Fear of the familiar; fear of the unknown

Fear. Why do we allow such a strong, compelling and even debilitating emotion to rule our lives? At times we feel that we have NO other choice but to "do" or "not do" according to "how we feel?". What we feel is actually NOT the best criteria to choose from when we need to make an healthy decision. We need information; facts and truth. 

I remember when I first realized that I was in an abusive marriage. I was shocked. I was in denial. How could another christian be so abusive? It must be my imagination or better yet, maybe I am being selfish and don't understand his "needs". I was MISINFORMED and given UNTRUTH to base my decision about "what kind of woman that I was supposed to be" being that I was a christian. I was "not supposed" to have separate thoughts from my husband. I was not being a good christian in even thinking that he could be abusive when he was telling me that I was being rebellious and contentious. (do we even HEAR those words any more?) I would feel ashamed to admit that I disagreed with him. He had said that "when you disobey me, you are disobeying God"...He was "my head" and I was to submit to his authority in my life. How could I trust a man who was disrespectful, discounting and dismissive of my thoughts, opinions and actions and then submit to his authority in all matters, without question???

My answer to these questions were...I WAS MISINFORMED, given UNTRUTH and told that I "was supposed" to "obey" him, and this was SAID TO ME by "friends" and other christians who THOUGHT he was actually a christian. It took me a while to realize that what a person does SHOWS the kind of person they are and instead I was blindsided to believe that what a person "says they are" should indicate the behavior that I not only should expect from them but that they are "required" to exhibit for the mere reason of "proving their faith". And then, the gray area of when a person who "claims" to be a "holy" person who is really disrespectful, unloving and abusive who DEMANDS submission and then JUDGES their spouse to be "less than" a christian for NOT OBEYING THEM. 

Fear had been SO debilitating that I had not even begun to think that I COULD BE FREE from this abuse. I had hardly understood it to be abuse since it had a spiritual element that I was "not allowed to question" or else I would "not have the faith" to continue to try to save my marriage. 
And then I had heard that FEAR really is...
False 
Expectations 
Appearing 
Real 

• I chose to SEE THE TRUTH as it was rather than what I expected it to be. 
• I had to be willing to accept that MY expectations might NOT be realistic.
• I needed to understand that things are NOT always as they appear.

And most importantly:

• My feelings of doom and dread and FEAR, though seemingly legitimate, really did NOT have any root in reality. I was afraid of FEAR itself. 

Since then I have been able to "find me, heal from abuse and learn to dream again". NO fear required. NO fear welcome. You can do it too!!! 

YOU are worth it!!!