Setting Boundaries: REAL LIFE STORY

What do you do to STOP abuse???

The truth is: we cannot really STOP abuse, BUT WE CAN 

STOP OURSELVES 

FROM BEING ABUSED...

This is MY JOURNEY of setting BOUNDARIES with an ABUSER*. The only problem with boundaries, not experienced by us but by our abusers, is they, like us, are not respected. Abusers cannot TAKE "NO" for answer"...

Watch the progression of BOUNDARIES that one very incessantly controlling man, father and ex husband has abused and NO LONGER HAS PRIVILEGE of using:

IN PERSON:
We moved out of Ohio and closer to our family in NC...
does this tell you anything???

PHONE:
I have had a personal experience of an abusive ex husband whom I must have "some" contact because we have a child together. I have custody of same child and was told "F YOU" over a speaker phone in my son's hearing (he was VERY upset with his dad for being so belligerent; and all because I had mentioned that HE HAD FAILED to tell me about a visitation with another family member and told my son NOT to tell me)
SO...I set a boundary: the PHONE would no longer be abused (and neither would I) and I would no longer "talk with him" (or listen to him since he does NOT hear me at all, ever...I think there is some mental illness but don't know for sure, he may just be a controlling abuser) ...
EMAIL was his mode to "talk sensibly" and "reason with me" and provide a "workable solution" regarding visitation travel...(read on)

EMAIL:
From 2002-2009, I received seven years of "poison pen" letters at my work email. Mainly spiritual abuse; "showing me" how I was supposedly not being a "godly woman" in saying "no" to essentially, his abuse of me...He said that "Jesus would speak that way to me"...(really????) He was told to STOP sending lengthy, abusive emails and he continued to do so. He would not accept my "NO"...so I blocked him (I was married and living with him at the time) and would not receive any more until 2009 when we separated and I wanted to have email contact with my son while at his father's house for visitation. Twists and turns of spinning his web of lies and cover up for HIS failure to agree to and keep a visitation drop off was clearly abusive. Mind boggling. Not workable at all. I told him that he has "lost the privilege" of using email system and that I would not respond, receive or reply to any of his emails.
SO...I set a boundary: Email would no longer be abused and
TEXTING would be his ONLY electronic media to communicate with me...
The Court would not permit this behavior and I do NOT have to endure it.

TEXT MESSAGING:
The last vestige of electronic media that he had not yet abused, to be used ONLY to provide communication of constructive and productive information, reasonable and respectful conversation, and a "workable solution" to the visitation problem (He rejected my offer of drop off of our son to him on Saturday, he "could not do it" and demanded that I bring him on Sunday, I was bearing the burden, nearly 3/4 of the total travel .
I was thinking that it would be less likely to be abused due to that it might be:
1) less comfortable
2) less convenient
3) not as quick
4) show him how obsessed he is with "getting the last word"
5) I CAN COPY AND SAVE text messages as evidence in court...(which he may think is not possible and thus allow him to verbally abuse me AND have record of it)

But in his USUAL ABUSER FASHION, he abused text messaging within 14 hours...
SO...I set a boundary: the text message system would no longer be available to him. I do not have to endure his incessant ranting and railing like a child having a tantrum.
SNAIL MAIL: is his ONLY mode of communication with me, he may still call and speak to his son but his ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR will NOT be tolerated on "my electronic media" (he does not pay for it even).

But as usual with abusers, they will NOT stop abusing,

WE MUST STOP RECEIVING THE ABUSE...

He will continue to be abusive but he will I will NOT receive it any longer.

Abusers don't have any common sense. His thinking that he can get away with this is then to accuse me of not communicating with him...this is ABUSE. I do NOT have to tolerate it. If he has something productive, workable and reasonable to suggest to me. If he cannot learn to communication respectfully, I will cut him off and present this case in court.

ABUSERS ARE LOSERS. THAT my friend, is how to set boundaries and NOT receive abuse.

*This insidious brand of Abuser may be more commonly identified by the Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder that his severe, abusive and controlling symptoms describe. This kind of abuser seems to believe that he is right, everyone else is wrong, he is good no matter how abusive he is told that he is being perceived. Insidious. Abuse. 

Today's blog entry is dedicated to Sterling...a new friend whom I met at the library today...we talked about her reading Cloud and Townsend's book, "Boundaries" and I realized that I had started this blog entry this morning, scheduled to post.