Abuse can produce selective memory and we may even forget who we are and what we deserve. We cling to dreams of "what we want" so much that we do not realize that we deserve to have SO MUCH more than what we are left settling for. We really deserve to have ourselves after the abuse is gone.
Part of "finding myself" was really discovering WHO I WAS and WHAT I DESERVED. When I was separated from my first husband, I heard a voice from Heaven say "don't tell him what you WANT, tell him what you see". I did just that. If I had told him "what I had wanted", he might have felt obligated to "be a good guy" or to "prove that I was wrong in how I saw him and his treatment of me" as well as "denying his addictive behavior". I did not tell him what I wanted; what I wanted did not matter at that moment. I needed to see the truth and KNOW the kind of man and relationship that I had committed myself. I deserved to know the truth; even though the truth hurts. I also believe that the truth heals.
The biggest factor of facing the truth of abuse for me was the FEAR of being hurt EVEN MORE than I had already experienced. I felt damaged and weak. How could I "survive" if I had to face the dirty truth about abuse? I would certainly HURT even more confronting it. Wouldn't I nearly die from the fear of MORE pain or loss that I had already faced?I have a found the paradox,
that if you love until it hurts,
there can be NO MORE HURT,
only MORE love.
Daphne Rae
Through the process of "finding me", I realized that facing the"truth of me" was NOT causing me as much fear and anxiety and PAIN as the dreaded BREAKING THE DENIAL of what I believed about my "abuser" and how I believed his behaviour reflected negatively upon how I viewed myself. POSITIVE SELF-TALK and "being gentle" with the precious, hurting woman who I met daily in the mirror, was the MOST VITAL steps in the process of my healing journey.
- We deserve to NOT be abused.
- We deserve happiness in our lives.
- We deserve to believe what we tell ourselves
- We deserve for self-talk to be positive and encouraging.
- We deserve to KNOW the truth; it is ONLY in knowing the truth,will we BE SET FREE from abuse.
We CAN do this!
