New Year's Resolution for Abuse Survivors

Have you had a difficult time in not only keeping but MAKING New Year's resolutions when you have felt that you "were not in control of your life?" When I was a teen, I would write  "New Year's Thank You letters" or poems to people who had invested in my life during the previous year. I felt that it was the least that I could do; a practice in gratitude and "paying back" for all the good that had been done for me. I continued this practice for many years and then I stopped. I wondered why I had stopped writing "thank yous"? Had I stopped being grateful or had I stopped "Celebrating New Years" and with it the ceasing of this New Year's ritual? I realize now, many years hence,


that my abusive EX husband not only would NOT celebrate "New Year's Eve and Day" but he did "not believe in it". I knew that its observance was much more significant than than a changing of a clock or the dropping of the big glowing ball in Times Square. I realized that "this rite of passage" was a vital way of marking the passage of time and accomplishment. For over 12 years, I saw the years FLY by and while living with abuse, I did not feel that I had control over my life to change it. For me, taking New Year's Resolutions BACK is part of my healing.

What New Year's Resolution would you like to make FOR yourself this year?
What would you like to accomplish? What ONE GOAL or FOCUS would you like to make YOURS???
You deserve to heal, grow and dream dreams again...where will you start in 2012???

 My personal resolution

is to TREAT my body and soul with more gentleness, kindness and consideration. 

 Allow healing and strengthening to come from my past pain

and to "be the best me in 2012"

I wish you peace in 2012; 

may it be your BEST year ever!

Abuse Victim's New Year Resolutions (Sam Vaknin)

1. I will treat myself with dignity and demand respect from others. I will not allow anyone to disrespect me.

2. I will set clear boundaries and make known to others what I regard as permissible and acceptable behavior and what is out of bounds.

3. I will not tolerate abuse and aggression in any form or guise. I will seek to terminate such misconduct instantly and unequivocally.

4. I will be assertive and unambiguous about my needs, wishes, and expectations from others. I will not be arrogant - but I will be confident. I will not be selfish and narcissistic - but I will love and care for myself.

5. I will get to know myself better.

6. I will treat others as I want them to treat me. I will try to lead by way of self-example.

7. If I am habitually disrespected, abused, or if my boundaries are ignored and breached I will terminate the relationship with the abuser forthwith. Zero tolerance and no second chance will be my maxims of self-preservation.

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin)