I am worth it!!!

I have finally realized that I have not taken as good care of my body as I SHOULD have been. I know that it is certainly NOT going to last forever but I CAN help my body function better, feel better and even LOOK better through good nutrition and healthy activity.

I started a weekly workout at a local church. They called it toning but I was working up a good sweat and found that stretching my unused muscles was NOT easy, fun or very pleasant. I started aching in my muscles less than 3 hours afterward and realized that the aches meant that I had NOT worked these muscles in a LONG time.



Taking care of ourselves may mean that "some pain" will be involved. And like healing from abuse, there is pain that is very likely to rise to the surface though we can take consolation that it is more like a "growing pain" than an opened wound. We don't have to be afraid of the pain; it only aches us for a short while but the realization of the CAUSE of the pain and the remedy to encourage our healing that comes from acknowledging our pain is SO valuable...we should learn to "embrace the pain" and just see it as I am seeing my muscle aches today...it is part of my body's way of adjusting to the increase in activity and use...and I AM WORTH IT!!!

Acceptance is not denial

I truly believe that we CAN 

make the best of what we have 

but we should NOT 

DENY WHAT IT IS NOT 

if "what it is NOT" 

is what we really want.  

I married my first christian husband after the horrid separation from my first love. I tried hard to see how our relationship "was" and I KNEW what "he was not". Even being "on the rebound" I did not try to compare him with my first love. I had already woefully knew that he was NOTHING like my first love. 

Upon the eve of our wedding, I "had a talk" to myself. I "spoke it aloud" in my mind that "I know he is a "good man", a friend, we have a lot in common, we both love music BUT I KNOW that he will NEVER be able to intellectually stimulate me as my first love had." With a sigh, I turned to his mother who had heard my sigh and asked her "WHY am I marrying your son?" and she replied "Because you LOOOOOOVE him". Even this comment brought questions to my mind. I had accepted him for what he WAS NOT but my heart STILL LOVED my first love for all that HE was and I could not have. 

In my second marriage to another "christian man", so I deeply belioeved that my happiness would require another christian marriage...Of course HOW could I be happy with an husband who did not believe as I did about God and the Universe? I was IN DENIAL that anyone who called themselves a christian could be abusive!!! I was SO WRONG in believing and trusting that just because I was "taught" to trust a christian, that a christian could NEVER abuse or disrespect me. My second husband did that and more. In many ways, he behaved as what most might expect a "heathen", Agnostic or Atheist to behave toward a woman...

I was NOT seeing "what was" 

but "what I wanted to see

and THAT 

is what perpetuated the abuse in my life.

I have shared my journey with you with the hope that it will ENCOURAGE you to more easily ACCEPT what you have allowed in your life; CALL ABUSE WHAT IT IS...ABUSE and "find yourself, heal from abuse and learn to dream again"...I DID and I really hope that you will also.

Sending LOVE and healing thoughts your way,

D

Trust in your OWN heart

Abuse can take many forms; one that I have found to be prevalent in religious communities as well as abusive relationships is the "tyranny of the shoulds" as other's expectations set limits upon OUR lives.

To "find ourselves, heal from abuse and learn to dream again" we NEED to find OUR VALUE and uplift ourselves and then the decisions that we make will be based upon OUR value and values rather than IN another person.

It is OUR life...

We have the right, power and CHOICE 

to make decisions that effect our lives positively. 

Let's not allow the "shoulds" and "should nots" of others limit our decision making and restrict our personal growth. Let's GET RID of the "shoulds", expectations and limits that others place upon our lives and learn how to HEAR OUR OWN HEARTS.



YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! 

Finding a rose among the thorns

PEACE. LOVE. JOY. HAPPINESS.

These are elusive butterflies when we are living through and trying to survive abuse. It is not our fault that we look at the rose and see only the thorns. Maybe we NEED to see the thorns. Maybe we should NOT deny that they exist and feel them daily. We realize that abuse mixes both pleasure with pain.

We feel are the pricks and pain of abuse. We doubt our own perceptions. We tell ourselves things like "why of course, it IS my fault for the way he gets angry at me, I will just try harder to BE better".  This is the deception of abuse. WE CANNOT MAKE AN ABUSER STOP ABUSING...but we CAN say "NO" to abuse that may end a relationship or marriage.