New Year's Resolution for Abuse Survivors

Have you had a difficult time in not only keeping but MAKING New Year's resolutions when you have felt that you "were not in control of your life?" When I was a teen, I would write  "New Year's Thank You letters" or poems to people who had invested in my life during the previous year. I felt that it was the least that I could do; a practice in gratitude and "paying back" for all the good that had been done for me. I continued this practice for many years and then I stopped. I wondered why I had stopped writing "thank yous"? Had I stopped being grateful or had I stopped "Celebrating New Years" and with it the ceasing of this New Year's ritual? I realize now, many years hence,

Real life healing from abuse (Hope for the hurting)

Check out: Favorite Links (right)

and Resources for healing

from abuse Page (above)

We see a lot of very helpful information on the web. We can make a new recipe, find directions for our  vacation complete with hotel accommodations and restaurants. We can read the daily local news and see the headlines from all over the world. What has been most helpful to me are the many VERY helpful websites and blogs regarding abuse and how to heal from it.

To vulnerably share that I have lived through abuse: sexual, physical, emotional, verbal and spiritual is something that I would have rather NOT experienced it but I am very thankful for surviving it. My resourceful websites have allowed me to work through my healing at my pace. I appreciate them all.

Like so many others, in ways who might have experience ever greater or longer periods of abuse than I have, I WISHED that I had  "JUST ONE PERSON" who could understand "where I was at" and could validate and support me with their personal success story. 

"The Future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams" Eleanor Roosevelt

The end of 2011 is quickly approaching. Isn't it strange, when we stop to look at it,we may be actually looking forward to the end only to start a new beginning? As some have said, we could "wish our lives away" if we are not careful. Do we REALLY have to wait for our future to arrive before we can believe in our dreams? I know through personal experience that we do NOT have to "just hope" anymore.

All I want for Christmas...

Christmastime has always been a time of family; colored lights and tinsel, beautifully wrapped gifts and good food with our family around a large table.  The smells of sugar cookies and pine from the freshly cut tree. For me it also meant MUSIC; Handel's Messiah (Oratorio, I sing soprano) and Christmas caroling, concerts and cantatas. It was magical.



I remember understanding the "true meaning of Christmas" for the first time

Happy Chanukkah

I haven't always celebrated Chanukkah...
it was 1995 when I realized that Judaism was the foundation of Christianity as Jesus was born a Jew. I had not previously been raised Jewish or had experienced anything of the Jewish culture. I started attending a "Messianic Synagogue" (even in some Christian and even NON-Christian circles; these are referred to as MESSYanic). It is a place which holds to the truth that Jesus *Yeshua* is the Messiah; for Jews and Gentiles. They celebrate the Jewish Holy Days rather than the Christian (pagan -originated) holidays.



As many have said "Chanukkah is not the Jewish Christmas!" and that is so right. Hanukkah is the wonderful commemoration of God's faithfulness to restore what had been taken and defiled from His people, Israel. The Festival of Lights is a constant and loving reminder that "nothing is so defiled that it cannot be restored".

Light

 Light. Truth. Love. Power. All words are synonymous
in ways and perhaps the reason why that Light is a common symbol of many holidays. Lights and candles are used year round in many homes but none are consumed as much as when they symbolize truth and intimacy; intimate romantic dinners where the proposal of marriage may take place, the lighting of one candle in a marriage ceremony, the light of candles or battery -powered lights carried by carollers or the flame of one candle as it is passed to another in either a Christmas or New Year's Eve celebration.

Looking back shouldn't stop us from looking forward

How many times have we stood pulling at a closed door, trying to pry it open with all our might only to become angry that it will not reopen and do NOT see that an opened door to a new life is waiting for us? I have found all too often that abuse has attempted to destroy many lives. We look back to see what "we have left" we can feel frustrated, obligated or guilty (FOG; see Out of the FOG.net ).

Sometimes it is not until we can SEE that another door is opening before us are we assured that WE HAVE THE RIGHT to turn our backs on the past abuse and neglect and destruction that has plagued our lives. It is only THEN can we GO THROUGH the open door instead of wasting our energy wrestling with the closed door; as if we can "go back and live the past over" and make it better this time, it just doesn't work that way.

I think it is a good thing to be introspective, to delve into our hearts and help clean out the muck and mire of damage that has been allowed to dwell there and fill it up with good things but there is a time and place for everything. 

The power of "NO"

I can only imagine that if you who are reading this blog and have NOT been in an abusive relationship (I would only hope that is the case); that you may not be able to fully understand the depth and destruction of abuse in our lives. The daily stress of trying to comply and please an unappeasable person is just plain crazy. It can lead to health related diseases, depression and even self-harm.   It is a daily struggle for our sanity and "heart" because of the disrespectful, demeaning and discounting ways that our "loved one" acts toward us.

Starting over...again. (repost; original added to "About this blog" page)

I had sat at the dawn of a day and meditated and prayed about my life and what grand purpose the remainder of my time on this planet might hold. Hearing the bullfrogs croak, the crisp crackling of the grass drying under the rising  warm sun's rays and seeing the vast landscape ahead of me allowed me to see that there is a start to everything; even every new day. After living through years of domestic abuse, I finally felt that it was time that I deserved to "start over".

Find your own voice and sing your heart song...

Finding our voice.  

That is what a survivor of abuse HAS TO DO in order to become a survivor and SPEAK OUT against abuse. As a singer, I have always been expressive through my music. Finding "my voice" in speaking out negativity and abuse has been the hardest challenge in my life. I am now trying to SPEAK OUT  and use "my voice" to encourage others to "find their heart song and sing it". 






I love what the Poet Rumi said "Let what you love BE what you DO". Sometimes we have to just remind ourselves "to love" and enjoy the beauty within us as well as the beauty surrounding us. Life is so short and there is SO much beauty to discover and enjoy; sometimes we forget to "look within" and find the beauty IN ourselves. 

When you have had ENOUGH...

Discontent is the first necessity of progress.  

Thomas A. Edison

I think that we often think of "not being happy" or at times, feeling disappointed and with that I feel that we have missed out on one of the truest and purest feelings that we have...contentment. 

To be content is to feel no lack for the essentials of life.

Healing thought

I have recently quoted myself as saying: 

I will not treat myself LESS than I deserve 

to give him (an abuser) MUCH MORE than he deserves.

I thought that this was a pretty insightful thought. I HAD allowed myself to have and enjoy FAR LESS than I deserved only to give MUCH MORE of myself, my life and my resources to a "taker" who did NOT deserve it.  

  

Setting boundaries in an abusive relationship usually heralds praises of "how strong" we are to have "made the decision" to stand up for ourselves. But I did not feel strong enough to make that decision until I became stronger BY making the decision to live an abuse free live; one of peace and love which not only myself but every person deserves to live.

I had come to realize that the PAIN OF STAYING in the relationship was GREATER than the fear of leaving it and living my life as I believe it "should be" lived.   

When the PAIN (of staying) is greater than the FEAR (of and in leaving), 

you will BE stronger than you think!

I have made a choice to live my life according to my values and conscience and not be controlled, manipulated and disrespected by anyone. I am hoping that you will find that place in your heart and mind if you are seeking to be free from abuse in your life. 

You ARE stronger than you think. YOUR LIFE CAN BE what you want it to be...

just do it!