I have kept SO much inside me; hidden away from the world and myself for the most part for SO many years that I thought that I might feel overwhelmed at first when it would start "pouring out of me". The funny thing is that I don't feel overwhelmed but I feel that I am reliving parts of my past, the best parts of my life in ways, again, and it feels good.It is a joy to be writing about a man whom I have loved for so long. It is invigorating to think of "how young" we were and the life and love that we shared. It is empowering and affirming to be with him again. It is to "truly live" to be with him in reality after so many years of the "dark ages" where only my dreams beheld his face, my arms encircled him and my lips kissed his. This story will also illumine the years that he also dreamt of me and how he gave up on having me in his life as well, until death brought us back together.
I am really trying to get my bearings on the organization of this book :
"Back to OUR Future" a true 1980's love story rekindled 25 years later". I am in the process of outlining a ROUGH draft but where does one really start to write about the last 30 yrs of their "not yet 50" year life? I was just a teenager and G, 2 yrs, 3 months and 13 days YOUNGER than me, was only 16 when we met and fell in love. Yes, I realized shortly afterword that this set of "first loves" included an adult and a minor...WHO could have guessed. Over 6 feet tall, weighing about 180 lbs or more with LOTS of muscle, deep baritone voice, dark, course facial hair and his "savoir faire" manner in how he instinctively appeared more mature and FAR older than his near 17 years should have legally allowed. I smile when I think about how young we were. We were just kids. We fell in love for the first time, with each other. We feel in love for the ONLY time with each other even though both of us lived through marriages to two other spouses and now, we have fallen in love again for the last time at our reunion. We have come "full circle" and all is right with the world again.
Showing posts with label reunion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reunion. Show all posts
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Forging a new path for my life
I am a writer. Not a writer "wanna be" but a writer of an awesome TRUE story. I am currently writing our love story, a "Back to OUR Future" love story of the 80's rekindled and reunited in 2011. Do you remember the "Back to the Future" movie? Well, it was made a little more personal for me when I met and fell in love with my G. He and his family had a few of these cars I had the opportunity to ride in several of them. It was "funny" to see them on a screen in a movie about "going BACK to the future"...little did I know that BACK to the future is exactly what we would be doing almost 30 years in the future of that time.
My life started out in college with falling in love with G. We were known as "G. and D." everywhere we went. We went to classes together until he transferred to another college which offered his educational preference of Veterinary medicine. He was always so insightful and sensitive and caring to animals, as well as people and stated that he "preferred animals over people" for the most part. We were still nearly inseparable with talking on the "land phone" (prior to "cells" and internet) and I would take the Greyhound to see him on weekends. Our lives had changed. Our paths had diverged and we were missing each other. Life seemed to "get in the way" and family and obligations seemed to "squelch out" time that we wanted to spend together. I was very close to graduating from college with my degree and was ready to "stop going to college" and enter the "real world" when tragedy occurred. We broke up. The dreams for a life together seemed to die. We went on different paths; each trying to convince ourselves that we could and would live without each other. "Life is suppose to suck anyways", G had said. Two marriages and divorces for each of us; no children for him; one child and one stillbirth for me and over 25 years later, I went off the path that my life had taken and wanted to merge paths with my Love.
I was working in healthcare since college and sitting at my desk one day; after over a year separation and several month decision to divorce my then current husband and call an attorney for counsel when we had a tragedy occur. A coworkeer died suddenly. Carol was a fun loving person, had a great family and everyone liked her. She enjoyed her work and I had just talked to her one day and find out that it was the last time that I saw her alive. She had died over the weekend and they were preparing for her funeral. Tragedy. It turned my mind to the loss that I had experienced in my life and G. I missed him so much. How have I "lived" over 25 years without him and would I be willing to live the rest of my life without him without even trying to reach him. My answer was a resounding NO. I could "see the trees for the forest" of tragedy in my life; beginning with G's and my tragedy of a lost love. It think of Robert Frost's poem, "The road not taken".
The Road not taken by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
In verse three; we see our poet "had kept the first for another day" and "doubted" if he "should ever come back" to this path. This is how I felt with G and my relationship. It haunted me yet I felt that our love was not dead but longingly sought me until I would "come back to the path".
In the last verse, "I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference" is the path that I am now forging. A new path. Not the same path that we were on together in ways and yet in some ways, it is the same path as then; only a different place in the woods.
To be able to see the "forest for the trees" was what needed to be done to see the love lost as being "the road not taken" as one that I had to return to. I needed for forge a new path for my life and a familiar old one, 25 years old or more, has "made all the difference".
My life started out in college with falling in love with G. We were known as "G. and D." everywhere we went. We went to classes together until he transferred to another college which offered his educational preference of Veterinary medicine. He was always so insightful and sensitive and caring to animals, as well as people and stated that he "preferred animals over people" for the most part. We were still nearly inseparable with talking on the "land phone" (prior to "cells" and internet) and I would take the Greyhound to see him on weekends. Our lives had changed. Our paths had diverged and we were missing each other. Life seemed to "get in the way" and family and obligations seemed to "squelch out" time that we wanted to spend together. I was very close to graduating from college with my degree and was ready to "stop going to college" and enter the "real world" when tragedy occurred. We broke up. The dreams for a life together seemed to die. We went on different paths; each trying to convince ourselves that we could and would live without each other. "Life is suppose to suck anyways", G had said. Two marriages and divorces for each of us; no children for him; one child and one stillbirth for me and over 25 years later, I went off the path that my life had taken and wanted to merge paths with my Love.
I was working in healthcare since college and sitting at my desk one day; after over a year separation and several month decision to divorce my then current husband and call an attorney for counsel when we had a tragedy occur. A coworkeer died suddenly. Carol was a fun loving person, had a great family and everyone liked her. She enjoyed her work and I had just talked to her one day and find out that it was the last time that I saw her alive. She had died over the weekend and they were preparing for her funeral. Tragedy. It turned my mind to the loss that I had experienced in my life and G. I missed him so much. How have I "lived" over 25 years without him and would I be willing to live the rest of my life without him without even trying to reach him. My answer was a resounding NO. I could "see the trees for the forest" of tragedy in my life; beginning with G's and my tragedy of a lost love. It think of Robert Frost's poem, "The road not taken".
The Road not taken by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
In verse three; we see our poet "had kept the first for another day" and "doubted" if he "should ever come back" to this path. This is how I felt with G and my relationship. It haunted me yet I felt that our love was not dead but longingly sought me until I would "come back to the path".
In the last verse, "I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference" is the path that I am now forging. A new path. Not the same path that we were on together in ways and yet in some ways, it is the same path as then; only a different place in the woods.
To be able to see the "forest for the trees" was what needed to be done to see the love lost as being "the road not taken" as one that I had to return to. I needed for forge a new path for my life and a familiar old one, 25 years old or more, has "made all the difference".
Saturday, June 18, 2011
With GOD ALL things are possible!
I call myself "newsong" because ever since I became a believer in Christ Jesus; June 28,1985, I have been "singing a new song".
I have made a FULL CIRCLE of my life in the past 30 years. I started college and fell in love with G; my love of over 4 years and we broke up and both married two others before reuniting this past February. We saw each other for the first time in almost 26 years on Feb. 15th; the day after Valentine's Day when he sent a dozen red roses to my workplace. My Love. We have made it a "full circle" to come back together. Something that neither of us ever thought would be possible. But I had been praying for years that he and I would both be "single" and able to "get back together" during the "Dark Ages" while the years between us passed. We realize that we were both single and available from Oct. 1996- Jan. 1999. A short span but both of us were legally single yet we did not look for one another then. We had resigned to the fact that "life was suppose to suck" and after one failed marriage each; while still pining for each other, we "fell into" abusive relationships that really made us "long for each other" even more.
When I said that I was "praying for the day" that both G and I would be single; I wasn't kidding. I looked online in Jan. 2011 and found that he was NOT married. His mother had passed and it appeared to be a recent passing (it was actually 2007; a month after I delivered my still birth son at 5 months gestation) so I had it confirmed that HE was single since no wife's name was next to his on her obituary notice. I JUMPED for JOY; not at his "being single and alone" but more for his "being single again and available". I had ONLY wanted him to be happy and if not with me, with another very lucky woman. He had two and neither of them were what and WHO he really wanted. They were both jealous of me just as my two husbands knew of and were jealous of G's place in my heart and life.
I was separated from my second husband at this time and realized months before that it was time to contact a lawyer for divorce proceeding. We had a terrible tragedy happen that an employee that I worked with had died suddenly near this time and it spurned me to contact G even more; through my hot tears I swore to myself that death would NOT separate us and that I would contact him and see him again...soon.
I have made a FULL CIRCLE of my life in the past 30 years. I started college and fell in love with G; my love of over 4 years and we broke up and both married two others before reuniting this past February. We saw each other for the first time in almost 26 years on Feb. 15th; the day after Valentine's Day when he sent a dozen red roses to my workplace. My Love. We have made it a "full circle" to come back together. Something that neither of us ever thought would be possible. But I had been praying for years that he and I would both be "single" and able to "get back together" during the "Dark Ages" while the years between us passed. We realize that we were both single and available from Oct. 1996- Jan. 1999. A short span but both of us were legally single yet we did not look for one another then. We had resigned to the fact that "life was suppose to suck" and after one failed marriage each; while still pining for each other, we "fell into" abusive relationships that really made us "long for each other" even more.
When I said that I was "praying for the day" that both G and I would be single; I wasn't kidding. I looked online in Jan. 2011 and found that he was NOT married. His mother had passed and it appeared to be a recent passing (it was actually 2007; a month after I delivered my still birth son at 5 months gestation) so I had it confirmed that HE was single since no wife's name was next to his on her obituary notice. I JUMPED for JOY; not at his "being single and alone" but more for his "being single again and available". I had ONLY wanted him to be happy and if not with me, with another very lucky woman. He had two and neither of them were what and WHO he really wanted. They were both jealous of me just as my two husbands knew of and were jealous of G's place in my heart and life.
I was separated from my second husband at this time and realized months before that it was time to contact a lawyer for divorce proceeding. We had a terrible tragedy happen that an employee that I worked with had died suddenly near this time and it spurned me to contact G even more; through my hot tears I swore to myself that death would NOT separate us and that I would contact him and see him again...soon.
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