WHAT is possible? Dreams CAN come true.

We all have possibilities we don't know about.
We can do things we don't even dream we can do.
- Dale Carnegie 

  

Whose heart does NOT echo the sentiment of Don Quixote's song, to "dream the impossible dream"? 

Lyrics by Joe Darion
Enjoy on Youtube: To dream the impossible dream by Il Divo 

To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ... 

If but for NOT appearing to be "impossible, would it "be a dream worth dreaming? Do we hold onto dreams because we think that they ARE impossible and so we don't FEAR them coming true in our lives?

I remember "dreaming" the impossible dream and I felt utter hopelessness and despair as if it could NEVER possibly or even partially come true. Dale Carnegie said it best that "we all have possibilities we don't know about." Wow. In my life, I had to come to the place where I had to consider that there was a possibility of seeing my dream come true before I felt safe enough to dream it. But I did believe, deep in my heart, that I COULD DO things that I had NOT YET dreamed of and because of this; I forged ahead and took the necessary and very intrepid steps TOWARD my dream. 

I remember sitting still and introspectively "looking at my life" and remembering the scene from Mrs. Doubfire.

"Ever wish you could freeze frame 

a moment in your day, and look at it and say

 this is not my life?"

As I evaluated the realness of my life; I fell into despair knowing what I was living in and I felt an unquenchable hunger for what I had been living without. I had nothing to lose. In my mind, it could "get no worse" and if I attempted to follow my dream and did not get it; I would be no WORSE off than living without it. I was "all in" as they say. It was "all or nothing" and I was ready for the "nothing" but the all; it was a bit overwhelming to even believe that my dream COULD come true. When I sent my Love a card in the mail I admit that I was more fearful of a positive response than negative one. His rejection would not leave me WORSE off than before and would confirm the "impossibility" of my dream whereas his acceptance of my love and place in his life would change me forever.  And it would also mean that I had lived without him and had been dreaming my life away for nothing.

  

Enjoy on Youtube:  All I have to do is dream by the Everly Brothers

So if you have a dream that you don't think has a possibility of ever coming true, then what do you have to lose? I encourage you, today...Dream!!! Throw you cares to the wind. I did. I don't regret it for a moment. My life has changed and will never be the same. Thank God!

You have nothing to lose but the "impossibility" of your dream coming true. 

PLEASE leave a check in box or comment below...thanks!

When is the END really the beginning???

When it is an END to an abusive relationship and the BEGINNING of your new life.That was really an easy question for me to answer. My divorce from my covertly emotionally and verbally abusive husband became FINAL today...It may seem odd at first glance that I am THRILLED about this but if you were to understand the amount of mind-bending, heart-shattering, soul-crushing, hair-pulling and crazy-making abuse that I had lived with while married to my son's father; you would greater understand my JOY.




Have you ever had a toothache that just continued to get more painful each day? It would begin to abscess but you were unaware of what was going on beneath the surface of your gums. You only knew that it struck you with a mega jolt of agony each time you tried to chew on it. To avoid the FEAR of anticipated pain in going to the dentist, you would DENY the intensity of the torture that you were enduring and say to yourself and others "it's not so bad". You might even start limiting the kinds of foods and temperatures of the same to minimize your suffering. You might even have a good friend or maybe a spouse who would say "Oh, stop being a baby; its' only a tooth, suck it up or go to the dentist already".

Let's set this scene in a marriage that has covert, mental and verbal abuse. The toothache is VERY real but not easily seen. The pain is subtle at first and not easily located or isolated to being in "one tooth". The symptoms worsen a little more everyday; almost like that frog in the pot of water, we get used to a "little more" and learn to "deal with it". We find that certain actions on our part evoke a very painful response. We are shocked. We are fearful of confronting the "Producer of our pain" or having it more closely scrutinized to be something that we must deal with quickly for our own health. We continue to limit the many relationships that seemed to provoke hateful and controlling words and behavior. We severely minimize the joys that we have in life because we are demeaned and devalued for being unique. Finally, we come to a place where it fills our life with so much discomfort that it is hard to hide our displeasure and we are told to "endure it as a good christian should" from the one who is abusing you or "get some help" by those who have heard our complaints and exasperating cries for help. Lastly, we are seen as weak by the ones who cause us pain and by those who don't understand the invisible psychic pain of mental abuse. Our self esteems have hit rock bottom and we feel MORE than all alone. We have been abused by "the one person" that we had trusted to be loving and kind to us. We have been betrayed and are severely confused over the injustice of being blamed for another's weakensses and fears as they project them onto us. This is a DAILY way of life for the victim of abuse.

When can we say NO to abuse? When we realize that we do not deserve it-we did not cause it, we cannot control it and we cannot change it (the abuser).

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

(Although known most widely in its abbreviated form above,
the entire prayer reads as follows...)

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

The most important thing for any survivor of abuse to remember is that the END of an abusive relationship is the BEGINNING of a new life. Embrace it, you deserve it.

If this rings true to your experience in marriage or relationship, I so sincerely extend my heart to you. I feel your hurt, confusion and pain. I want to give you hope that this CAN and WILL stop. Please check out the Healing from Abuse Page Tab (above blog entries)for help and support in understanding abuse and how you can deal with it. 
There is help. You are not alone.

Going back (to get) my future

If you are a movie lover, you are sure to have seen and enjoyed the movie, "Back to the Future" from the mid 80's. This story is truly one of the sci-fi/fantasy genres best movies of all time. Have you ever thought of what part of your life, what date in your history that you would like to revisit and relive? Have you ever wondered if you had left "part of you" behind? What past event might you want to "do over" that would ultimately change the path that your present life has taken and transform it into being the life "that you should have had"?  Even considering the possibility of regaining a part of our lives that might have been lost is the romance behind this intriguing tale.

This is even more of a reality to me than one might first see from the outside looking into my life. I was GREATLY affected by the "De Lorean 80's". I had even ridden in several of the DMC's or DeLoreans; the futuristic gull-wing car that was used as the time machine in the movie. In ways, it has become my time machine as well. Whenever I see one, I am "transported" back to that time where I had to go to "find my future", the life that I am now living. My life was forever changed and affected by this era and more so, by one man. Over 30 years ago this next month, I met the tall, dark, good looking young man with whom I quickly and irrevocably fell in love. I can say that for the both of us it was truly love at first sight.

As with all TRUE love stories; there is always tragedy. Like Romeo and Juliet; the pressures of family and life can pull apart the hearts and lives of even the most dedicated couple. The difference in this true story is that though our lives were  lived separate and apart from each other; they ironically paralleled with the same sadness and hopelessness of knowing that there was only one true love for us and falsely believing that we would never be together again.                                                              

Read more here: 

NEW: Back to OUR future blog

This blog was begun with the purpose of my dealing with; accepting and healing from domestic abuse from my second husband. There are books that will never be written about this relationship; one of domestic abuse and control. Mental cruelty and betrayal ending in bigamy was the fateful and painful path of a marriage to a personality disordered spouse. I miraculously survived (body, soul and mind) and wholly hope to share the healing path that I had taken to the door step of my biggest DREAM come true. I survived and then took my time machine BACK TO OUR FUTURE and this has become my passion and sole (soul) focus of my blogging and book writing. I am in process of writing our story; in memoir/story form. It is a beautiful, sad, adventuresome and fun love story. My wish for everyone is that you will search out your dreams and consider regaining parts of yourself and your life that you think you might have left behind. It is not too late. Your dreams CAN come true.  You are welcome to borrow my "Time Machine" and go with me on my trip "Back to Our Future".

Hurricane Irene; facing the storms in life; facing death.

My mother is in a hospital room under hospice care, having JUST been diagnosed with terminal cancer in June, facing the damage of a possible heart attack along with infection. She is a "sassy and spry" 87 year old and is IN THE DIRECT PATH of Hurricane Irene. They are currently receiving high winds and heavy torrential rain as of  Saturday, 1 p.m. EST. Most areas in North Carolina have lost power including my brother's home; about 2 hours WEST of where my mother is in Greenville, North Carolina.

Each day that we face brings its own challenges and pain, joys and triumphs; death seems to touch upon ALL of that. It challenges us to face our own mortality. Could we learn to be ready to stare the Grim Reaper right in the face but extend a welcoming hand to him? If we are not able or ready to do that, how do we prepare to "let go" of a loved one? The pain we feel in loss is something that we must work through both mentally and emotionally. We may be reminded of the joys of knowing and loving our loved one and we may find comfort and peace in such tender memories. We triumph in life when we boldly face and survive the difficulties of life which overcomes the challenges and pain (of separation) of death.

For the purpose of our own education and help to those we love who will face death, I strongly advocate and support that a  very non biased "End of life studies" class should be required for all high schoolers. A 6 week "internship" including visits to nursing homes and hospice units and a term paper examining the hearts of each young person titled "How I will face my own death" should be prequisite for high school graduation. Learning how to face our own mortality will help us face the loss in the death of a loved one. I completed a Hospice volunteer course and became a certified Hospice volunteer but had not used my newly found understanding with a person who was in the process dying until my dear friend Jeri Rinehart was diagnosed with terminal cancer at the age of 74. She was an AVID Opera aficionado, a music educator and wonderful person who would "air" Opera's on DVD in her home in "surround sound" that my mother attended and enjoyed very much. Jeri chose not to undergo any chemotherapy and she lived her life longer than her prognoses allowed. Three of her friends who were also facing cancer chose to take chemo and they had even been "given" a better prognosis by taking it, all died several months prior to her passing. My Mother was diagnosed in 4th stage and also did not choose to take chemotherapy. She knew that Jeri had enjoyed her last days and I feel that by knowing this, loving Jeri and enjoying her life, that my mother was more able to also enjoy her own life; even so close to its end.

Facing a Hurricane and facing the death of a loved one have a view similarities, in many instances. Death will also pass through and leave it's damage and we will move on and live again; better knowing HOW to live after having lived through this loss.

Please remember to pray for the safety of ALL of those in Hurricane Irene's path. Loss is hard, but we CAN get through it and be better prepared for the next "storm" in our lives. Wishing you much hope and peace in whatever storm you find yourself facing today.

Till the storm passes over, till the thunder sounds no more,
Till the clouds roll forever from the sky;
Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand,
Keep me safe till the storm passes by.

(from the song: Til the Storm passes by  written by Bill and Gloria Gaither)

What are you willing to fight for?

"Them are fightin' words" as the Irish part of me would say with a rich Irish brouge; curling my fists in a "come and try to get me" boxer stance. My "Ire" has been called wilfulness, stubbornness,  and even hard headedness and those are just the complimentary synonyms. Sometimes, and most often in disrespectful and abusive relationships it has been called "contentiousness" and that really means that my attitude, opinion, thought and "right to be me" contends with another's "opinion". To that I say,  "too bad".  Sometimes I have been called derogatory names because of my right to speak out for what I believe in...me mainly. I am sure that you can imagine, have heard and even been the undeserving recipient of such derogatory names. We all  know that name calling  is NOT loving or part of a healthy or happy marriage relationship. It is usually ALWAYS part of a relationship with a personality disordered person.

What are you willing to fight for? As for me, I was ALWAYS willing and ready and probably always defensively engaged in "fighting for my right to be me" all my life. I was labelled "defensive" and rightfully so because my dear Narcissistic father and Codependent mother and  abuse and relationship issues with both my older brother and younger sister made it necessary for me to "watch out for myself". I have been called "stubborn" with a tone of voice that strongly implied that it was a bad thing to know your mind and will and to speak out what you believe. It was even told to me that "You are going to think whatever you want anyway"...Yes, this was said to me, I suppose, it was intended to be an insult. Pardon me for laughing out loud. It seemed more like an affirmation of my individuality than an insult of my "contentiousness".

I am both amused and annoyed 

that you think I should be less stubborn than you are.

Dr. Gregory House. 

I wish that I had been "so stubborn" the moment that I realized that I was abused by a family member or husband. I wish that I had "fought for me" from that very moment instead of "giving myself up" to  another's will.

I want to encourage you to "be you" today and the next time someone looks at you with an attitude and says: "You are so stubborn", just look them straight in the eye and say  

"Thanks, I knew that".