Dare to dream

Do you have a DREAM??? 

I would really like to know. I would LOVE to hear about it but more than that, I want YOU to know.  You NEED to know.

Do you WANT to see your DREAM "come true??" YOU CAN. I KNOW that you CAN because I have seen MY DREAMS come true!!!

I have actually seen THREE of my dreams fulfilled in my life so far so I KNOW that DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE but it is NOT without our vision and persistence.


My first DREAM was envisioned while I was in high school. I love France, the French language, culture, art and food and I was in the "French Club" and enjoyed time with others who felt the same. I remember "telling myself"..."SOMEDAY, I want to have quiche on the Champs-Élysées" I wanted to have lunch but more specifically, I wanted to enjoy QUICHE on the street between the The Arc de Triomphe (Arch of Triomphe )and the Tour Eiffel (Eiffel Tower). I must add that I NEVER REALLY BELIEVED that I would EVER go to Europe let alone visit France or Paris and actually see this dream come true. Upon going on a short term missions trip, my heart was moved for France and I was sent for two weeks to see Paris, Montlucon, Fontbulont, Orange, Vichy, Lyon and Marseilles. I returned to Paris before my return to the States and "had quiche on the Champs-Élysées."...I SPOKE out my dream and held it in my heart and would NOT let it go. I took the opportunity and VOILA!!! 
My dream came true.

Line graph of my dreams and their fulfillment (cloud). My age at time of fulfillment is below the line.

My second DREAM was to be with the man whom I FIRST loved and planned to marry before we were so tragically parted and separated for 25 years. After two marriages and divorces, we reunited. My FIRST love...my last and only love. I had DREAMT of him all those years, even during marriages to "interlopers" as he calls them as he was also thinking of me and loving me from afar while with his wives. My DREAM HAS COME TRUE...after my second divorce, I gave up everything; my job, "future", local friends and family and most of all, my "Chorale" that I had enjoyed singing with for five years. I WAS WILLING TO LET EVERYTHING ELSE GO  so I could have my life with the man whom I have always loved. 
My (our) DREAM came true.

My third and by far, NOT the least of them is seeing my DREAM of writing and recording and performing MY OWN ORIGINAL SONGS come true. I had actually started writing songs before I was 30 years old but by the time that I was 36, I was "ready" to see that dream come true. I had only gone to a concert at a church and felt very strong connection with a "brother" there and later returned and almost immediately began preparing music for an evening worship service and he and I then began to write music together. One song was written JUST before I went on my missions's trip to France and when I returned, he had "completed" the melody and piano portion of my song and played it for me. We recorded it and I had opportunity to sing it at a conference. 
ANOTHER "DREAM COME TRUE".

OK, these dreams may not seem REALLY big to you but they were and ARE really big to me. They are constant reminders that if I can dream it, I can do it and I can become it. 

We might even say that these not only were MY dreams but they thoroughly depended directly UPON ME to see them fulfilled...NO ONE could do it for me, matter of fact, no one else KNEW about my desire for quiche or songwriting. The only dream that was totally dependent upon a person other than myself was my DREAM COME TRUE with my FIRST LOVE. I could have been CRUSHED emotionally but was willing to KNOW THE TRUTH...gladly, my dream came true and I am totally happy with my decision. 

My next DREAM is to return to the work force and use my education in Nutrition and Dietetics to begin preparing and serving food and THEN ONTO Culinary School...Can I do it??? I KNOW that I can because it is MY DREAM.

What is YOUR dream? Don't be shy or timid. NOW is NOT the time to shirk back but to SPEAK OUT and MAKE your DREAM a reality. I did it didn't I??? And SO CAN YOU!!!

"Find yourself, heal from abuse and LEARN TO DREAM AGAIN"...YOU ARE worth it!!!

Let's think about MENTAL HEALTH today...

mental health 

the psychological state of someone 

who is functioning at a satisfactory level 

of emotional and behavioral adjustment.

Do you go to the doctor when you are physically ILL???  WHY?

If someone who loves you sees HOW physically MISERABLE you must be feeling 

(and you are probably even GRUMPY with them as well) 

suggests that you GO to GET to the doctor for HELP,

will you angrily tell them 

"I don't need a DOCTOR, I can take care of myself. 

ONLY SICK (and weak) PEOPLE go to the doctor." ?

Refusing to go to a doctor (remaining ignorant about your health), 

DOES NOT make you "well",

it only keeps you from realizing HOW SICK YOU REALLY ARE

Why should we treat our MENTAL HEALTH any different from our physical health? 

When we do not physically feel well 

do we tolerate lack of sympathy or compassion from others? 

This is the result of the STIGMA of mental illness toward those 

who seek MENTAL HEALTH TREATMENT.  

Let's get this RIGHT!!! 

Those who sense that they may not necessarily be "mentally healthy" 

and seek mental health care usually END UP BEING LABELED AS MENTALLY ILL 

by those who have fallen for the stigma of mental health.

 HOW FAIR IS THIS??????

THOSE WHO REFUSE TO GO TO COUNSELING may really be the "sick ones" 

who are in the greatest need of MENTAL HEALTH CARE. 

The "gray matter between our ears" can BE UNHEALTHY as well...

Let's TAKE CARE OF IT!!!

When was the last time you had a "mental health check up?"...it may be time. NO ONE is immune to "mental UNHEALTH"...there are times when we may feel overwhelmed and have thoughts that are unhealthy and counterproductive to our personal growth, health and happiness as well as our relationships with others.

NO ONE deserves to have to live with MENTAL ILLNESS...it is a WICKED disease. Just ask anyone who lives with a person who has been abusive to them. They are most likely living with a person with mental illness. 

Times like this, challenge US to take good care of OUR mental health...living with abuse, healing from abuse, we all have the right and responsibility to take good care of ourselves...WE ARE WORTH IT!!! 

Fear of the familiar; fear of the unknown

Fear. Why do we allow such a strong, compelling and even debilitating emotion to rule our lives? At times we feel that we have NO other choice but to "do" or "not do" according to "how we feel?". What we feel is actually NOT the best criteria to choose from when we need to make an healthy decision. We need information; facts and truth. 

I remember when I first realized that I was in an abusive marriage. I was shocked. I was in denial. How could another christian be so abusive? It must be my imagination or better yet, maybe I am being selfish and don't understand his "needs". I was MISINFORMED and given UNTRUTH to base my decision about "what kind of woman that I was supposed to be" being that I was a christian. I was "not supposed" to have separate thoughts from my husband. I was not being a good christian in even thinking that he could be abusive when he was telling me that I was being rebellious and contentious. (do we even HEAR those words any more?) I would feel ashamed to admit that I disagreed with him. He had said that "when you disobey me, you are disobeying God"...He was "my head" and I was to submit to his authority in my life. How could I trust a man who was disrespectful, discounting and dismissive of my thoughts, opinions and actions and then submit to his authority in all matters, without question???

My answer to these questions were...I WAS MISINFORMED, given UNTRUTH and told that I "was supposed" to "obey" him, and this was SAID TO ME by "friends" and other christians who THOUGHT he was actually a christian. It took me a while to realize that what a person does SHOWS the kind of person they are and instead I was blindsided to believe that what a person "says they are" should indicate the behavior that I not only should expect from them but that they are "required" to exhibit for the mere reason of "proving their faith". And then, the gray area of when a person who "claims" to be a "holy" person who is really disrespectful, unloving and abusive who DEMANDS submission and then JUDGES their spouse to be "less than" a christian for NOT OBEYING THEM. 

Fear had been SO debilitating that I had not even begun to think that I COULD BE FREE from this abuse. I had hardly understood it to be abuse since it had a spiritual element that I was "not allowed to question" or else I would "not have the faith" to continue to try to save my marriage. 
And then I had heard that FEAR really is...
False 
Expectations 
Appearing 
Real 

• I chose to SEE THE TRUTH as it was rather than what I expected it to be. 
• I had to be willing to accept that MY expectations might NOT be realistic.
• I needed to understand that things are NOT always as they appear.

And most importantly:

• My feelings of doom and dread and FEAR, though seemingly legitimate, really did NOT have any root in reality. I was afraid of FEAR itself. 

Since then I have been able to "find me, heal from abuse and learn to dream again". NO fear required. NO fear welcome. You can do it too!!! 

YOU are worth it!!! 

Fighting to BE YOU....it is worth it!!!

"Free to BE ME...at last!!!" my vision board (March 2010)

Thank you for visiting my blog and Singing a New Song on FB to encourage you on your healing journey. I am glad to see that you have come to realize that YOU DESERVE to live FREE from abuse. Even before you really began your struggle to "find yourself, heal from abuse and learn to dream again"...you probably felt very much like I have felt. 
I was FIGHTING to BE ME. 

It felt like an uphill climb, a steep and almost impossible ascent up an intimidating mountain of abuse. I would fight and push myself upward. I would hold on tenaciously to each solid affirmation and epiphany. I stood firmly upon every solid piece of truth that would hold my weight and I would NOT let go. 
I was FIGHTING to BE ME. 


I created this vision board in March 2010...My now ex husband consented to try "family counseling" and I had just challenged myself to use ART to speak out against the abuse that I had endured from him and his daughter. I am not artistically talented but I do appreciate visual arts and thought that this therapeutic endeavor would help me to say in pictures the message that words could not convey.  

The vision board has "ME" in the center...it is actually a woman breaking OUT of a perfume bottle...the kind of "break out" that I was hoping for so "my essence" could be free and I could be "FREE to BE ME". The images surrounding "me" are images of OBSTACLES that I fought against, faced and realized or had to BREAK THROUGH in my personal growth process. 

Needless to say, this was NOT warmly welcomed by my ex husband but my counselor thought that I was "strong" in my expression of how I felt about the marriage with my ex husband and the relationship I had with his daughter and my determination to "SAY NO" to abuse. If you have NEVER seen a verbally and emotionally abusive man, sit silently, struck DUMB by images that he could NOT verbally refute, you have YET to enjoy this sight. Hopefully, you will SEE FOR YOURSELF that speaking out against abuse and "fighting to be yourself" will NOT be accepted by an abuser but that will NOT matter as much to you as KNOWING that YOU are a survivor. YOU have every right to "be YOU" not matter what anyone else has to say about it.

So are YOU fighting to "BE YOU" today??? I encourage you to BE you WITH you and allow your "YOUness" to flow over into your outer life. Practice daily to affirm yourself with positive thoughts and accept yourself, IN the situation, WITH your limitations AND your pains as you see and feel them and DETERMINE that YOU have the RIGHT to "BE FREE to BE ME". 

You really ARE worth it!!! 

You don't have to have it ALL figured out to move forward

As abuse SURVIVORS, we have made our way THROUGH so many personal, domestic and societal obstacles that we may feel that we have truly gained a wealth of understanding and wisdom...and even more important, we have survived!!! 

TRUE HEALING comes through  "finding ourselves, healing from abuse and learning to dream again"...a process that I have personally found to be a real workable paradigm that describes my healing journey.

We don't have to understand freedom to experience it. We just have to BELIEVE that we CAN be free of abuse before we will ever find the strength and hope to TRY to break free.

Second guessing ourselves seems to be one of the great skills that we seem to acquire over the time that we are in an abusive relationship or treated abusively by others. We tend to forget that "WE CAN" do all the things that our abuser has told us that we can't do without them. They have created a dependency upon them and we have taken it and even disregarded our own self-sufficiency all in the "name of relationship"...We may have found that in looking BACK upon this time, that this was the time that we "lost our selves" and once realized, we can begin to "find ourselves" and break free from the controlling thoughts of an abuser. 

We certainly DO NOT have to have it ALL FIGURED OUT TO MOVE FORWARD...we just have to WANT to be free from abuse...trust ourselves and "find ourselves" so we can "heal from abuse and learn to dream again"...

YOU are worth it!!! 

WE HAVE THE CHOICE

Does it ever seem that you only look ahead in hopes of seeing "the light at the end of the tunnel" of abuse but see nothing but darkness? That is how it feels when we think that we have NO choice but to endure it. In the midst of "finding me", I began to understand that I there were choices that ONLY I COULD make. They may have seemed limited and even restricted by outside influences but it was clear to me that I ALWAYS HAD CHOICES. 

It is SO IMPORTANT to CHOOSE to make GOOD decisions...Sometimes we need to make a decision with very little information. Some may seem to be made in haste. Some can be firmly made because we finally CHOSE not to live life with abuse. A series of well planned good decisions CHANGED my thoughts and life slowly. Little by little, choice by choice, my healing path began to manifest itself before me. My life became more of my own to live. 



Many friends tried to encourage me to leave the marriage to an horrendously controlling, verbally and emotionally abusive man but that choice seemed TOO big to make...I had to learn to make MANY smaller choices on my healing path. I learned the amazing thing about personal power that I refer to as the Power of "NO".  "NO" is such a small word with such a BIG impact. When we verbalize and act upon what we firmly believe, we can SAY NO and realize that it is no more than making a "little choice" and taking ONE STEP on our healing journey. It is not a drastic step to say "NO"... it is a giant step in healing to realize that WE HAVE THE CHOICE to say NO.

We ALL deserve to find our personal power, make healthy decisions that positively affect our lives and realize that "Life is the sum of all your choices"...Make good choices today. ADD to your life and make it more of what you really want it to become. You don't HAVE TO live this way! You can "Sing a New Song"...I did and so can you!!!

YOU are worth it!!! 

We cannot change anything until we accept it...Carl Jung

The truth hurts. It just plain HURTS. 

We don't want to believe that we are being abused. We don't want to believe that we are unloved and treated with such disrespect. We really do not want to face the truth that a person whom we love could treat us that way.

But we cannot change anything about our situation until we are willing to accept it...for what it is...and stop denying that we are experiencing abuse. 




Life can be hard but it doesn't have to be so hard. We CAN learn to find the "Serenity to accept what I cannot change" when we spend introspective time alone. Solitude and Serenity really do go together. We need time of introspection and acceptance of ourselves in order to accept "the unlovely but true" things about others and our relationships with them...

We can find the "courage to change the things we can" and usually that means that WE CAN CHANGE OURSELVES but need to realize that we CANNOT change someone else. No matter how much they say they love us, no matter how much we love them, we cannot "do their growing" for them. They must grow and mature, learn to accept and love themselves and then it would be possible for them to change behaviors toward us. Sadly though, many may not see this opportunity and lose love, our love in the process of denying their abusive behavior.

We can find the "WISDOM" to "know the difference between what we CAN change and what we CANNOT change but just need to "accept". I have learned a concept called "Radical Acceptance". This  Psychology Today article that explains it: (read slowly, it helped me to do that)

"Radical acceptance" is the tolerant embracing of how and who one is here and now,

juxtaposed with acknowledging the necessity for change and growth. 

To support such self-acceptance, (Marsha) Linehan also integrates mindfulness and meditation 

principles into her treatment approach. 

Linehan (1993) makes the following five fundamental points regarding 

"radical acceptance":

1. Acceptance is acknowledgment of what is.
2. Acceptance is non-judgmental, not a matter of deeming something good or okay.
3. Freedom from suffering requires accepting rather than resisting reality.
4. Choosing to tolerate pain or distress in the moment is acceptance.
5. Accepting rather than avoiding painful emotions actually alleviates suffering.

So how can WE APPLY this concept of Radical Acceptance into our 

"Finding me, healing from abuse and learning to dream again" 

Process??? At all stages by...

• Radically accepting ourselves...the good, the bad and the ugly of "us" AND the same of others. 
• Radically accepting that we have been abused, we did not deserve it and we CAN heal from it. 
• Radically accepting that WE CAN LEARN TO DREAM AGAIN...it is NOT too late. Let's not waste any more of our valuable life in being fearful of what we have yet to experience. We have survived abuse!!!

No matter what it takes to work through this process...remember that 

YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!