PEACE. LOVE. JOY. HAPPINESS.
These are elusive butterflies when we are living through and trying to survive abuse. It is not our fault that we look at the rose and see only the thorns. Maybe we NEED to see the thorns. Maybe we should NOT deny that they exist and feel them daily. We realize that abuse mixes both pleasure with pain.
These are elusive butterflies when we are living through and trying to survive abuse. It is not our fault that we look at the rose and see only the thorns. Maybe we NEED to see the thorns. Maybe we should NOT deny that they exist and feel them daily. We realize that abuse mixes both pleasure with pain.
We feel are the pricks and pain of abuse. We doubt our own perceptions. We tell ourselves things like "why of course, it IS my fault for the way he gets angry at me, I will just try harder to BE better". This is the deception of abuse. WE CANNOT MAKE AN ABUSER STOP ABUSING...but we CAN say "NO" to abuse that may end a relationship or marriage.
We have "good days" with the abuser we love or when we are away from our abuser and feeling that he/she may be acting kindly toward us. These days feel good but they are often very confusing. When we look at our marriage or abuser as being "sweet" then we might blame ourselves and think that it must be all our fault that the relationship has grown "thorny" over the years. Our abuser may USE our "good nature" or "positive outlook" or even our "faith" to try to try to convince us to believe that we HAVE a rose that has no thorns but the ones that we offer to the relationship. They accuse us of failing them and define us as delusional; thinking that the abuse that we are feeling is all in our mind and the ARE NO thorns. Emotional and mental abuse is more covert or discreet but as with "gaslighting" (see the book, The Gaslight Effect" by Dr. R.Stern) it is VERY insidious and damaging to the mind, heart and soul of the abuse survivor.
If saying NO doesn't stop the abuse, there is very little hope that you will smell the sweet scent of love in your relationship again. You will "get used to" the pricks and find it to be a wonderful day when he doesn't behave SO abusively. You will learn to "not be yourself" and your SELF may get lost in the attempt to "make peace" in any way that you feel you can. You will "settle" for having a relationship like this because there seems to be NO WAY OUT of it. We still have to BE HONEST WITH OURSELVES...we learn and accept that our once beautiful "rose" is a long thorny stem with only a memory of love.
You deserve love and NOT abuse. How we see things and what we think can prolong or encourage an abusive relationship. Saying "NO" to abuse is taking a stand that many abusers will fight against. But more than saying it aloud to an abuser, we need to say "NO" to abuse to ourselves. We need to come to the place in our hearts and minds where we recognize it as abuse and realize that NO ONE deserves to be abused. You are NOT alone. Domestic Violence shelters support women (and men) in their attempt to live abuse free lives when needing to physically separate in order to help you see just how abusive a living situation has become.
You deserve a rose that may have a few thorns. NO ONE deserves to have to live with a thorn bush that may have a rose now and then.
Say "NO" to abuse.
YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!
