It is NOT uncommon to expect and receive
kindness or respect from others; except when
kindness or respect from others; except when
you're in relationship with an abusive person.
We look on the outside of ourselves to
find validation, praise and encouragement and we may find it in some places, but we are not likely to find them in a domestically abusive relationship.
find validation, praise and encouragement and we may find it in some places, but we are not likely to find them in a domestically abusive relationship.
We usually can trust another person to not harm us,
to wish us well and to hope for the best for us; unless we are married to or in relationship with an abuser.
In an abusive relationship;
the things that should be healthy, are not.
the things that should be healthy, are not.
When the world around us falls apart emotionally, we still have an INNER life that an abuser cannot control and it is the only thing that we CAN control, ourselves.
Being introspective as I am, I have been reading up on personality TYPES; not disorders per se but the several different kinds of PERSONALITIES and I believe that after taking a "quiz" to determine my personality type that I seem to closely follow the "Idiosyncratic Personality". (book:The New Personality Self-Portrait: Why You Think, Work, Love and Act the Way You Do-John M. Oldham,Lois B. Morris) This was helpful in helping me to see the "deep inner world" that I seem to experience. My many writings confirm this deep understanding and need to continue to develop my INNER LIFE. I have always encouraged others to do the same.
In looking at our wills and the concept of CONTROL, I think that Stoic doctrine explains my view.
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The Stoic doctrine that things not in our power are neither good nor bad can be deduced from a number of other core Stoic beliefs.
- Virtue is the only thing genuinely good, and vice is the only thing genuinely bad.
- The only things in our power are our beliefs and will.
- Virtue and vice are types of acts of will.
- Ergo, virtue and vice are in our power.
- Ergo, things not in our power are neither good nor bad.
The following seem to be the core value beliefs of the Idiosyncratic type. These beliefs give primary value to external things, things not 'in our power' Therefore, they are false judgements of what is good and bad. ( Idiosyncratic Personality)
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Finding me, healing from abuse and learning to dream again all require that my "inner life", my will (virtues and vices) and my beliefs (things in my power) are NOT in another's control, but only in my control.We have the ability to protect our inner life and CAN survive torture if we will allow our minds ACCEPT that the only things that are truly in our control are our will and beliefs and all the "external" things are NOT in our control, and they CAN be seen as either good or bad. WE can "let them go" and develop our "inner life" and be free of abuse from others.
Some questions to ask yourself: (these are meant to PROVOKE your will and beliefs)
- Are you in a controlling or abusive relationship? why?
- Do you feel that you have "lost" parts of you? which ones?
- Do you believe that you are worthwhile, just because? (please do!)
- In reading this blog entry, do you feel helpless? (you are not!)
- Do you realize that YOU have the power to change your life, from the inside?
- What do you see an your ideal life?
I hope that you "find you", heal from abuse and learn to dream again, I really do!!!
