The power of "NO"

I can only imagine that if you who are reading this blog and have NOT been in an abusive relationship (I would only hope that is the case); that you may not be able to fully understand the depth and destruction of abuse in our lives. The daily stress of trying to comply and please an unappeasable person is just plain crazy. It can lead to health related diseases, depression and even self-harm.   It is a daily struggle for our sanity and "heart" because of the disrespectful, demeaning and discounting ways that our "loved one" acts toward us.




So many people, the ones you see on the street, at the grocery store and in your workplace; may be living under the insidious hand of abuse through a daily onslaught of psychic attacks, devaluing of their person and disrespect of their ideas and thoughts; resulting in deep emotional, mental and spiritual damage. They struggle with self-image, second-guessing their ability to make sound decisions and may even act defensively to criticism which only compounds on top of the verbal abuse that they have received at "home". Then there are the family members who seem to be "difficult" to get along with. This is very sad and most difficult to deal especially when the loved one is a spouse. The destructive communication of the personality disordered person can be devastating and damaging.

As I see it, abuse really boils down to ONE thing; just one specific behavior that EACH abusive person seems to exhibit and that is that they  do not "take someone's NO" for an answer. A simple and very powerful word, "no" can be  contested, debated, ridiculed, ignored, argued, belittled, demeaned but it CAN NOT BE DONE AWAY WITH.  I have learned that saying "NO", may be only the start of establishing my boundaries with an abusive, disrespectful person. I have EVERY RIGHT to speak out and exert MY WILL in my life; even if it means that I am "saying no" to someone whom I love. An abuser will "not take NO for an answer". They will challenge, debate and argue that we have no right to "contradict them" or not be "submissive" if you have a "religious abuser" who is using your faith and religious doctrine as justification for their behavior.

  I have learned that saying "NO", 

may be only the start of establishing my boundaries 

with an abusive, disrespectful person.

Seriously, HOW can the word "NO" be so disregarded that it may sometimes take many times of saying it just to believe that we can say "NO"? It may even require more times of reiterating OUR RIGHTS and WISHES that we must believe that "the act of saying no" may NOT be respected. But in all of that, WE STILL HAVE THE RIGHT to say NO to abuse. The holidays are approaching. I have much to celebrate. I have the power and the right to "say NO" to abuse...and so do you.