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| We deserve MORE in life than just "holding on". |
I have often wondered, as an abuse survivor and person who is "finding herself, healing from abuse and learning to dream again", if I spend MORE energy "just holding onto me" than actually living my life. Do I spend more time in connecting with my thoughts and my self out of fear of losing them again?
I am thankful for the introspective times that I can more easily focus on what is going on inside of myself when it seems like much going on outside is shaky and uncertain. I love knowing that I can turn inward for stability and do not require that which may "not be able" to be stable, to be stable for me. This is a "secret" of surviving abuse. Not expecting or requiring anyone to "be" any certain way for us. Like unreciprocated love, we "love" but if we expect someone who does not love themselves, to love us, then our expectation will bring us times of sadness, loss and sorrow.
A big part of "holding onto myself" has always been positive self-talk or affirmations. For me, it has always been more "clarifying" and "stating the truth" to myself more than trying to guide my thoughts as a diversion or to "more positive" thoughts. Some things that we experience in live, no matter how unpleasant, need to be seen in truth and not "covered over" with a positive thought or spin.
Is it healthy to "hold onto yourself"? I think so. I think that it may be part of our "finding ourselves" or "healing from abuse" parts of our healing journey. Once we make it through those healing phases and move into "learning to dream again", I have found that I "needed to hold onto me" less and less because I was NOT disconnected from myself and had coped with the abusive techniques by abusers to TRY to "get me away from myself". Once we get through "just surviving" mode, we have learned healthy coping mechanisms and clean boundaries so that we can NOW focus on more creative endeavors and ambitions. As a singer/songwriter, it has surprised me that at times of great stress, I was actually MORE active in my song writing. Many times, I had found that I had less energy to be creative and holding onto myself took much of my creative energy so I could "just survive".
Do we "hold onto ourselves" because of fear of "losing ourselves again"? Maybe. But since we had felt the "loss" of ourselves and the pain and damage of abuse, who would want to live through that again? When we come to realize that we are "holding onto ourselves" we are finally realizing our worth and value. We know that we are permitted and have every right to protect and "grow" ourselves.
Wherever we are "in the process", let's remember that it is OUR LIFE and that whatever we need to learn, where ever we "are" on our healing journey, we owe it to ourselves to be patient and compassionate with ourselves. ♥
We really are worth it!!! ♥
(See more encouraging messages and thoughts on
Facebook at ♪ Singing a New Song ♪ )
A big part of "holding onto myself" has always been positive self-talk or affirmations. For me, it has always been more "clarifying" and "stating the truth" to myself more than trying to guide my thoughts as a diversion or to "more positive" thoughts. Some things that we experience in live, no matter how unpleasant, need to be seen in truth and not "covered over" with a positive thought or spin.
Is it healthy to "hold onto yourself"? I think so. I think that it may be part of our "finding ourselves" or "healing from abuse" parts of our healing journey. Once we make it through those healing phases and move into "learning to dream again", I have found that I "needed to hold onto me" less and less because I was NOT disconnected from myself and had coped with the abusive techniques by abusers to TRY to "get me away from myself". Once we get through "just surviving" mode, we have learned healthy coping mechanisms and clean boundaries so that we can NOW focus on more creative endeavors and ambitions. As a singer/songwriter, it has surprised me that at times of great stress, I was actually MORE active in my song writing. Many times, I had found that I had less energy to be creative and holding onto myself took much of my creative energy so I could "just survive".
Do we "hold onto ourselves" because of fear of "losing ourselves again"? Maybe. But since we had felt the "loss" of ourselves and the pain and damage of abuse, who would want to live through that again? When we come to realize that we are "holding onto ourselves" we are finally realizing our worth and value. We know that we are permitted and have every right to protect and "grow" ourselves.
Wherever we are "in the process", let's remember that it is OUR LIFE and that whatever we need to learn, where ever we "are" on our healing journey, we owe it to ourselves to be patient and compassionate with ourselves. ♥
We really are worth it!!! ♥
(See more encouraging messages and thoughts on
Facebook at ♪ Singing a New Song ♪ )
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