Living each day as if it is my last...

Now THAT is a sobering statement but I will submit it with all sincerity. My mother is 87 years old and has been in good health all her life; or so we had thought. She was diagnosed with 4th stage progressive cancer and admitted to hospice care in June. Each day could be her last. One day will bring her last breath. I love my mother and to hear how each breath becomes more laboured is aching to me as her health declines. She says that she is not in pain and that has an answer to many prayers. She was always the picture of health. She was a poster child for good bowel health; eating fiber and even touting the praises of the lowly celery stalk for its fiber content and intestine saving powers. She would eat things that she did not like because they were "good for her". Even then, she "ended up" with a rectal tumor of all things. This life doesn't seem fair that way.

The reality of her illness and age and impending departure instils a deep regret in my heart and hot tears in my eyes. I have feared that she might not have "lived life to the fullest" because she was married to a Narcissistic abusive husband. I feel that though she had many family members, was greatly loved and respected by many, that she did not continue to pursue her dreams and "live each day as if it were her last" and now she is getting ready to face that day. Hopefully, she does not have the regret for living her life as she had lived it as I do.

This really makes me pause and think about my life and what I want to make of it. I learned that we have only this life to live and to live today we must glean our wisdom from our past, make today the best day of our lives and hold onto hope that tomorrow will only be better. I will never stop questioning what is important to me nor will I fail to believe that I deserve less than the very best life has to offer.

“Learn from yesterday, 

live for today, 

hope for tomorrow. 

The important thing is not to stop questioning.”

Albert Einstein

I owe so much to my Mom, a wonderful woman who taught me what hope is and reality should NOT be. I fervently and thankfully dedicate this blog entry in her honor. I love you, Mom.