I can only imagine the images that the term "abusive marriage" may conger up
in your mind but I would have to encourage you to look deeper and see that the intricate parts of relationship, marriage mainly, between a man and woman, abuse is MUCH LESS obvious than what you might first anticipate.
Let's DEFINE the term "abuse"...(Merriam-Webster)
an ongoing emotional environment organized by the abuser for the purposes
of control. The underlying factor in the dynamic of verbal abuse is the abuser’s low regard for him or herself. As a result, the abuser attempts to place their victim in a position to believe similar things about him or herself, a form of warped projection.
Verbal Abuse and its Devastating Impact
Verbal Abuse is insidious.
Verbal Abuse is endemic.
Verbal Abuse impacts millions of people.
Verbal Abuse and its denial are crazy-making
Verbal Abuse usually occurs in secret.
If you've heard, "You're Too Sensitive" you've heard verbal abuse.
Although many people have heard sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt us, those who have suffered from verbal abuse know that words do hurt and can be as damaging as physical blows are to the body. The scars from verbal assaults can last for years. They are psychological scars that leave people unsure of themselves, unable to recognize their true value, their talents and sometimes unable to adapt to life’s many challenges.
Except for name-calling many people don't recognize verbal abuse—especially when it comes from a person they believe loves them or from a person they perceive as an authority figure; or when it comes from a person who is in a position of power, for example, one's boss, a family provider, one's parent, or even an older sibling that one has learned to look up to in childhood.
Unfortunately, when people don’t recognize verbal abuse for what it is, they may try to get the person who is putting them down, giving them orders, or “correcting,” denouncing, yelling at or ignoring them to understand them. Or, they may try to stop them by giving it back in kind. In other words, they may act out their anger.
The circumstances under which verbal abuse takes place make a real difference in how to respond to it. In the workplace, for instance, an appropriate response to a very abusive boss might be to prepare a resume or to read the want ads. On the other hand, a child can’t very well escape from an abusive parent and so we, the observers and relatives of the child must be alert and ready to speak up for him or her. Keeping a record and letting others know what is going on are often good first steps.
Since, in the majority of cases, people who indulge in verbal abuse are selective about whom they abuse, many people are surprised to hear that someone is experiencing on-going and periodic abuse from someone they know and have always seen as nice and friendly. “Nice and Friendly” is the persona of many an abuser. Although many folks are as nice and friendly as they seem, some are not.
****
Abuse is insidious, deceptive and STILL abuse. If you or someone you know, seems to have a friend or family member that behaves in the above ways, you are very likely experiencing abuse. Being a christian or believing that the "abusive party" is "christian" does NOT stop abuse from happening. As with divorce, abuse in Christian marriage is just as prevalent, if not more so, than in marriages of other or "no" faith. God does not want you to be abused.
in your mind but I would have to encourage you to look deeper and see that the intricate parts of relationship, marriage mainly, between a man and woman, abuse is MUCH LESS obvious than what you might first anticipate.
Let's DEFINE the term "abuse"...(Merriam-Webster)
1: a corrupt practice or custom
2: improper or excessive use or treatment : misuse
3 obsolete : a deceitful act : deception
4: language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, and angrily
5: physical maltreatment
Verbal abuse (also known as reviling or bullying) is best described asan ongoing emotional environment organized by the abuser for the purposes
of control. The underlying factor in the dynamic of verbal abuse is the abuser’s low regard for him or herself. As a result, the abuser attempts to place their victim in a position to believe similar things about him or herself, a form of warped projection.
Verbal abuse may occur to a person of any gender, race, culture, sexual orientation, age, or size. Typically, verbal abuse increases in intensity over time and often escalates into physical abuse as well. During intense verbal abuse, the victim will generally suffer from low self-esteem and low self-worth. As a result, victims may fall into clinical depression and/ or post-traumatic stress disorder.
Despite being the most common form of abuse, verbal abuse is generally not taken as seriously as other types of abuse, because there is no visible proof. In reality, however, verbal abuse can be more detrimental to a person's health than physical abuse.
If started at a young age, verbal abuse contributes to codependency, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and other psychological disorders that often plague many people into adulthood.
People who feel they are being attacked by a verbal abuser on a regular basis should seek professional counsel and remove themselves from the negative environment whenever possible. Staying with a verbal abuser is damaging for a person's overall well-being; and all steps to change the situation should be pursued.
"Verbal abuse includes the following: withholding, bullying, defaming, defining, trivializing, harassing, interrogating, accusing, blaming, blocking, insulting, countering, diverting, lying, berating, taunting, putting down, discounting, threatening, name-calling, yelling, and raging."[1]
Verbal Abuse and its Devastating Impact
By Patricia Evans (Verbalabuse.com)
Verbal Abuse is insidious.
Verbal Abuse is endemic.
Verbal Abuse impacts millions of people.
Verbal Abuse and its denial are crazy-making
Verbal Abuse usually occurs in secret.
If you've heard, "You're Too Sensitive" you've heard verbal abuse.
Although many people have heard sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt us, those who have suffered from verbal abuse know that words do hurt and can be as damaging as physical blows are to the body. The scars from verbal assaults can last for years. They are psychological scars that leave people unsure of themselves, unable to recognize their true value, their talents and sometimes unable to adapt to life’s many challenges.
Except for name-calling many people don't recognize verbal abuse—especially when it comes from a person they believe loves them or from a person they perceive as an authority figure; or when it comes from a person who is in a position of power, for example, one's boss, a family provider, one's parent, or even an older sibling that one has learned to look up to in childhood.
Unfortunately, when people don’t recognize verbal abuse for what it is, they may try to get the person who is putting them down, giving them orders, or “correcting,” denouncing, yelling at or ignoring them to understand them. Or, they may try to stop them by giving it back in kind. In other words, they may act out their anger.
The circumstances under which verbal abuse takes place make a real difference in how to respond to it. In the workplace, for instance, an appropriate response to a very abusive boss might be to prepare a resume or to read the want ads. On the other hand, a child can’t very well escape from an abusive parent and so we, the observers and relatives of the child must be alert and ready to speak up for him or her. Keeping a record and letting others know what is going on are often good first steps.
Since, in the majority of cases, people who indulge in verbal abuse are selective about whom they abuse, many people are surprised to hear that someone is experiencing on-going and periodic abuse from someone they know and have always seen as nice and friendly. “Nice and Friendly” is the persona of many an abuser. Although many folks are as nice and friendly as they seem, some are not.
Abuse is insidious, deceptive and STILL abuse. If you or someone you know, seems to have a friend or family member that behaves in the above ways, you are very likely experiencing abuse. Being a christian or believing that the "abusive party" is "christian" does NOT stop abuse from happening. As with divorce, abuse in Christian marriage is just as prevalent, if not more so, than in marriages of other or "no" faith. God does not want you to be abused.
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