Keeping it true

As I think of my writing TO YOU about "finding myself, healing from abuse and learning to dream again", I think of one word that motivates me to share the VERY BEST of what I have learned...the word is "TRUE".

We have MANY wonderful, inspirational writers who have Facebook pages, blogs and have authored insightful and encouraging books on "how to live life better" and I applaud them. They provide us with tools, encouragement and a path to help us to "find ourselves" amidst confusing feelings, thoughts and painful memories in a convoluted world. They give us hope that we CAN be whole. 

We can be enriched while being greatly informed by Facebook pages, blogs and books which hold the testimony of lives that have been shattered by abuse and their healing from it. We are shocked to see that others have been abused, in our view, in somewhat greater and more the deeply traumatic ways than we have been. We understand how they are on their "healing journey" and that their writings reflect their process. They give us hope that we CAN heal and move on with our lives after abuse. 

We also have many wonderful Facebook pages, blogs and books written by philosophers, thinkers and dreamers who help us "learn to dream again". Their lofty and even seemingly impossible ideals encourage me to move beyond the constraints and limits of what I consider to be my normal life. They inspire me to want to "be more" of a person each day. 

"Singing a New Song" is a little bit of all of these...

     I do not claim to be an accomplished writer. I have yet to author a book though I have been an inspiration to motivate others to ACT upon their hopes for their lives, I am not a professional speaker. I am a genuine person who is just "being me". 

     I may not have been deeply physically or sexually abused and do not have an horrific story to share (I think of Dave Pelzer and his book "A child called "It") that will help you to put what you have experienced in perspective of horrendous, unthinkable abuse. I am a honestly caring person and I desire to see others heal from abuse and live their lives with the all too common and constant personal obstacles, struggles and challenges. 

     I may not be a great thinker though I have had and HAVE great thoughts at times. I love to share words of wisdom and better yet, I desire to share more of my life and how I have "found myself, healed from abuse and learned to dream again" as it continues to be revealed to me. I am insightful and many can relate to my thoughts on life and my self. 

Being TRUE to myself, being TRUE to my family and friends, being TRUE to wonderful people like yourself who actually read my writing, is MOST important to me. I intend on "keeping it true" and hope that my choice in life will encourage you to do the same. 

YOU are worth it!!! 

I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. 

I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. 

Abraham Lincoln 

What do you see?

When I first created THIS blog in 2010, I thought of it as an exercise in writing and expression of my thoughts and feelings of living in an abusive (christian) marriage. Little did I understand at that point, that THIS blog would become a "megaphone" to voice out my understanding of how verbal abuse and mental illness can so deeply affect our lives. It has also become my opportunity to share my healing journey of  "finding me, healing from abuse and learning to dream again".

What I THOUGHT was the problem, was the ONLY thing that I could see. It was an epiphany for me to realize that I have MUCH MORE control over WHAT I SEE, HOW I perceive it, WHAT beliefs I hold and WHY I allow them to affect how I feel and respond to others. 

WHAT I SAW and believed, 

affected my life MORE 

than what was outwardly occurring.  

It is NOT enough to "think positive thoughts". I believe that in just "thinking positive", we can be lead deeply into denial and lose discovering the REAL causes of the symptoms that we are experiencing. It also leads to accepting a "truth" of ourselves, that is NOT based upon reality. I had begun to learn that changing a few thoughts to ones that were more "positive" did NOT sufficiently bandage the deep oozing psychic wounds that you and I experience, but only denied my pain and damage. I was effectively and negligently avoiding the deeper needs of my soul; bearing deep pain while smiling on the outside and looking like I didn't have a problem in the world.   

As "Singing a New Song" developed and then was translated into the Facebook page that it has been for the past year, I hold to the premise that "happy thoughts" won't heal us. They may not even make us feel good for a short while. Only KNOWING our thoughts, what we believe and WHY we FEEL as we do because of them can lead us to healing and greater happiness in life. 

So when you stop by this blog, and I am glad that you do, you will know NOT to expect some shallow rhetoric, some hot air or quick fixes. There are none. I truly believe that EVERYONE can change their lives right where they are this very moment and "find themselves, heal from abuse and learn to dream again" even if we have been abused, rejected, lied about and cast aside. We can learn to BE PATIENT and LOVING toward ourselves. We can learn to SEE what we really do not want to see in our lives. We can learn how we CAN feel good about ourselves and our lives again...

So when you hear (or read) "Singing a NEW Song", think of it as openly embracing and singing a truly happy and authentically joyful song instead of the dirge that you have been carrying around in your heart. We have something to sing about. We CAN "find ourselves, heal from abuse and learn to dream again"...it is NOT JUST a positive thought but a REALITY that you and I CAN experience.

I know that I am worth whatever it takes to "be free to be me" and I hope that you have come to believe that 
YOU ARE WORTH IT too!!! 

Where are YOU? Have you "found yourself"?

Being an introvert, I may have always been more NATURALLY inquisitive about "what is inside" of ME. I really only learned in the past 15 years that this may be very different from what others may experience. I have always sensed that I was part of another WHOLE WORLD inside of me; music, art, writing, fully embracing the world both within me and outside of me with my whole heart. I have always striven to become "who I really am". I understand that it MIGHT NOT be so natural for others, especially those of us who have been damaged by abuse. 

I care about "where you are" on your healing journey. 
Won't you join me in "walking down your life's path" 
for a few moments? 

Everyone matures and grows at different rates, with different influences, obstacles and  perspectives. So you may have started on your journey of "finding you" when you were a teen. You may have been "fighting to be YOU" and rebelling against authority of your parents and teachers and even society. This might have led you to ESCAPE the journey of "finding you" by busying yourself in substance abuse, illicit and risk taking relationships or perhaps you might have I HID within  ART, SCIENCE, LOGIC, ORGANIZATION, TEACHING, SPORTS...But thinking that we are adding VALUE to our lives by adding PLEASURE to it through these activities is an illusion and only a distraction from "becoming who we really are". 

We may trying to find ourselves after realizing that damaging abuse required that we learn how to take good care of ourselves...I know that it was a failed marriage, one that I found that I was married to a man with an addiction, possibly used to HIDE FROM HIMSELF the pain, sorrow or fear that he hid deep within his heart. I could see this "need" in others and eventually realized that I was seeing it in myself as well. 

I "found myself" in the things that I love...music, art, philosophy. The more I enjoyed these disciplines, the more I actively invested my life into their study and further enjoyment. I added something of myself to my love of music, I started writing songs. Then I recorded and performed those songs. I could SEE MYSELF in my songs. The songs were "birthed" out of me. I "found myself" in the things that I LOVE. 

We may have learned that we have HID from ourselves, denied our pain and sorrow, pushed down other's opinions and rejection of who we are and have even "lost our selves" in the process. However your path has led you to "finding yourself" has been part of what was taught and presented to you as "being life" and is very normal. But we all have an EPIPHANY and begin to embark on this healing journey where we may find that we do not want to live our lives without "finding yourself, healing from abuse and learning to dream again", as we realize that this is the only healthy way to live our lives..

BE HEALTHY...TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU today...
YOU are worth it!!!

Really, who do you think you're kidding???

These "positive messages" of "finding yourself, healing from abuse and learning to dream again" might really seem like pie in the sky, fluff, nothing of sustenance and sometimes just a lot of HOT AIR...but they really ARE ANYTHING BUT that. 

It isn't just "thinking positive" that makes us happy. 

It is KNOWING ourselves.  

That is why the "finding me" part is SO important in the process of SINGING A NEW SONG. We NEED to start with ourselves and why shouldn't we think GOOD AND POSITIVE things about and for ourselves??? As we repeat often...
YOU are worth it!!!

It isn't just feeling better and not having the memories and painful damage of the wounds of abuse that will make us so happy.  

It is ACCEPTING and LOVING ourselves.

"Healing from abuse" is our right as humans and is crucial in the process of SINGING A NEW SONG...We deseve to let go of the pain and all the negative defining and demeaning statements by others who said those things TO hurt us. Why shouldn't you put your effort into TAKING GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF...
YOU are worth it!!!

It isn't just wanting more for our lives that make us happy...

It is BELIEVING in ourselves. 

"Learning to dream again" the goal in the process of SINGING A NEW SONG. We really can dream again and MAKE PLANS to SEE OUR DREAMS COME TRUE.

I am definitely NOT trying to kid anyone when I share how I have grown THROUGH this process. I relish life and take the process of living it very seriously. I believe in enjoying life and I passionately desire that EVERYONE realizes that they deserve to live a full life without abuse and its damage. It may seem too good to be true because it feels so far away but we need to be reminded that "IF WE CAN IMAGINE IT, WE CAN make it happen". Don't give up on your self, your healing journey or your dreams.

You REALLY ARE worth it!!!