Walking through the pain

As I try to document and share my healing journey from abuse, I can't help but distinctly remembering how PAINFUL the process has been. Abuse is painful; when the damage is BEING DONE and the wound is being created. When the scarred wound is opened to be cleansed, it feels like it is MORE painful than the initial wound. We may fear the pain or what it may reveal to us about ourselves or others but THIS is a necessary part of the healing process. Many others survivors, including myself, have admitted to RUNNING AWAY from the pain...the pain that we really need to "walk through" in order to process and heal from abuse.




We can look at the  abuse that we endured as the DAILY humiliation, degradation and a seemingly endless barrage of damage much like receiving a bee sting or splinter underneath a different finger or toe EVERY DAY of our lives. The longer we are "attacked"; the weaker we may feel and the greater we may fear the pain of removing the "intruder". At that point, it becomes much more likely that we may face infection or complications that may require MORE attention later.

The PAIN of removing that stinger or splinter is really only a ONE TIME pain and though it will take time to heal, abuse is no longer actively damaging us. If we are willing to be brave and courageous and submit ourselves to the more productive and lesser pain of surgery; we will find that it is much easier, quicker and more healing than we had feared. We will NO longer have to endure the DAILY PAIN, continued damage and deterioration of our SELF to the insidiousness of abuse. We will find that we were "stronger than we thought" because we faced the fears that kept us from saying NO to abuse and healing from its havoc in our lives.

• Identify the FEAR that faces you; name it. It is JUST a fear of something that has not and may not happen. What is the fear that holds you back from seeking healing and wholeness after abuse? 

Click here for PDF questionaire: Identify your core fears: from DNA of Relationships (Dr. Gary Smalley)

1. IDENTIFY THE CONFLICT: What are the  areas of conflict that you find in your life that seem to be continually unresolved yet you have "worked on them"?

2. IDENTIFY YOUR FEELINGS: How did this conflict or negative situation make you feel?

Check all the apply-but “star” the most important feelings:

___ Unsure

___ Apathetic

___ Puzzled

___ Upset

___ Sullen

___ Sad

___ Hurt

___ Disappointed

___ Wearied

___ Tom up

___ Shamed

___ Uncomfortable

___ Confused

___ Worried

___ Disgusted

___ Resentful

___ Bitter

___ Fed up

___ Frustrated

___ Miserable

___ Guilty

___ Embarrassed

___ Frightened

___ Anxious

___ Horrified

___ Disturbed

___ Furious

___ Other: ______________

___ Other: ______________

___ Other: ______________

3. IDENTIFY YOUR FEAR: How did this conflict make you feel about yourself?

4. IDENTIFY YOUR REACTIONS: What do you do when you feel [insert the most important feeling from question #3]?

Identifying the conflicts and how we feeling about them in our lives can help us identify the specific fears and how we are currently reacting to them may help us see how important it is to TEACH OURSELVES TO REACT to them so we can go from being a "victim" to a "survivor" of abuse.