused, we don't look for the wonderful resources that will be able to assist us on our healing journey.


"Finding myself" was the main motivation for starting this blog; to help other women (and men) who have LOST THEMSELVES in abusive relationships "find themselves", heal from abuse and learn to dream again...like I had done.

If you are feeling that life is too hard, 

that loved ones are not acting loving toward you, 

if you feel lost or hopeless 

then you might be hurting from an abusive relationship. 

Please carefully read through the characteristics 

and review the "Abuse checklist" 

at the very bottom of the page...*

YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

Please feel free to comment on this blog; 

either on this post or contact me via email at newsong4him@hotmail.com. 

Put "singing" in the subject line. 

I would love to hear from you. 

*************************************************

Nothing is impossible

It seems ludicrous doesn't it? Imagine a butterfly which weighs a fraction of an ounce (maybe not a gram of weight) trying to pull a pound (or half a kilogram) weighted rock. Ridiculous. Yet, I will propose that NOTHING is impossible. OH, I am not saying that the butterfly CAN pull the rock by a string. I bet that this would certainly BE impossible; BUT it is NOT impossible for the butterfly to free herself. Letting go of the weight that is tying her down. She doesn't HAVE TO pull the rock with her. Like abuse, if we can let go of the weight of abuse, then we can learn to fly again.


If our butterfly could grow muscles from the pulling of the rock, we could imagine that she will have become stronger and then if she were presented with a similar but less weighty object the next time, then perhaps, just perhaps...who knows what might happen. She just might be able to pull that rock along...or better yet, snap the string that binds her to the abuse...set herself free and "find herself", "heal from abuse" and "learn to dream again".



When we find ourselves in an abusive situation; we can VALIDATE ourselves and EVALUATE the situation and then ask ourselves "are we the butterfly who will be set free?" or will we continue to allow the rock to hold us down?
We have a choice...WE ARE WORTH IT!!!

Finding our inner selves

The process of healing from abuse or tragedy has been described as a struggle for life, similar to the caterpillar's metamorphic emergence as a butterfly from a cocoon. For myself, I can relate to this "new life" as being a bit strange, unfamiliar and even scary. My focus had been on running away from abuse, denying the abuse and my self in order to live and grow through it. I had to "find me" before my healing began and that is while I was still living with and in the constant presence of abuse.

Once I was OUT of the abuse and begin to heal, I experienced the "shedding of the old skin" much like the picture represents. With each peel, I could feel old expectations and disappointments leave me. I sensed, as if for the first time, a cool breeze or breath of HOPE across my face. Fresh air and a renewed vision for my life. I learned that my new life had been INSIDE ME all along and could only come out when I truly felt that it would be safe for me to reveal myself...to myself.

The hump of healing; getting past DENIAL

Have you ever refused to admit that a situation was as really as bad as it seemed? Haven't you "made excuses" for others behavior that bordered abuse? In the midst of trying to understand and make allowances in order to "get along" with personality disordered person (may also be an abuser) I have been the one who has been accused of "side arm psychology". I chose to try to see the underlying reasons for abuse.

"I didn't understand that I didn't understand,
UNTIL I understood"

I have actually been meditating, thinking, analyzing and hoping to find our I made progress through the process of healing from abuse. The first thing that I realized was needed, ONCE I HAD THE EPIPHANY, was that I HAD BEEN IN DENIAL. It is my "I didn't understand that I didn't understand, UNTIL I understood". When we are DEEP in denial, a defense mechanism that is used to help us survive actually can turn into the weapon used against us in our healing from the abuse that initiated it. I DENIED that what I was experiencing could have been abuse. I was "not being abuse". I had a "difficult or needy partner" but I was "not being abused". I would "not allow others to be treat me that way". All of this self-talk was DENIAL. I would not admit to myself that I was married to an ABUSIVE MAN who called himself a christian. I was not married to a christian man with "abuse problems". I had told him time and time again to STOP and he totally denied the possibility of ever being abusive toward me; even unintentionally. He was also a liar and turned into a bigamist. I was not the only one he had lied to. I also was in denial and under the belief that I had "no right" to leave him that since I was a christian, nor could I leave the abuse.

Part 2: Healing from Emotional Abuse

As my Personal Note of Welcome to my blog says:

I realize that my writing is not for everyone; 

it is for the HURT and the HOPEFUL; 

for those who want to "find themselves" 

and learn to DREAM AGAIN! 

Here is Part Two of a three post series:

HEALING FROM ABUSE

I may not be formally educated and may never feel that I am qualified to give advice on HOW to heal from abuse. I have learned so much through the school of life that I feel more than qualified to share the progress that I have made on my healing journey from abuse.

I would like to add that I have learned that healing is a process; as with the proverbial peeling of an onion, each layer may cause tears but as we peel each layer away, we get closer to the "sweet spot" of the onion; a place where HEALING is.

Healing from abuse:

Learning to live after abuse

Stages of Healing

Starting over...again.

Practising good self care

Find your own voice and sing your heart song

The Power of NO

Out of the Abundance of the Heart 

Real life healing from abuse

New-Years Resolutions for abuse survivors

RePost: One of many effects of domestic abuse: Complex-PTSD

*** A VITAL RE post to bring awareness and help to those suffering damage from abuse***

The effects of abuse are vast and very obscure and even misunderstood as being symptoms of having endured disrespect and degradation by another person's words and behavior. Over a long period of time, it can manifest as Complex Post traumatic stress disorder.  This is not a gender specific disorder but one that can debilitate either a woman or a man and be symptoms of either childhood or adult abuse. I have personally endured and "tried to live with" so much more mental and verbal abuse that I would ever care to admit. At first, after leaving the abusive environment, I didn't think that I had been "mentally damaged" as much as "emotionally scarred"  by the inhuman verbal abuse and mind-bending mental drama of living with a personality disordered spouse. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD several years ago and underwent one year of therapy which helped me considerably.  

I believe now, that the extreme mental fatigue and confusion that I experienced actually minimized my ability to emotionally heal from the long term effects of abuse; leaving the symptoms of C-PTSD.





Please consider this a PSA (public service announcement). If you, yourself or a loved one has exhibited the following "symptoms", please consider practising some "good self care" and educate yourself on the effects of abuse; even behavior that you have not previously thought of as being abuse. Your mental and emotional health could depend upon it.

Taking GOOD care of myself

I really enjoy a good cup of tea in a china cup from a china tea pot; warmed in the traditional English style. I love the scent of blossoming lilacs. I love the color purple and the scent of these beautiful flowers. 


I can more easily enjoy the SIMPLE PLEASURES IN life; what we all need to take good care of ourselves. It may take some discipline or better yet a renewed focus ON ONESELF in order to get to the place where we can enjoy the "simple pleasures" again. I am definitely a woman who believes in the Simple Joys of life and I embrace them whenever they are available and even create opportunities to enjoy what I want to enjoy when I want to enjoy it. When we are in an abusive relationship or have contact with an abusive person who demeans, discounts or disrespects us they are very likely to say "You are SO selfish to just think of yourself"...this is an abuser's main way of saying "You are not paying enough attention to ME, you must worship ME and you must allow ME to control and abuse you". 


Today, I would love to invite you to join me in a cup of tea; 

Struggling through healing toward passion and creativity

It is called by many names, "dry period", "writer's block", "the blues" or the "doldrums", but anyway you label it, abuse and life's hard lessons have a way of sucking the creative energy out of us. I believe it is then that "need to refresh our passion" for life and whatever in life brings us joy. A "change of scene" or focus or paradigm shift may be the "jump start" that our creativity needs to thrive. Some say that we can "fake it til we make it" but I just have to believe in myself even when I feel lacking in hope and inspiration. I believe that merely acknowledging to ourselves that life has more purposelessness moments than not, is ENOUGH to throw us into the pit of despair and the dry well of mere existence. WE DO NOT need to accept mere existence as our "life"...we CAN hope and HAVE much more!

Our self esteem is so closely tied to our creative expression that any threat or damage due to abuse can totally disable our ability and even desire to express ourselves. We deserve to BE CREATIVE and enjoy life and everything that brings us joy; why have we allowed other's mistreatment and abuse toward us destroy or cripple the wonderful artistic beauty that we hold within us all? We did not consciously "allow" anyone to abuse us but due to many familiar influences and personality and mental processes, we "thought" that the treatment of a spouse, loved one or friend was "normal". We lived with abuse for SO LONG that we do not know what normal is any more. We are either in jeopardy of  losing our life's focus and sense of individuality and purpose or we may have already "lost ourselves".  I have found that one way to "find ourselves" is to search for the creative energy within us and encourage it to thrive IN SPITE of anyone else's opinion. We need to learn to VALIDATE ourselves because those in our lives, whom we have trusted with "ourselves" have failed to provide the validation, safety and nurture that all persons require and deserve.

When "the blues" hit you next time; see it as an OPPORTUNITY to invest in yourself. See it as a "red flag" or warning that there is a "breach in security" and that the wonderful person that you are and all you hold in your heart is in peril! EMBRACE the joy within you and RUN WITH IT...grab a hold of yourself and don't let go.