Putting ourselves FIRST for a change

Life has "happened" again and I have recently lost time here at Singing A New Song. It really is so nice to see you and I am sorry that I have been away. I have been spending quite a bit of time in reading, study and DEEP introspection as well as my continued studies in order to share more about "finding ourselves, healing from abuse and learning to dream again". 

At one time in my life, and for a very long time, I couldn't think of standing and looking at myself in the mirror to say "I love you and from now on I'm going to act like it". It just didn't seem REAL to me to think so positively of myself and practice what seemed to be a futile act...I don't think that way anymore.

I quickly realized 

that HOW I SAW MYSELF 

determined 

HOW MUCH HEALING 

that I could expect. 

I truly believe that I had to come to the place that I could ADMIT to myself that I AM WORTH IT and then I had to commit to CARE for myself with that truth and perspective in my mind and heart. Of course, sometimes, we see ourselves with the same perspective as we do a person who is disrespectful and abusive to us. When we do that, we have allowed them to DEFINE who we are and how we behave toward them. Sometimes we believe this to be true and live in denial that we are being abused. Our sense of self; the knowledge of who we really are will never TRULY be attained by trusting others to tell you WHO YOU ARE. We all need to "find ourselves" and when we look into the mirror and tell ourselves an accepting and affirming comment like "I love you and from now on I am going to act like it", we will be more securely on our path of healing from abuse.

Sometimes we find that we have NO ONE in our lives to affirm or validate us. We MUST do that for ourselves and then as we heal and grow and dream again, we can go on to affirm and validate the truths in others' lives. As we grow, so do our relationships and the likelihood that we will choose MORE HEALTHY friends who will walk with us on our healing path.

For many years, I had felt very alone in the abuse that I had endured by the hands of men. Without being more specific, I had to deal with this pain, confusion and damaged to my self-image...virtually alone. I could not and would not talk to others about it. When I finally started "speaking out", I was shunned by friends who did not know how to affirm or validate my truth. They felt my anger and pain and ran away from it and me. I reached out to other women, like myself, who were trying to understand the "whys" of abuse and the "hows" of healing. Through online authors like Patricia Evans and her books and forum (VerbalAbuse.com) and Christian Survivors.com (the two main forums), I started to SEE myself as being worthy of the hard work, speaking out and "being rebellious" toward my abusers while feeling that I was "allowed to be respected" by myself and others. I was validating my own experience and affirming my own self worth with the help of those who had "walked the path before me"...

We need to come to the point of finally saying "I am putting myself FIRST...for a change. I am ready for a change and I am willing to change and grow in order to "find myself, heal from abuse and learn to dream again...and I am worth it"...