This is VERBAL ABUSE

 author unknown, shared anonymously

once more your voice descending

I’m crashing to the floor

the honeymoon is ending

like so many times before


broken pieces of my heart

have fallen on the ground

from years of bad dreams coming true

of comfort never found

that girl I was at twenty

who trusted only you

bit by bit has slipped away

as the pile of pieces grew

you finally have robbed me

of the me I thought was there

I’m remade in your image

your little teddy bear

sorrow has dissolved my soul

tears have drowned my mind

pain has killed my spirit

from being kicked so many times

although you are beside me

screaming how I am wrong

your grimaces I cannot see

your rage is all but gone

I am no more, I do not fear

you shouting from above

as you drive another nail into

the coffin of my love

original author: 

Thanks for letting me share.

-c.


This poem uses imagery from books on verbal abuse written by Patricia Evans. 

SPEAK OUT!!!

Taking GOOD care of myself

I really enjoy a good cup of tea in a china cup from a china tea pot; warmed in the traditional English style. I love the scent of blossoming lilacs. I love the color purple and the scent of these beautiful flowers. 


I can more easily enjoy the SIMPLE PLEASURES IN life; what we all need to take good care of ourselves. It may take some discipline or better yet a renewed focus ON ONESELF in order to get to the place where we can enjoy the "simple pleasures" again. I am definitely a woman who believes in the Simple Joys of life and I embrace them whenever they are available and even create opportunities to enjoy what I want to enjoy when I want to enjoy it. When we are in an abusive relationship or have contact with an abusive person who demeans, discounts or disrespects us they are very likely to say "You are SO selfish to just think of yourself"...this is an abuser's main way of saying "You are not paying enough attention to ME, you must worship ME and you must allow ME to control and abuse you". 


Today, I would love to invite you to join me in a cup of tea; 

Living again

I love life but there have been many times in my life that I did NOT feel loved. I was being abused. I have been writing this blog from a the perspective of a "nearly fully healed" mother, wife, daughter, and friend.  
I have challenged myself to find myself, heal from abuse and dare to dream again. This blog has been part of my healing journey and I hope to "pay back" many who have helped me along the way and "pay forward" to reach out to others who have found themselves in the same place I had. 

I can relate to your pain and fear in facing the extremely difficult obstacle of denial. I had to accept many new and unwelcome things about myself before I could realize that I was living in an abusive relationship. I had a more difficult decision to make regarding HOW I would extricate myself from an abusive marriage; it just wasn't a simple task. It was scary. When we are psychically and emotionally hurt from attacks on our self esteem, especially by those who are supposed to be loving us, it can nearly destroy who we are. We can LOSE ourselves. We then are afflicted with our own negative self-talk and may try to find our way out of the pain of living a life with no happiness or resolve. We just try to find the strength and stamina to face another day with seemingly very little accomplished toward healing and living a healthy life. But through ALL of this, I have learned to HOLD ONTO HOPE that things WILL get better...and for me, they did.

Finding me was the first step to healing from abuse 

which is necessary to learn to dream again...

you can do it too.

I have been OUT of an abusive marriage for almost two years. I have found that I had been able to do many instinctively good things for myself and bravely faced the truth of the denial that I was being abused by a christian no less. I accepted the truth as I understood it and started taking care of myself; thinking that those who abuse us will NOT be taking care of us; but only using us to take care of themselves. I realized that I had been abused and carried within my mind, heart and soul, the pain and damage that abuse wields.

When I began to say NO to abuse, 

say YES to me 

I felt free to DREAM AGAIN...

Struggling through healing toward passion and creativity

It is called by many names, "dry period", "writer's block", "the blues" or the "doldrums", but anyway you label it, abuse and life's hard lessons have a way of sucking the creative energy out of us. I believe it is then that "need to refresh our passion" for life and whatever in life brings us joy. A "change of scene" or focus or paradigm shift may be the "jump start" that our creativity needs to thrive. Some say that we can "fake it til we make it" but I just have to believe in myself even when I feel lacking in hope and inspiration. I believe that merely acknowledging to ourselves that life has more purposelessness moments than not, is ENOUGH to throw us into the pit of despair and the dry well of mere existence. WE DO NOT need to accept mere existence as our "life"...we CAN hope and HAVE much more!

Our self esteem is so closely tied to our creative expression that any threat or damage due to abuse can totally disable our ability and even desire to express ourselves. We deserve to BE CREATIVE and enjoy life and everything that brings us joy; why have we allowed other's mistreatment and abuse toward us destroy or cripple the wonderful artistic beauty that we hold within us all? We did not consciously "allow" anyone to abuse us but due to many familiar influences and personality and mental processes, we "thought" that the treatment of a spouse, loved one or friend was "normal". We lived with abuse for SO LONG that we do not know what normal is any more. We are either in jeopardy of  losing our life's focus and sense of individuality and purpose or we may have already "lost ourselves".  I have found that one way to "find ourselves" is to search for the creative energy within us and encourage it to thrive IN SPITE of anyone else's opinion. We need to learn to VALIDATE ourselves because those in our lives, whom we have trusted with "ourselves" have failed to provide the validation, safety and nurture that all persons require and deserve.

When "the blues" hit you next time; see it as an OPPORTUNITY to invest in yourself. See it as a "red flag" or warning that there is a "breach in security" and that the wonderful person that you are and all you hold in your heart is in peril! EMBRACE the joy within you and RUN WITH IT...grab a hold of yourself and don't let go.