Musings on solitude

Solitude

I have always like solitude. To be alone with my thoughts, for me, has never the horrible thing that others seemed to make of it. I have actually chosen to be alone at times; something that has even boggled the mind of many people who have believed that they have known me well enough in my very outwardly social ways to think that I do not desire or need solitude. They could not be more wrong in believing this. They may think that solitude is reserved for those who are forced into spending time alone due to rejection and thus creating deep feelings of despair and loneliness. I make choices not based upon feelings of loneliness or even sad rejection by others but have always chosen to spend time by myself because I like myself. I guess that is what it really boils down to, liking oneself. If I like myself then it would make sense that I would want to spend time alone, with myself.

Maybe, if we could even consider the possibility and reality of this, that loneliness for others is really a manifestation of the fear of being alone and discovering oneself; the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly parts of who every person is comprised of. They say the “whole is greater than the sum of the parts its made of” and in a conceptual way, we are greater than the parts of us that may characterize our whole being. The parts are just parts until they are put together in a miraculous way of making us who we are. Maybe we could consider that to accept someone's rejection of us and hold it valid would truly only be the acceptance of someone's possible flawed view of who we are and who I really am. This would bring deep feelings of sadness and possible self-loathing, maybe something that would not inspire me to spend more time with myself. I have the sole right to either accept or reject myself or parts of myself. If I delve into denial, I can totally “remake” myself rather than respect the wonderfully unique person whom I am; in spite of my weaknesses. Primarily and most importantly, I decide whether or not I like to be alone. I believe that the most important thing that anyone can do for their self is to not reject or judge their selves but to extend a hand of friendship toward their own image. I like me. I figure that if I don't like me and don't want to be with me then “who else” might want my company? Who else might be MORE fascinating and intriguing and even more interesting and kind to my self, than myself? 

Having compassion with myself; dealing with my frailties with “kid gloves” and allowing myself to be seen as “mere human” in an extraordinary way of course, is the necessary humility needed for good writing. If not for the solitude, we could not hear our voice; think of the stories and write down the words that bring them to life. again. I need to hear my “voice” and allow my self to be expressed in words on paper or the computer screen. My time of reflection is the back how loader and earth mover of my thoughts and feelings. I can excavate my past and bring it into the light of the present; look at it and evaluate how I feel about the many things that happened to me and even those things that I caused that became part of who I am today. Digging in my past and accepting who I was is part of who I am.

If I do not “know myself” then how can I know anything or anyone else. I am the one that I have spent the most time with all of my life. If I do not know me, I know nothing. Descartes said “I think, therefore I am”. I would like rephrase that sentiment with “I know me, therefore I am”. I feel my existence and my uniqueness when I write. I like many things about me that I would like to share with the world. I would like to encourage and help others feel the reality of this life in the way that I sense it at times. I like many things about me and rather than constantly judge and criticize myself as others have done, I accept me in ways that I have accepted others. I like the way that I am curious about who I am; not only about the world around me. I like and appreciate my sensitivity to others as I use the same compassion that I have nurtured in and for myself with dealing with their fears and failures in life. I really like parts of myself that I don't intentionally share with the world. I feel that I have “kept part of me” for me and I believe this is a really very healthy thing to do.

I like solitude because I like me. I can appreciate and explore the uniqueness of my being while not revealing anything to anyone else of my discoveries. Sometimes I feel that I am an archaeological “dig” and my past is being uncovered and revealed to me. The most important parts of me are on display for me to accept and learn to love. Really, writing is all about being able and willing and even desiring to tear away the mask that the world sees, reveal in the uniqueness of who we are and then boldly proclaiming to ourselves first, then to the world, the person that we have discovered in our times of solitude. I laugh at myself in a joyous and celebratory way even though no one else is around. I can relax and “be me” and not worry about others judging who I am in terms of their standards. My standards for me are SO much higher and my hopes and aspirations and dreams are only shared with those who I trust the most. Me.

What's in your heart???

Why do we fear to look within? 
Don't we know that what is "within" is the true "us"? And why do we avoid the truth about who we are when that is what is needed to be healed and made whole???

LOOK into your heart today...don't be afraid. 



I suppose that we might think that it might be easier for an introspective, intuitive personality to be "inward looking" but what about the EXTRAVERTS...like myself? We have NO excuse...I know that we can "look within" as long as we are WILLING to accept and embrace what we see without judgement. 

The only justice is to follow the sincere intuition of the soul, angry or gentle.

Anger is just, and pity is just, but judgement is never just.

~ D. H. Lawrence ~

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I love when things are transparent, free and clear 

of all inhibition and judgement.

~ Pharrell Williams ~ (of "Happy" fame)

I have looked within my heart all my life. I have always known that the only way to live a life and "find myself, be healed from abuse and learn to dream again", starts with ME accepting myself without judgement. With gentle openness and acceptance. And as soon as we accept and love ourselves, the sooner we allow ourselves to accept and love others.

I have often said that I am am writer but I admit, that I am much more a thinker and philosopher, counselor and friend and helper to many, including myself than the writer that I have hoped to become. I accept this in myself. If I want to become more of a writer; I must WILL myself to BE more of a writer. Happiness, peace and wholesome living is just like that...we create it. And we must start with ourselves...

START WITHIN  TODAY...visit us at Singing a New Song  on Facebook...a place where you can begin to "find yourself, heal from abuse and learn to dream again".

YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

In Between

It is in between Summer and Autumn here in the Northeast United States. It is a time of cooling winds and less scorching days. It is a time of quieter neighborhoods as children have returned to school. It is a time that mother's meander in the shopping malls and grocery stores without the pulling and tugging of little ones of school age or the older whining of the young adult “tweeners” as they get in their daily complaint of why their electronic device is outdated and needs to be replaced. It is in between the heat and the cooling of the Earth. The change of the seasons is upon us and we are waiting, anticipating the various colors and hues that make Autumn the most beautiful season any where in the world.

We are in between the past and the future. In this past month, we commemorated the terrorist attack that ravaged our homeland twelve years ago. We want to leave the past in the past but have to remember so it doesn't happen again. If we forget the past; we are doomed to repeat it. The past is not far enough in the past for me. Ten years is not long enough to wipe the horrific scenes from my mind and heart that were seared into them on that day and the many days to follow.

We are in between peace and war. Every day, we are reminded that we do not live in a peaceful world. We look back upon our childhoods and think that we had National peace at that time. The Cold War in Russia; the Korean War or police action in Vietnam. These were not our wars but we were involved in them to keep the peace here in the United States. We feigned peace in our lives when the brink of war loomed over our heads. We tried to hide our heads in the sand and turn our eyes away from the truth that there is NO peace anywhere; lack of war is NOT peace.

We are in between truth and untruth. We claim to know the truth; that the truth will set us free but we more live in the lie that we have the truth than have the truth that obliterates lies altogether. The truth is claimed to be absolute by those who will hold onto it and defend their behavior and justify their abuse with their truth. The truth; the real truth, does not justify dark deeds but brings all deeds into the light to determine if they be of the truth or not. We live in an age of deception. The truth is a lie. As in the book by George Orwell, 1984, we use “newspeak” and are convicted of “thought crimes”. The line of truth and untruth is fading and eroding and we try to cling onto the truth for truth's sake and even for our own sake. Our sanity requires an hold onto the truth as we see it.

We are in between life and death. Some would say that as long as we are alive; we live. I disagree. I believe I know many people who have lived and only existed rather than truly lived a life. I would say that they might even have clung onto death; death of dreams, death of hope and death of all that they ever desired or longed for and only lived in this life in a partial way. They lived while they died instead of living UNTIL they died. Life is precious. To not live our lives, is to accept death before its time in our lives. My parents, bless their hearts, in my opinion, did not fully live out their lives and enjoy them as I would have hoped for them or myself. Oh, they reproduced themselves; three times. My brother, myself and my sister and several grandchildren; were my parents' accomplishments in their lives. They worked, they loved and some would say that they lived. I say that they hung onto life but did not swing with it. They did not let the breeze take them to new realms or fly over mountainous lands and deep seas. Their imaginations had no room to play but in the backyard where we played wiffle ball and yard jarts and was tolerated with our childish banter and joyfulness. They sat inside; reading the news on the printed page and writing bills and preparing meals. There seemed to be little joy in their lives. Some would say that they were raising a family but I believe that they were in between life and death and didn't know that by clinging to death and the expected end even in their desperate denial of their own mortality, they were denying the life source and force that could have changed their morbid existence into real living.

We are in between our heads and our hearts. We still have the hope and personal opportunity to take these in between times and make the most of them. We don't have to believe what we have always believed because someone else said so or passed a law that it should be done that way. We have more than our minds to guide our paths. We have hearts that must be engaged in this life if it is to be fully lived. Our heads only get in the way and leave us in the summer, the past, the fake peace, the truth that we do not see or the life that we can only hope to live. Our hearts are the connections between what is seen and what is unseen. To believe with the mind is to accept what others perceive without personal conviction. To believe with the heart, bridges the in between parts of our lives and fills it with meaningful, loving and life giving hope to step out of what we are in and move to where we ought to be.

Are you "in-between"??? At times, we all are.