When you have self-respect, you have enough.

I can only imagine that if you who are reading this blog, have NOT been in an abusive relationship (I would only hope that is the case); that you may not be able to fully understand the depth and destruction of abuse in our lives. Daily stress of common life instance are complicated and turned into drama when we attempt to try to please an unappeasable person who exhibits "Just Plain Senseless" behavior as coined by Patricia Evans in her book, Victory over Verbal Abuse.

As I see it, abuse really boils down to ONE thing; just one characteristic that EACH abusive person exhibits and I will pose this question:

Why does it seem to be that ONE characteristic 

of a personality disordered person (or abusive person) 

seems to be that they do not "take someone's NO" for an answer?

Learning to say "NO", I propose is the answer to dealing with any abuse. 

JUST SAY NO.  

 Where do we start in a path of healing from past abuse and going onto personal growth? I propose that we start with our selves.

I have no right, by anything I do or say, to demean a human being in his own eyes. 

What matters is not what I think of him; it is what he thinks of himself. 

To undermine a man's self-respect is a sin.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

In looking at the quote from the author of "The Little Prince", I can see that it is NOT what another person thinks of us but what we think of us that determines our self-respect and in many ways, happiness for being and living as an unique and wonderful human being. Without respect for oneself, I question if we we have respect for others. Much like love, respect requires that we have it "inwardly" to express it outwardly. What do you think of yourself today? Do you have self-respect? Have you allowed someone to disrespect you and/or undermine your self-respect?

In my struggle for self-respect and freedom from abuse, I and many others have repeatedly reported that they were accused of "being selfish". THIS statement by an abusive family member or spouse is not the right of anyone and is intentionally meant to demean us as St. Exupery stated above. Personally, I know myself enough to clearly say that the abuse kept me away from seeking my self-worth and self-respect, and subsequently, my increasing self-respect and knowledge of self-worth improved and was made more evident in my life. As my self-respect increased, the more I could see that I was NOT being respected by the "one person" who SHOULD have respected me the most. The more I realized that I was being disrespected and ultimately UNLOVED, the more confidence I gained in my ability and desire to "seek out the things that are me"; like my music, writing, singing, beaded jewelry making, etc. The more I enjoyed being me, the greater my self-respect increased and with it my creativity, personhood and my own enjoyment of my life. This has been my self-respect healing cycle. 

And it all started with me saying NO to abuse 

and "telling myself" 

that though I did not feel very much self-worth 

that I was VERY WORTHY of self-respect, love and happiness.

 

Would that there were an award for people 

who come to understand the concept of enough. 

Good enough. 

Successful enough. 

Thin enough.

Rich enough. 

Socially responsible enough. 

When you have self-respect, 

you have enough.

Gail Sheehy  

I love the concept of "being enough". So many times in the course of dealing with abuse, I have explained my frustration at not being able to appease or please an abuser by saying "NOTHING that I do is good enough". I am at the point in my healing that I can now clarify this statement and say that I probably meant: "I will never be good enough for one who will not accept and respect me as a person".  Accepting that "we are ok" (and not allow ourselves to be abused) NO MATTER WHAT someone else says is CRUCIAL to developing and nurturing self-respect. 

"Today I am enough.

I am smart enough. 

Wise enough. 

Clever enough. 

Resourceful enough. 

Able enough. 

Confident enough. 

I am connected to enough people to accomplish my heart's desire. 

I have enough ideas to pull off magic and miracles. 

Enough is all I need. 

Enough is what I have. 

I am more than enough."

Mark Victor Hansen 

I am MORE than enough. Can you say that with me today? I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH and

• I have every right to speak out against abuse toward me. 
  
• I have every right to live in peace and to live with those whom I love and who love and respect me in return.  
• I have every right to NOT BE ABUSED and respect myself.
• I have every right to emotionally and intellectually heal from past abuse and nurture myself in personal growth so that I can live out my dreams. 

I AM WORTH IT because I am enough!