Life is a journey, not a destination ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

I once believed that whatever I did today would "get me to my future" tomorrow...

but somewhere along the way, I forgot to enjoy "today".

When I was younger, I "lived for the future" instead of being mindful and fully living "today". I have heard it referred to as "wishing your life away". I used all my energy to drag myself through each day; just trying to survive the mind bending, soul wrenching and spirit crushing verbal and emotional abuse. Each morning seemed like waking up finding myself serving a prison sentence and each night after working in an office all day, going back to my prison cell. I was surviving but not thriving or living. The presence of oppression and abuse seemed to confuse and cloud my vision of any "dream". The deeper I sunk into despair, the further away my "future" seemed and the more impossible my dream seemed to become. Over time, I began to realize that I was "in denial" and the breaking away of denial by TRUTH was freeing me to "find myself, heal from abuse and learn to dream again".

The epiphany finally came where I realized that I was LIVING MY LIFE right now and that just biding my time and weakly hoping for a future would not get me there. I started to find good things in each day; of course, they usually did not have anything to do with the behavior or person of my abuser but my other family members; my son, my mom and friends were sources of enjoyment and opportunities for relief from the hellish life I was living.

Being musical and "sensitive", I began to involve myself in my hobbies, my joys and my stress outlets. I realized that in these activities, I was "finding myself" in finding the things that brought me joy. I began to see the woundedness that I had endured and started calling it what it was; ABUSE. I treated myself kindly and day by day I learned to be patient with myself and to stop making excuses for others. Positive self-talk was vital at this point in my life. "Learning to dream again" was something that needed to be "excavated", after been deeply buried within my heart and consciousness. My dream was to be with the man whom I first loved; my first love. This seemed so impossible yet I dreamt of him and my heart would not let him go. I had no choice but to face my dream, deal with my feelings of its impossibility and I daily worked through my feelings, my fears and my frustrations until I could see myself FREE to follow my dream.

Why do we "put off until tomorrow what we (need) can do today???". We put off and put aside our dreams maybe in the attempt to accept our "today" with the impossibility of tomorrow. Then one day, our dreams waken deep within us and we are strengthened and emboldened to begin to "find ourselves, heal from abuse and learn to dream again". 

YOU are worth every effort that it takes to ENJOY TODAY. Today is where your life is right now...it is not in "tomorrow". Enjoy the journey. You are worth it!!!