Finally "Breaking free and being ME"

         Breaking free and being ME has been birthed from 

it's previous name (Singing a New Song: there was another, which I had not known existed, with that name, prior to my claiming it for this message, so it has been deleted from my

history) and is now on a new mission.

         What are we breaking free of? Some would say outdated and antiquated belief and thought. Others perhaps, the mold that this World has accepted so naively. Breaking free...means to travel our own path. It is breaking free of "being like everyone else" and courageously traveling on our journey...

         Being ME. If ME stands for My Essence (I love acronyms, don't you?) then BEING MY ESSENCE makes much sense and it is worth breaking free from ANYTHING to get to...or at least, in my opinion.

          Why is this page, group and blog exist? Because it CAN. It is a dissenter's wish to defy the norm and reach for the possibility of greater being. I have struggled all my life and beg others to accept ME for as I am. I am not "hard" to accept; a bit formidable and quite strong in confidence and thought; yet for a woman in this day, so that enough makes it hard for a man, who is not as strong or thoughtful to respect and admire a woman who is courageous enough to be her FULL self. I had feared in relationship that I had "lost myself", I hadn't really, I understand that now but I had "melded" so to speak with my Love and it was very scary. I had not yet "found myself" and I was feeling that I was "losing ME". That was many years ago, since then, I realize that it was little more than "shadowboxing", fighting an invisible enemy, needing to "fight for myself" even when I was not being threatened. 

          So Breaking free and being ME came about very quickly one day as I was thinking about the evolution of this page, group and blog over the past 10 years and realized that it is MORE relevant in this form than in the last; though the last form seemed to serve my need to "find myself, heal from abuse and learn to dream again". 

           If you're here...welcome. You are not alone. Your journey is unique and you may find a few ideas and images to be of inspiration and even comfort to you as you journey along. Thanks for joining me...

A NEW Name...a NEW and "further along the path" message...

It just came to me one morning, a few days after I had just "revised" Singing a New Song's profile and Facebook cover page. I had been singing a NEW song and honestly, I think the "song" didn't feel NEW to me anymore; or perhaps, it was just time to keep walking on my healing path and seeing where I end up...Without any conscious thought, I got a flash of insight and heard 

.

 "Breaking free and being ME". It felt right and I quickly wrote it down, scribbling it in longhand on a pad in front of me. I have certainly been on a healing journey; over the past several years, 

A failed love relationship; twice with having returned to my first love from University, just this past decade(which I went on to graduate with my Bachelor's of Science). Then two failed marriages were sandwiched in between this relationship and the latter one blessed me with a marvelous son who I've raised alone from age 10. Resigning from many years in corporate life, I chose to give it all up for my dream come true...when it turned into the BPD Nightmare and that is when I decided it was time to relocated with my son, again, this time to another state. I then had to face making a career change. I had to re-enter the "work force" and make a life and I realized that I could make it whatever I wanted it to be. 

It took a few years in our new residence before I finally settled into a Profession. I attained two licenses and I was just getting ready to embark on my own business of helping people when my song writing partner from the era of time after the 1st marriage and before the 2nd, (I was happily single and singing), called me about the music that we had written, recorded and performed so many years before. In short, in the past short 6 months; during this Pandemic, we have gotten our music online... We are looking at doing it again; writing and recording another 18 + songs and it has already been titled "Reawakening". I'm playing my music on my Celtic harp, singing and writing songs again!!! This is like my "life's blood", it is what makes me feel ALIVE.

So this brings me to the point of this post and WHY the name change came about NOW. Am I really "Breaking free and being ME?" To that, I answer a resounding yes. I heard that some things cannot be taught. And I have understood and realized for myself, that many things in life are "caught" so I was not surprised when this transformation and "breaking out" of the paradigm I had created with Singing a New Song allowed me more freedom to "be ME". 

I am a reader as well as a writer, singer, student and teacher. Many writings and books and poems have ornamented my path like rose petals leading to the bride's chambers. They have instrumentally and fundamentally shaken my world (so that like the windflowers, anemones; my roots are deep and the wind blows away the dead leaves off the flower). They have provided so much wisdom and have encouraged my wildness and haven't been afraid of the strength of my thought and will. I have found my "lair". Being born in August seems apropos. I have an inner peace and refuge. I love my solitude and give it up for no one. I have for so many years, made myself small (or quiet) for those who could "not endure me", I say with a laugh. (a thought describing my personage as intimidating or formidable). Maybe it's age or just maturity, but I don't feel that I need to "be smaller" than I am but I see that I have become more quiet, naturally.  I think part of my "bigness" and "loudness" was due to confirming my identity. My strengths. My self-worth. I am just ME now and it feels great.

So BREAKING FREE AND BEING ME just is; it is just that. If nothing else, it will be my opportunity and pleasure to share HOW I did it; through much meditation, introspection, education with a heart of love and eyes of compassion and hope.

If any of this resonates with you, I am THRILLED for you; you are going to experience what you may never even have been able to imagine, a transformation of YOUR LIFE.

Finding the REAL you

Singing a New Song: 
Finding yourself, healing from abuse and learning to dream again.

That's what this blog; Facebook page is all about; becoming the best YOU!!!! No matter what has happened TO you or within you. YOU deserve to heal, grow and enjoy your life.


Finding the REAL you...what motivates you???

When dreams come true

It's another lazy Sunday; a day for banana bread in the oven and a steaming cup of tea or coffee. It's still dark and the birds are having morning song. Apart from that, there is near silence. At only 6 am on Palm Sunday, I don't think I even hear a car through my slightly opened window, either along my street or a few streets away where there is a main thoroughfare. The CoVid-19 Pandemic is upon us. We are at home. We may only go out for groceries or a much needed time of walking barefoot upon the grassy patches in our backyards, a park or a run along the Greenway.  We are in North Carolina, not one of the hardest-hit states or places in the World. This pandemic is surreal. When did we ever think that we would be immobilized by an unseen enemy? When face masks and glove-wearing was the necessary norm?  But this is our reality now and in it, we are desperately trying to conjure up a deeper meaning and purpose for our lives...it is when a time like this is upon us, that I see the opportunity to turn to self-improvement and reconstruction of reality. 

When are we healing verses just coping???

My "Free to be Me, at last" vision board, 2010.

💥💥💥As this 2019 (where did this year go??? heck, what happened to the whole decade???) comes to a quick close; I realize that I have failed to post regularly and I apologize for that. I was sitting with my green tea this morning, realizing that my dreams might have been hindered by my own blocked emotions. It sounds simple. But I did not see myself as being emotionally stuck or hurt or "frozen". 









🙋I joined Jack Canfield's
Breakthrough 2020 private FB group.   (based upon his The Success Principles book) 

Jack's invitation to you!!! 

The road not taken seriously

As the song says "The road is long, with many a winding turn, that leads us to who knows where, who knows where" (He ain't heavy, he's my brother, The Hollies, 1969) And if it is a road of adventure, it may not matter how winding it may be or where it leads; it may be the road itself is the journey's end and the reason for the travel in the first place...I inject now to add, that this is NOT what the road to healing looks like. Actually, if we 

Singing a New Song

  Singing a 

NEW  Song                                             

Singing a New Song has been in blog form since 2010 and on Facebook as "Singing a New Song" where we can "find yourself, heal from abuse and learn to dream again. It has been a really wonderful spiritual and healing journey for me. I have journeyed

9 ways to FIND our PASSION

Artist: unknown

No one can give us "permission" 
nor can they deny us permission 
to be ourselves 
and create our world the way 
we want it to be. 

We need to let our passion lead us...
the strong, enthusiastic devotion 
to a cause, ideal, or goal 
and tireless diligence in its furtherance. 

What is your passion? 
Here are some of the most inspiring quotes that have helped me FIND MY PASSION.


1 -Do what you love

Spiritual Journey

WELCOME 

to your spiritual journey...

an opportunity to question YOUR PATH in life 

as we muse along together in 

"finding ourselves, healing from abuse 

and learning to dream again". 

You have not stumbled across this blog by chance. YOUR DESIRE TO LIVE WILDLY, FULLY and FREELY and OVER THE TOP has led you here. This is a great time for YOU to take a few moments in your day to peruse over YOUR spiritual journey in life and ASK: 
IS THIS THE PATH THAT I REALLY WANT TO TAKE? 

Let's start at the beginning with our families. 

What "spirituality" did your family teach you? What was reinforced, allowed or encouraged? What holidays were celebrated? Were they "religious" or "spiritual" holidays or celebrated just because everyone else celebrated them??? What influence and benefit has your "family's faith" had upon your life? Has it been encouraging and OPEN or restrictive and CLOSED?

     Our families are our FIRST impressions of faith of any sort and my family; though morally decent was not specific on one faith view but just a "good" and decent family life and choices. I felt a void. A lack of spiritual guidance and unclear goals and very uncertain values and conflicting and some very obstructive, attitudes and prejudices by my father, mainly, which seemed to cause me to NOT just accept that our family's way of life was the best or that I would just automatically continue it into my own life.

How about culture and religious influences:

Did you or are you planning on choosing a different cultural or religious path than the one that you knew and were taught as a child? Are you "finding yourself" and your expression of faith in another expression of belief in God than the "one" that you have been taught. You know that it is VERY likely; that depending upon the area in which you were raised, you are VERY likely to learn and stay in the faith of the culture that you knew as a child, even if it does not serve to help you mature and develop spiritual. I find this to be a VERY sad FACT. 

     For me, I think that because I was NOT taught a certain faith; or trained to follow certain religious guidelines or was made to adhere to a religious tradition, that I SOUGHT many paths; I was curious about WHY certain cultures saw God in the ways that they did (do) and I read about so many other expressions of faith that the one that was (is) dominant in my residence. I lived in Ohio MOST of my life and only the past three years, here in my new home state of North Carolina.

Our choice of education and career:

Are you doing "what you love?" or have you chosen a career path that at least syncs with your values and your heartfelt dreams? Or do you "do what you do" for the money and have left your dreams on the shelf???

    Do you remember a class your had in high school or college; a career class, where you could explore your interests (perhaps complete a Strong Interest Inventory 

(The Strong Interest Inventory® assessment is one of the world’s most widely respected and frequently used career planning tools. It has helped both academic and business organizations develop the brightest talent and has guided thousands of individuals—from high school and college students to midcareer workers seeking a change—in their search for a rich and fulfilling career. ) to see what you really wanted to do fore a life career??? I remember my Human Relations class, Dr. Mac...that was his real name, he was a tall drink of water, a gentleman and had his Ph D. in Behavioral Studies/Psychology and was teaching High School. One assignment that he gave us to complete was most challenging; "Where do you see yourself in FIVE years"...I look back upon it and though my dissertation was somewhat vague for my 16 years of age, it was and has been very accurate in a general way of who I am and what I desired to spend during my revolutions around the Sun. Do you remember an assignment like this? If not, did you take the MPII in college or at University? I did...and it confirmed but added the field of Science as a great interest of mine; which still is to this day...

Choice of mate/life partner/family of our own: 

I found the most wonderful article on "falling in love" and that most people ONLY fall in love with 3 people in their lifetimes...Here is a wonderful, thought-provoking tool provided by http://thepowerofideas.ideapod.com/fall-love-3-people-lifetime-one-specific-reason/ 

We Only Fall in Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime—Each One for a Specific Reason   

By The Power of Ideas - January 27, 2017

It’s true. Philosophers and mystics have raved on for centuries about why we need 3 different lovers. Each one serves a different purpose and there’s no guarantee that all of us will make it to number three.But I bet you’re wondering: 

What the hell are these three different types of loves?

Well, the first one all begins when we’re young. It’s called the “idealistic love”. It’s kind of like a fairy tale. We believe we’re doing it for our family and society.You know, you find the one that is ‘just right’. Everyone will be jealous of you at parties because you’re the ‘perfect couple’. The major problem with this type of love? It relies purely on how other people see you, rather than how you actually feel.

The second type of love is when shit gets real. It’s called the “hard love”. This is where we delve deep into our sexuality, our desires and begin answering the question: Who am I? At times you’ll think that you’re both fated to be together forever. At other times, you’ll want to bite each other’s heads off. It’s passionate, it’s wrong and it’s heart-wrenching. You might break-up, get back together, then break up etc. Each time realizing that it just isn’t meant to be.The good news? You’ve learnt a TON about who you are and what you really want in life.

The third type of love comes out of nowhere. When you meet this person, you’d never consider that you’d end up with them. Perhaps you’re not looking for a relationship, or you think that you’re personalities would clash, but when the connection ignites, it will take off like a lightning strike that neither one of you are prepared for. When you start dating, it just fits. Your personalities bounce off each other like a trampoline. You compliment each other’s strengths and weakness and you both feel like you take on the world. It just feels right. And so it should. You’ve been through struggles, bad breakups, and people who have just plain tried to take advantage of you. But now, you know yourself better than ever, and most importantly, you know deep in your soul that you want to spend the rest of your life with this truly special person.

All of these loves have their reasons, and the lessons you learn through each phase will only help you grow. The people I really feel sorry for are those who never make it to number three.

     I had reviewed my "love lives" prior to reading this article and in my naivete, I deemed that though I had "3 loves" that I had not truly YET experience the "true and lasting" kind of love... They had, very neatly, fallen into the descriptions given in the above article. It has caused me to be thankful; I HAVE HAD 3 loves (two loves to many, I truly only desired to know, marry and love JUST ONE man for a lifetime: but that is not possible) I still am looking and waiting for the idealistic "true love" to find me or me, him. It was upon the FIRST love relationship and it's demise that I chose to begin "finding myself, healing from abuse and learning to dream again"...I did not know about his Borderline Personality Disorder at the time and returned to him...to experience a "dream come true" only to endure the heartbreak of it turning into a "BPD nightmare" complete with infidelity on his part, refusal to "let me have my things" that I brought into the relationship and a TON of broken promises.  I then married my first husband and learned about addictive behavior and abuse (and how NOT to be codependent) and religious dependency or identity that is fake or shallow at best. My second husband, which I thought would be my "last" is my son's father (some say "sperm donor") from whom I learned all about MALIGNANT NARCISSISM, misogynistic abuse and religious "control".   After healing and soul searching, I returned to my "first love" only to find gratitude in all the lessons that I had learned about myself and abuse through marriages with husbands #1 and #2.  

Thank you for reading and please feel free to SHARE this post with others who are needing to embark on their healing journey of "finding themselves, healing from abuse and learning to dream again". I know it may sound cliche, but it is not. It is not trivial, drivel or trite "sayings"...it is OUR life and we deserve to spend it JUST AS WE WOULD LIKE it to be...

I wish you peace dear one...may this posting find you WELL, HAPPY and WHOLE...

D 

Singing a New Song 

Do you THINK?

When we are LOST; to have a thought, time to ourselves and an opportunity to "find ourselves, heal from abuse and learn to dream again" is the best thing to do for ourselves and others.   

In the midst of my greatest pain from abuse and my head and heart reeling from betrayal and abuse, I THOUGHT and purposely chose to THINK about my life and what I need to do to get out of this messed up situation and "find myself, heal from abuse and learn to dream again". 

If you are healing from abuse and still have questions about IF what you experience, actually is abuse, please carefully read the resources that I have copied and pasted for you. The source url is included.

Please do NOT be afraid of the TRUTH...it may not be pleasant but it is ONLY THROUGH ACCEPTING TRUTH, can HEALING come into our lives. 

I wish you PEACE, my dear one...you really ARE worth it!!!

Characteristics of Abusers

If the person you love or live with does these things, it’s time to get help:

• Keeps track of what you are doing all the time and criticizes you for little things.
• Constantly accuses you of being unfaithful.
• Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family, or going to work or school.
• Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs.
• Controls all the money you spend.
• Humiliates you in front of others.
• Destroys your property or things that you care about.
• Threatens to hurt you or the children or pets, or does cause hurt (by hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting).
• Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you.
• Forces you to have sex against your will.
• Blames you for his/her violent outbursts.

Characteristics of Abusers...Warning signs of potential violence:

• Abuser pacing the floor
• Clenching/unclenching fists
• Facial expression (glaring)
• Shouting/yelling

Always be conscious of your own safety needs in all interactions involving an abusive person.  Do not meet privately with a violence-prone individual.  If you must do so, be sure someone is available close by in case you need help.

Abusers frequently have the following characteristics:

• Often blow up in anger at small incidents. He or she is often easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really very angry.
• Are excessively jealous: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser may claim that jealousy is a sign of his or her love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love.
• Like to isolate victim: He or she may try to cut you off from social supports, accusing the people who act as your support network of "causing trouble."
• Have a poor self-image; are insecure.
• Blame others for their own problems.
• Blame others for their own feelings and are very manipulative. An abusive person will often say "you make me mad", "you’re hurting me by not doing what I ask", or "I can’t help being angry".
• Often are alcohol or drug abusers.
• May have a family history of violence.
• May be cruel to animals and/or children. 
• May have a fascination with weapons.
• May think it is okay to solve conflicts with violence.
• Often make threats of violence, breaking or striking objects.
• Often use physical force during arguments.
• Often use verbal threats such as, "I’ll slap your mouth off", "I’ll kill you", or "I’ll break your neck". Abusers may try to excuse this behaviour by saying, "everybody talks like that". 
• May hold rigid stereotypical views of the roles of men and women. The abuser may see women as inferior to men, stupid, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.
• Are very controlling of others.  Controlling behaviours often grow to the point where victims are not allowed to make personal decisions.
• May act out instead of expressing themselves verbally.
• May be quick to become involved in relationships.  Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together.
• May have unrealistic expectations. The abuser may expect his or her partner to fulfill all his or her needs. The abusive person may say, “If you love me, I’m all you need- you’re all I need". 
• May use "playful" force during sex, and/or may want to act out sexual fantasies in which the victim is helpless.  
• May say things that are intentionally cruel and hurtful in order to degrade, humiliate, or run down the victim’s accomplishments.
• Tend to be moody and unpredictable. They may be nice one minute and the next minute explosive. Explosiveness and mood swings are typical of men who beat their partners.
• May have a history of battering: the abuser may admit to hitting others in the past, but will claim the victim “asked for” it.  An abuser will beat any woman he is with; situational circumstances do not make a person abusive.

How dangerous is the abuser? Assessing lethality in an abuse situation:

Some domestic violence is life threatening. All domestic violence is dangerous, but some abusers are more likely to kill than others and some are more likely to kill at specific times. The likelihood of homicide is greater when the following factors are present:

1. Threats of homicide or suicide: The abuser may threaten to kill himself, the victim, the children, relatives, friends, or someone else;
2. Plans for homicide or suicide: The more detailed the abuser’s plan and the more available the method, the greater the risk he will use deadly force;
3. Weapons: The abuser possesses weapons, and has threatened to use them in the past against the victim, the children, or himself. If the abuser has a history of arson, fire should be considered a weapon;
4. "Ownership" of the victim: The abuser says things like "If I can’t have you no one can" or "I would rather see you dead than have you divorce me". The abuser believes he is absolutely entitled to the obedience and loyalty of the victim;
5. Centrality of victim to the abuser: The abuser idolizes the victim, depending heavily on him or her to organize and sustain the abuser’s life, or the abuser isolates the victim from outside supports;
6. Separation violence: The abuser believes he is about to lose the victim;
7. Repeated calls to law enforcement: A history of violence is indicated by repeated police involvement;
8. Escalation of risk-taking: The abuser has begun to act without regard to legal or social consequences that previously constrained his violence; and
9. Hostage taking: He is desperate enough to risk the life of innocent persons by taking hostages.  There is a very serious likelihood of the situation turning deadly.

Battered and Abused Men:

Most of us recognize that men experience verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of women, less well accepted or admitted is the fact of physical abuse. In our society, we think of women as the victims and men as the aggressors in physical abuse.  The fact that women are more likely to be severely injured in domestic violence adds to the problem of recognizing male abuse.  Nevertheless, it happens - frequently.  In fact, men are just as likely to be seriously injured when a woman becomes violent because women are more likely to use weapons in the course of an assault.  If a male client indicates that his girlfriend or partner assaulted him, believe him.  A man will find it harder to discuss his pain with you than will a woman, and even harder to admit to being a victim. It is easier to attribute an injury to a sports mishap or workplace accident than to admit to a doctor or police officer it resulted from domestic violence.

Facts:

1. Fewer men report abuse. They are ashamed to report being abused by women.
2. Health care and law enforcement professionals are more likely to accept alternative explanations of abuse from a man. They will believe other reasons for the presence of bruises and other signs of injury.
3. Our justice system often takes the word of the woman above the word of the man in abuse cases. It is just more believable that the aggressor was the man, not the woman.
4. Men are more likely to tolerate the pain of abuse than women. They "grin and bear it” more. And again, many are ashamed to seek medical help for abuse.
5. Unless a woman uses a weapon, she usually does not have the strength to inflict injury.

Abused men are as likely as their female counterparts are to have low self-esteem.  People can come to believe that they are somehow responsible for what happened.  People cling to the hope that things will get better: that the woman he "loves" will quit when their relationship is better adjusted, or the children get older and show more responsibility.  These are all pretty much the same excuses women make for remaining with men who batter them.


Are you abused?  Does the person you love…

• "Track" all of your time?
• Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?
• Discourage your relationships with family and friends?
• Prevent you from working or attending school?
• Criticize you for little things?
• Become angry easily when drinking or abusing drugs?
• Control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
• Humiliate you in front of others?
• Destroy your personal property or items with sentimental value?
• Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or the children?
• Use or threaten to use a weapon against you?
• Threaten to hurt you or hurt the children?
• Force you to have sex against your will?

Below is a list of things a man can do to help himself:

• Tell friends he trusts.
• Make safety arrangements such as:
  • Leaving the relationship;
  • Finding a safe place to go; and
  • Changing his phone number and/or locks.
• Telephone a domestic violence hotline or shelter and:
  • Talk to a worker;
  • Find out about his legal rights
  • See a counselor 
• Gain the support of witnesses, when possible.
• Take notes detailing dates, times and what occurred.
• Phone 911 when they becomes physically abusive.

Abuse Checklists:

Below is a self-assessment quiz to help you determine if you are being abused. You may be suffering abuse even if you answer, “Yes” to only a few questions.

You may be becoming or already are a victim of abuse if you:

• Feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep him/her from getting angry and are frightened by his/her temper.
• Feel you can't live without him/her.
• Stop seeing other friends or family, or give up activities you enjoy because he/she doesn't like them.
• Are afraid to tell him/her your worries and feelings about the relationship.
• Are often compliant because you are afraid to hurt his/her feelings; and have the urge to "rescue" him/her when he/she is troubled.
• Feel that you are the only one who can help him/her and that you should try to "reform" him/her.
• Find yourself apologizing to yourself or others for your partner's behaviour when you are treated badly.
• Stop expressing opinions if he/she doesn't agree with them.
• Stay because you feel he/she will kill him/herself if you leave.
• Believe that his/her jealousy is a sign of love.
• Have been kicked, hit, shoved, or had things thrown at you by him/her when he/she was jealous or angry.
• Believe the critical things he/she says to make you feel bad about yourself.
• Believe that there is something wrong with you if you don't enjoy the sexual things he/she makes you do.
• Believe in the traditional ideas of what a man and a woman should be and do -- that the man makes the decisions and the woman pleases him.

http://www.ilrctbay.com/upload/custom/abuse/content/abusers.htm

Musings on solitude

Solitude

I have always like solitude. To be alone with my thoughts, for me, has never the horrible thing that others seemed to make of it. I have actually chosen to be alone at times; something that has even boggled the mind of many people who have believed that they have known me well enough in my very outwardly social ways to think that I do not desire or need solitude. They could not be more wrong in believing this. They may think that solitude is reserved for those who are forced into spending time alone due to rejection and thus creating deep feelings of despair and loneliness. I make choices not based upon feelings of loneliness or even sad rejection by others but have always chosen to spend time by myself because I like myself. I guess that is what it really boils down to, liking oneself. If I like myself then it would make sense that I would want to spend time alone, with myself.

Maybe, if we could even consider the possibility and reality of this, that loneliness for others is really a manifestation of the fear of being alone and discovering oneself; the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly parts of who every person is comprised of. They say the “whole is greater than the sum of the parts its made of” and in a conceptual way, we are greater than the parts of us that may characterize our whole being. The parts are just parts until they are put together in a miraculous way of making us who we are. Maybe we could consider that to accept someone's rejection of us and hold it valid would truly only be the acceptance of someone's possible flawed view of who we are and who I really am. This would bring deep feelings of sadness and possible self-loathing, maybe something that would not inspire me to spend more time with myself. I have the sole right to either accept or reject myself or parts of myself. If I delve into denial, I can totally “remake” myself rather than respect the wonderfully unique person whom I am; in spite of my weaknesses. Primarily and most importantly, I decide whether or not I like to be alone. I believe that the most important thing that anyone can do for their self is to not reject or judge their selves but to extend a hand of friendship toward their own image. I like me. I figure that if I don't like me and don't want to be with me then “who else” might want my company? Who else might be MORE fascinating and intriguing and even more interesting and kind to my self, than myself? 

Having compassion with myself; dealing with my frailties with “kid gloves” and allowing myself to be seen as “mere human” in an extraordinary way of course, is the necessary humility needed for good writing. If not for the solitude, we could not hear our voice; think of the stories and write down the words that bring them to life. again. I need to hear my “voice” and allow my self to be expressed in words on paper or the computer screen. My time of reflection is the back how loader and earth mover of my thoughts and feelings. I can excavate my past and bring it into the light of the present; look at it and evaluate how I feel about the many things that happened to me and even those things that I caused that became part of who I am today. Digging in my past and accepting who I was is part of who I am.

If I do not “know myself” then how can I know anything or anyone else. I am the one that I have spent the most time with all of my life. If I do not know me, I know nothing. Descartes said “I think, therefore I am”. I would like rephrase that sentiment with “I know me, therefore I am”. I feel my existence and my uniqueness when I write. I like many things about me that I would like to share with the world. I would like to encourage and help others feel the reality of this life in the way that I sense it at times. I like many things about me and rather than constantly judge and criticize myself as others have done, I accept me in ways that I have accepted others. I like the way that I am curious about who I am; not only about the world around me. I like and appreciate my sensitivity to others as I use the same compassion that I have nurtured in and for myself with dealing with their fears and failures in life. I really like parts of myself that I don't intentionally share with the world. I feel that I have “kept part of me” for me and I believe this is a really very healthy thing to do.

I like solitude because I like me. I can appreciate and explore the uniqueness of my being while not revealing anything to anyone else of my discoveries. Sometimes I feel that I am an archaeological “dig” and my past is being uncovered and revealed to me. The most important parts of me are on display for me to accept and learn to love. Really, writing is all about being able and willing and even desiring to tear away the mask that the world sees, reveal in the uniqueness of who we are and then boldly proclaiming to ourselves first, then to the world, the person that we have discovered in our times of solitude. I laugh at myself in a joyous and celebratory way even though no one else is around. I can relax and “be me” and not worry about others judging who I am in terms of their standards. My standards for me are SO much higher and my hopes and aspirations and dreams are only shared with those who I trust the most. Me.

BRAND NEW

A BRAND NEW DAY is awaiting you everyday...
this NEW YEAR brings MORE hope, opportunity and adventure into our lives as we 

"find ourselves, heal from abuse and learn to dream again". 

We CAN do it...it is TIME!!!!

I forgot my opportunity to blog on this Singing a New Song blog during one of the LESS stressful years of my life. I had relocated and had just found part time employment at the end of 2014 and I was doing other writing and creative things for outlet and personal growth rather than attending to my blogging here...Currently, I am making lifestyle (home, relationship and family) changes and I have failed to attend to my love of teaching and writing...THANK YOU my dear Singing a New Song friend for continuing to read and share what I have had the opportunity to share with you about healing from abuse.

It is a BRAND NEW DAY...we must never forget that EVERY DAY is another opportunity to "find ourselves, heal from abuse and learn to dream again". We must look forward to this NEW YEAR with HOPE...the hope that we WILL be healed from abuse...

We must look forward to this NEW YEAR with OPPORTUNITY to learn and to DISCOVER the wonderful person we are; although we have been damaged by abuse...our lives are in front of us; not behind us.

We must look forward to this NEW YEAR with ADVENTURE and a sense of anticipation of BETTER THINGS TO COME. Time is fleeting and we must be AWARE of the twists and turns and how our life path can be changed and thrown off and led down rabbit trails when there are such more interesting and fulfilling adventures ahead.

Again, dear friend, I apologize for MY FAILURE to write and encourage you here on this blog; I hope that you are finding our relationship on SINGING A NEW SONG Facebook Fan page to be encouraging and filled with hope that you also, one day will be SINGING A NEW SONG.

Love and peace this year...and always,
D

We can "rise above" our circumstances.

Just as Rome was not built in one day; overcoming abuse, healing from its damage, rebuilding our self-esteem and self-concept and trusting our vision for our future is a process. 

Taking the next step on our healing journey is challenging enough. What happens when we find that we have gone from the "frying pan into the fire" and discover that abuse, as we have known it, no longer sufficiently explains what we are facing?

What can we do when the circumstances that we are facing is "fall out" and the beginning of the healing process???

 
PERSPECTIVE:
Do you realize that you ARE WORTH more than the way that you have been treated by others?

FOCUS: 
What are you focusing on in your life??? Are you facing toward the past and remembering the pain and abuse or are you facing toward the future and looking toward healing and wholeness?

 
LISTEN: 
Are you taking time to "listen to what your heart is saying?"...Take the time today to LISTEN to yourself...your heart and mind...





BELIEVE: 
We really are SO MUCH MORE than how we have been treated by others...it is time to learn to RESPECT ourselves and believe that we are WORTHY of a happy and healthy life.

EMPOWER YOURSELF:  
Find yourself, heal from abuse and learn to dream again. Go to counseling. Eat nutritious food and get plenty of rest and hydration. Become more active and TAKE CHARGE of your life!

HEAL and BECOME the person that YOU REALLY ARE!!!

It is time to RISE ABOVE the past and MOVE ON toward our future. You really are worth it!!!!

What's in your heart???

Why do we fear to look within? 
Don't we know that what is "within" is the true "us"? And why do we avoid the truth about who we are when that is what is needed to be healed and made whole???

LOOK into your heart today...don't be afraid. 



I suppose that we might think that it might be easier for an introspective, intuitive personality to be "inward looking" but what about the EXTRAVERTS...like myself? We have NO excuse...I know that we can "look within" as long as we are WILLING to accept and embrace what we see without judgement. 

The only justice is to follow the sincere intuition of the soul, angry or gentle.

Anger is just, and pity is just, but judgement is never just.

~ D. H. Lawrence ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * * * * * *  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

* * * * * * * * * *  

I love when things are transparent, free and clear 

of all inhibition and judgement.

~ Pharrell Williams ~ (of "Happy" fame)

I have looked within my heart all my life. I have always known that the only way to live a life and "find myself, be healed from abuse and learn to dream again", starts with ME accepting myself without judgement. With gentle openness and acceptance. And as soon as we accept and love ourselves, the sooner we allow ourselves to accept and love others.

I have often said that I am am writer but I admit, that I am much more a thinker and philosopher, counselor and friend and helper to many, including myself than the writer that I have hoped to become. I accept this in myself. If I want to become more of a writer; I must WILL myself to BE more of a writer. Happiness, peace and wholesome living is just like that...we create it. And we must start with ourselves...

START WITHIN  TODAY...visit us at Singing a New Song  on Facebook...a place where you can begin to "find yourself, heal from abuse and learn to dream again".

YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

Our changing times

Autumn is really beginning here 

in the Northeast USA 

where the tree tops dance 

with glimmering slight yellow, 

red or orange flames along the 

Blue Ridge Parkway.  

As much as we would like to believe that all change will this pleasing to look at; we have known from experience that change is often HARD and sometimes, absurdly purposeless or at least it appears to be on the surface. 

I love the mountains. Though they seem to be constantly visible, they are constantly in flux or periods of change that is too subtle for the human vision until Autumn arrives. 

I can say that I have healed from years of verbal, emotional, spiritual and sexual abuse. I see relationships and people more clearly, truly and accept the truth of what they are and who they are like I have never been able to discern before. I feel very much at peace with who I am and find that EVERYONE who has been where I have been can BE where I am now...happy and healed.

We have a closed group for women only (sorry guys) called Healing and Hopeful (women preparing for healthy relationship after abuse). Please look for us on Facebook at: 

 https://www.facebook.com/groups/healingandhopeful/

We are changing and growing everyday. We are no longer accused by an abuser to "have changed on them" when we would no longer allow their abuse in our lives. We have always been growing, maturing, "finding ourselves, healing from abuse and learning to dream again".

Will you challenge your perspective on change today? 
Are you seeing your life from the mountaintop 
or are you stuck in the valley?

Isn't it time to take good care of yourself 
and look forward to "singing a new song" in your life? 
I think so.

I have done it and so can you...

Wishing you love and peace today my friend,
D 
Singing a New Song: 
https://www.facebook.com/Newsong4him

and 
Healing and Hopeful (closed group for women)