Trust yourself, then you will know how to live. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ~

Our inability to trust others 

is not the worst thing that can happen. 

Even when we have no one else whom we can trust, 

we CAN trust ourselves.

Have you heard someone say to you in an accusatory tone "You don't trust me"...and when we stop and think about this, they may be telling the truth and there may be good reason for it. Just because we love someone does NOT mean that they are worthy of our trust as well. In abusive situations, we find that the inability to reasonably trust a "loved one" because of their abusive behavior is often turned on ourselves. We are "accused" of not trusting them while we second guess who we are and doubt our own feelings and perceptions rather than to just accept that the relationship with that "special someone" is so painful.

Even before we begin to "find ourselves, heal from abuse and learn to dream again", we hear "you need to trust yourself" over and over again. Being that we had trusted a person who had seemingly abused us, we may feel that our choice of trusting others also includes our own ability to trust ourselves. THIS is one of they greatest abuses inflicted upon an abuse victim and abuse survivor. We don't even KNOW that we are able to trust our own thoughts and feelings because they were "taken over" and controlled so long ago by one who "gaslighted" or disrespected, demeaned or discounted us time and time again. 

It seems that this lack of understanding of TRUST 

and how it has been used to control us is 

one of the FIRST stepping stones 

to begin our healing journey.

I remember when I was a student in high school, I was a young woman; confident and with talent and skill to do many things but my parents and teachers for the most part, did not encourage me to do many of the things that I accomplished well "on my own". I had to be my own cheerleader. I had a few friends, especially Shelley, who was more of a visionary like myself. She wasn't afraid of "going against the flow" of what was "expected or acceptable" when it came to personal growth and becoming a valuable, intelligent and resourceful person. I had to trust myself and that could have been very difficult hard when parents and other adults seemed to only criticize my decisions, even after some accomplishments. A teacher/teacher supervisor of a student group called me at home after school had ended for the year to "chew me out" for being so boldly outspoken, helpful and giving directions to others to make a sweetheart dance the best one that this "special group" had ever offered to the school. So I started out NOT trusting the opinions of others who did not support me, so where did I go wrong??? 

Somewhere along the line, I had believed the LIE. The lie being "you must trust those whom you love". I have learned that the KEY to "finding ourselves, healing from abuse and learning to dream again" is learning when and whom we can trust. We needn't be in a hurry or feel forced to trust others. They must prove to us their trustworthiness. The good news in all of this is, we can always trust ourselves...even though we may be wrong, we can forgive ourselves and build confidence that at least "we are are on our own side" even if we feel that no one else may be.

So do we need to trust more or trust more wisely??? I know that you can answer that question for yourself.